woman, love yourself

Women are always told how to love their neighbours and other people but no one ever tells them how to love themselves. It’s like our parents were afraid that if they told us to love ourselves we would become selfish. Now we go through life wanting to please others and be liked by everyone at the expense of our own happiness and needs. It gets worse when we do good to others and hope that they will notice and reciprocate without having to ask or make our needs known. There women who feel guilty every time they do something nice for themselves e.g. buying a new dress but it shouldn’t be so.

There are girls walking around in baggy clothes, slouching and trying to hide their femininity. Some even going to the extent of wearing men’s clothes to try and hide their feminine side, using the excuse that they want to be taken seriously in the work place. Let your work speaks for it self, work hard and deliver and no one will really care what you’re wearing. When you wear nice clothes do it for yourself and you will be surprised by how good you feel about yourself.

I believe there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself. Do nice things for yourself every day. Take care of your hair, smell nice; wear nice clean clothes and your nails need some love too. You can know what a woman thinks of herself by the way she carries herself every day.My mother never told me this but ive seen the way she carries herself and she hasn’t let age get in her way of looking fierce.
Look at her fierce pause below.lol

I strongly recommend me-time, when you switch off your phone and just do something that you like. Watch that movie, have that long bath, bake a cake, write a poem, have a nap, get a manicure anything that helps you relax. No one can love you the way you want, only you can.

Don’t let age get in your way of looking good. One of my favourite poet is Maya Angelou who has over the years aged gracefully and to this day she still looks good don’t you think.
I leave you with one of her famous poem Phenomenal woman.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

my relationship with food

Ive heard this phrase being thrown around of late in the wake of the world wide spread of eating disorders.

I find it funny,imagine taking your food out for dinner or asking it if you look fat in that dress.lol.

In my family,meal times are special as we spread the table and eat to our fill.My mother believes in eating so much that the only excuse for missing a meal in her house is if you are sick and have a doctors letter to that effect.

When i first left my mamas house within the first three months i lost 8kgs and my mum begun to worry and ask if i was eating well.Sometimes she would come around my hood and ask me out for lunch and make sure that i eat well to confirm to that i was fine.

I guess to your mother you will always be a her baby.

The reason for the easy weight loss was because i was able to eat smaller portions and omit other foods from my diet:since i was doing the buying and the cooking,i had more control.In my mothers house there is always so much food on the table that you feel the need to eat a lot.
I remember a non-kenyan lady..

Its the closest P.C. word i could come up with

who came to visit us and found us having lunch.She was horified to look at the portion of food on our plates and started telling us about calories and what Ghee(that i love so much) will do to our bodies.

Poor woman!She could not believe we actually put fat directly to our food on the plate.

My relationship with food is a healthy one.I exercise moderation and i have omitted sugars and animal fat (generally all types of junk) from my diet.I drink sugarless tea and have done so for five years now and i don't miss it.Am also not a fun of juice,sodas, alcohol and my only source of sugar is from fruits and the occasional honey.What works for me is that i eat healthy all week then on Saturday i allow myself to indulge alittle bit in the not so healthy foods and it has worked for me.My advise to everyone is that learn your body and know what works and what doesnt and avoid all the fad diets that they have going around out there.Dont copy anyones diet just do what is suited to your body type and feels right to you.

Let little girls be little girls

Kenya Power Company (or is it K.P.L.C? reminds me of puff Daddy,P.Diddy,Diddy…you get what I mean) decided to start with the power rationing. My village has been in totally darkness every night for the last one week. To entertain myself I’ve started reading again, so we could say a lot of good has come out of this energy rationing. It’s a shame the way my books have mothballed over the years. Would you believe I have over ten books that I have borrowed and haven’t read yet?

Anyway the first thing I picked up was an old news paper and inside it was a pull out for young children. There smack in the middle of the front page was a young girl not more than eight years was wearing a very short dress. It didn’t stop there; she was posing in a very provocative manner too. These clothes are meant for children for crying out loud (kizuri cha jiuza).You don’t have to make those poor children pose so suggestively. Parents really don’t want sexy clothes; all they are looking for is to cover their kids’ nakedness.

We can’t allow our children to walk around in such clothes .Children should be allowed to be children. The word sexy should not even be in their vocabulary. Now we have got young girls wondering if they are sexy or not. Am also guessing that’s why young girls are having sex way too early in their lives because they think it’s the only way to get the boys’ attention. In social networks teenage girls are uploading semi-naked photos of themselves innocently not knowing the negative attention they are drawing to themselves.

I’ve not heard anyone complain about this and I’m wondering if the newspaper editor who did the final draft has children of his/her own. Something has to change in; na juu ya hiyo story am going to email the newspaper editor and request him not to allow such photos to be put up again in future. He/she may listen or not listen but at least I have tried my best and that’s how I sleep at night!

untitled

My brother has read a few of my blog posts and thinks they are too long with weird titles. Come to think of it, the only novels he’s ever read are the set books given in high school. I guess he doesn’t have the patience for reading, especially since some books have been adapted into movies. Normally I don’t care what people think but my brother is usually level headed and knows how to put things into perspective. The down side is that he has made me so self conscious that I don’t even know how to title today’s post. I decided to go with ‘untitled’. Today am just going to give my two cents on what I think Kenyan musicians should improve on, as a concerned listener.

I love music very much: am eclectic when it comes to music preference. There’s only one genre that I just can’t seem to understand, JAZZ. To me it’s and acquired taste, what with all them funny noises the musicians do between singing and some times closing their eyes and making their face funny too. My brother has tried to teach me some jazz by playing a few notes on his guitar but I still can’t quite get it. I must admit though the Kirk Whalum guy’s CD he gave me is really growing on me.

For one some don’t take good care of themselves. Have you ever been to a Kenyan music concert and after the first song the musician was panting as if he had run for miles? I mean would it kill them to work out once in a while?

Especially for those who music is their sole source of income.

Take care of your voice too .You can’t MC at an event all day then go for an overnight concert, that’s too much for your voice to take! Invest in a good voice coach to help you get even your diction right for crying out loud.

Then there are the interviews ...jeez! Its painful listening to some of them. I remember one musician being asked what genre of music he specialized in and he didn’t know the meaning of ‘genre’.

Do these people even read?

Come on if you intend to take over the world you need to do your research and know your stuff. Read about those who have been there and learn from their mistakes. I would highly recommend biographies too. I swear if I ever have to suffer another interview on telly of a musician putting his hooves in his mouth I will kill my self.

My brother once told me to be an entertainer you need to: do something he cannot do-be creative, tell him something he does not know, make him think for a minute and if all fails make him laugh at least (smart man, I tell you). I like his thinking, I just wish musicians could do this. Have you ever listened to a musician singing so horribly that you knew you wouldn’t attend any of his live performances even if they paid you ?well I have and it really is annoying.

I also don’t buy the am-trying-to be-myself bull some try to sell us. Imagine if some of us went to our bosses and said we won’t follow rules because-we were trying to be our selves (I bet most of us would be unemployed the next day). Sometimes you have follow what’s trending and wow your audience .e.g. I remember in some interview where 50cent was saying the way he had gone to perform his new songs but the audience kept asking for ‘in the club’ because they like it so much and he had to indulge them because that’s what he’s paid to do. So trying to be yourself is cute and all but it don’t sell records.

So sometimes the Kenyan musicians have nice songs and you’re happy to support them, that is until you see the music video and you change your mind. Some try to put nice cars borrowed from mash auto to impress the audience who know very well they can’t afford the car. Makes me want to go settle at the bottom of the ocean. The music videos don’t have to be over complicated people, look at Madtraxx - get down its so simple yet very entertaining. You don’t have to copy western styles to make it in this industry.

Don’t get me started on the ridiculous stage names. I recently heard that there’s a musician in Kenya called Bedbug. There seven kinds of wrong with that name, am not even going to get into it now! There’s a band called six pence none the richer and the story behind the name will blow you away, if not make you love them more.

As much as musicians love music it sometimes good to have other sources of income. Be a good business man too, there a reason why they call it show business. One can make money from other interesting venture like: Liz Ogumbo who is mixing her love for fashion and music, Amani mixing her music and doing commercials, Sanaipei Tande and her love for karaoke,radio presenting and some are doing clothe line etc. At least you have something to fall back on if your album doesn’t sell like you hoped.

As much as I m saying to treat music as a business you need to genuinely love it too. It goes a long way in making your performances more electrifying. Dela on one of the interviews said that for every performance she always makes sure she performs at least one new song. That point right there made me love her even more. This woman love what she does, you can see it in her face when she performs. Believe me if you are faking it the audience will find you out soon.

You need to look good, for real! Your career depends on your looks, am sorry we the audience judge you harshly. You can’t have a bad hair day, because I have never seen anyone in the office having a bad hair day and since you’re a musician 24hrs a day you just cannot have a bad hair day. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune either to look good, especially since we have Ngara where you can go in the evening when the kanjo askaris are not around and wear a large hat to hide your face and shop till you drop.lol

Don’t forget the bogus beefs that they normally have with each other. Seriously! Why cant you just do your thing and forget what the other person is doing, battle it out in your music. Make your music so good that people want to be you jameni. Those beefs are so 90s no one listens to them any more, at least I don’t.

That being said there’s no love lost between me and the Kenyan musicians as I know they have the potential to make it big even outside Kenya. In fact some are even well know outside Kenya than in Kenya (that’s a story for another day). It would be nice to see musicians’ able to live off their music and help grow this struggling industry.

priests and wine

My family is Anglican but I have attended mostly the modern protestant churches all my life only breaking to attend the catholic church in high school (you see it was compulsory there) .

One thing about the churches is that they use non alcoholic wine or black current juice during Holy Communion. I recently accompanied my mother to the Anglican Church and she went to partake the Bread and Wine.

When she came back to sit next to me and whisper I could not believe my nose (or it my eyes). Her breath smelled of alcohol. Soon the whole room was reeking of alcohol, especially because it’s a very small church. Now it all made sense, back at school some of the “fathers” smelled of alcohol and fell asleep during mass. They were drinking alcohol in church (I hope I won’t get in trouble saying this).

I’m told that after mass some priest actually drink the left over wine. Some even become alcoholic because of this.SMH. My mum’s best friend is Catholic and she confirmed this. According to her “the priest is celebrating mass”. I mean what did I think ‘celebration’ meant? There’s so many things wrong with that sentence but I won’t go into it now. I wonder if they have “how not to get drunk while celebrating mass” units/subjects at the seminary.

i love the English language,i really do.

I was born in the village-there I said it. I went to baby class in one of the local nursery schools (kindergarten for some of you).They taught in my native dholuo and instead of milk or juice during break time, they gave us porridge. I can’t for the life of me understand why the porridge had to be damn hot. The other kids were able to drink it but it burned my lips to the point where I stopped drinking it altogether. I was hungry all the time but at least it made me a few friends who offered to drink it for me.

I think that experience scarred me for life; I can’t drink any thing hot. I used to be embarrassed before but with time I came to accept it. When I go into a restaurant these days and I buy a hot drink, I play with my phone or eat something else while I wait for it to cool. When I visit people’s houses they are always like “mbona haukunywi chai yako” and I smile and distract them with lots of stories and it almost never fails to get them off my back. At work I used to go into the kitchen and look for something to poesha the chai until the Kitchen lady found me and told me to and I quote “grow up” and I stopped. So I devised a new method to cool my tea-yes I added cold water from the water dispenser to make it warm. I know its disgusting but the body wants what it wants when it wants .I normally watch in awe as some people get the chai from the jiko to their lips. wish I could do that too.

My dad got a job in the city hence we had to move. Then he made the “mistake” of enrolling me in one of the good nursery schools there. Thats when I countered the first culture shock. These kids spoke fluent English and Kiswahili. Some of them had been born outside the country and had impeccable English and I was blown away. I mean they spoke like some of the people I saw on telly .The only language I could speak was dholuo, hence the language barrier. I could not talk to the other kids and yes the teacher too. When the teacher asked me what my name was I had no idea what she was going on about.

why are all kindergarten teachers female?

Some teachers confused this with nonchalance and reported me to my mama. She decided to stick my name on my sweater next to my handkerchief to save the teacher from asking or even calling her to school again.

This meant that I lived a double life. In school I was quiet but at home I was a parrot and couldn’t stop speaking, it was like I was compensating for the silence at school. Whenever my father wanted me to keep quiet, hed tell me to say what I wanted to say in English

I know cruel ,right?

but at least he didn’t tear my ass up with the switch like some of the kids in our neighborhood.

So you could say that this was when I became obsessed with English. I wanted to know it, I wanted to be fluent like the kids at school, and so I came up with a plan on how I was going to learn English.
I read books,watched cartoons, hang around the cool kids and listened to their conversations. Bet they thought I was weird.

I later learnt that our house help did not know how to read or write so I took it upon myself to teach her. She was so embarrassed to be taught by a child such that I whenever I gave her homework she copied from the textbooks and this pissed me off and I gave up on her(come on,I was a child).So I continued having the torture sessions where I had to translate for her what was being said on telly on those soaps-remember THE RICH ALSO CRY,NO ONE BUT YOU,THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL(oh the things I did for love)

Through out school I performed well in English and when it came time for choosing a course to take in college it was easy because I knew I wanted to do. yes English and literature. No matter what happens English remains and will always be my favorite subject.

Wish my father could see me now, not only do I k now English but I also teach it.
Feels so good!

There’s no such thing as soul mates…

Yeah I said it.

There’s no such thing as soul mates. I hope I didn’t disappoint anyone out there.

In one of my previous blogs I talked about, being careful about the words we use because we don’t know where it has been. Well, I found out where the soul mate phrase has been. I read somewhere today that this word came from some story from the ancient Greece. (I think you better sit down for this one) The story says that human beings originally consisted of four arms, four legs and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them. Hence the phrase soul mate or better half.

Somehow this word has spread so much so that I have even heard Christians use it. Some how they are convinced that there’s only this one person who can complete them. There’s only one person who your destined to be with till the end of time. So this means out of all the billions of people on Gods earth only one has a shot at being your spouse/lover. I don’t know about you but I think something is wrong with this belief.

Why? Because it has done more damage than good. You see people have an idea of what a soul mate should be, so when you come up short they easily drop you and continue with their quest for the perfect one. Human beings are not perfect and some like me who have come undone definitely don’t fit the ideal “soul mate” category. What shot do we have at being chosen as someone’s “the one”. We have also heard people who get divorced and when asked why they simply reply “he/she is not the one”.

I don’t know if this reason is acceptable in court or not, but I’m guessing not. I find it hard to believe that grown people have the balls to even rob their kids of a complete family with the excuse that so and so is not the one. Seriously! So lets say God forbid your soul mate dies what happens then? Do you follow them, or you move or what?

Any who as a Christian I’m inclined to refer to the bible for my beliefs. So if you ain't a Christian maybe the next thing that you will read wont make much sense but your welcome to read on.

The Bible says nothing about soul mates or if we are only limited to only one person. my guess is maybe it’s because when it comes to choosing your spouse God gives you the free will to choose. All he asks is that you involve him in your day to day life activities so that he guides you in your interaction with this person. So as long as you follow the Bibles principles on how to co exist with other people,you will be fine.

If anything the Bible talks about choosing a person then making he/she the one. Look at Mark10:7-8.the man and woman leave the parents and become one. This means you choose the one you love, then love the one you have chosen. Its a choice, love is a choice. Its not just a feeling as some people put it, Its what you want, what you prefer. So it doesn’t really matter how you meet. Sparks don’t have to fly and shooting stars and all the stuff Hollywood, Nollywood and riverwood has told you. I know people who hated each other when they met and later on grew to love each other. Some meet in the most weird circumstances, just listen to the stories on the WEDDING SHOW and SAMANTHA BRIDAL programmes on telly. You’ll be amused.

Women are the ones who mostly believes in the soul mate bs, that’s why they can have a good male pal (a potential lover) as a friend for years and refuse to date them because of stupid reasons like I don’t want to ruin the friendship.wtf!

Men on the other hand always look for opportunities to fall in love. I actually think they are the most accommodating “equal opportunity daters” (yeah I made that word up). They can date their boss, your sister, your mboch, your best friend, brides maid, their doctor etc and not feel weird at all. Every where they go they keep their eyes open. That’s why its hard for a man to stay single for long after a break up. Whether they do it out of genuine love or curiosity is what I cannot quite confirm.

So for the love of (anything sacred) please open up your hearts people, look around you.

Go on dates with people of the opposite sex you might just be surprised to find somebody who you can choose to like and spend the rest of your life with and always remember there’s no such thing as a soul mate!

what if your wrong?

I’ve just watched some movie where a teenager lied to her mother that she was raped. The mother then tells the husband who immediately assumes it’s the boyfriend. The man goes on to kill the boy and later on discovers that the daughter lied because she was too embarrassed to admit to the parents she was sexually active. The father goes to jail and the mother and daughter are left to live with the guilt of knowing they “ killed” somebody on false information.

This movie made me think on how many times we’ve punished people for crimes they did not actually commit? They just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time but we were too annoyed to look at it from their point of view. In the movie at least we got to see the unfortunate ending but what about those people who are paying for sins we falsely accused them of and we don’t even know. They are walking around with the hurt we caused them and we’ve got no clue. Like in my previous blog where @Wyndago comments that maybe I’m overreacting to something and blowing it out of proportion. That maybe my friend was genuinely in trouble and needed some space and it was never about me. What if I’m wrong… (Good thing I’m never wrong.lol)

One of my very close friends made me promise that if I ever find her beau cheating I should not tell her. And she also informed me that she would do the same for me too, although I’m not quite sure I would want that. Heres her explanation…what if you’re wrong and you cost me a relationship that would have worked out? What if I’m wrong and I cost some child a father? What if I’m wrong and cost some women her marriage? what if I’m wrong and cost a man his wife and child? I mean think about it, there are people who have been accused of cheating and they really are innocent?

Ive also been watching CASE FILES on KTN and there are people who claim that they are innocent. What if they are really innocent, what have we done???Just thinking about it gives me the creeps! How will we ever make it up to them the time they’ve lost spent in jail?

So before you go reporting something make sure you’re absolutely sure without a doubt you know what you saw. Its not what you think you saw: Maybe its an text that you misconstrued, maybe a jealous friend told you what they think they saw, maybe the person being accused has a bad history so your quick to judge them. It could be anything. There need to be cold hard evidence that cannot be refuted because life is not black and white like some of us think. They are grey areas and we really could be wrong...

The thing about words is….

In Netherlands, Monday is the most popular day to commit suicide, call in sick and surf the web.

Not a good way to start a blog eh?.

Forget Friday the 13th that most people are scared of, Monday is what you should be scared of people. I don’t know about the rest of the world but I’m guessing it’s also the same as Netherlands. I knew Mondays was not everybody’s favorites but I never knew that it has such a bad history though. Apparently in the Islamic and Hebrew calendar it’s considered to be the first day of the week. But in the Jewish and Christian calendar it’s considered as the second day of the week after Sunday. Not only are people killing themselves on Monday but they cant even agree on what day of the week it is, I mean how bad can it get.

According to history that I learnt in school, Monday is named after the moon and Sunday after the sun and Saturday after the planet Saturn. I cant remember what the teacher said after that or even what the days have to do with the solar system and frankly I really don’t care that much.
In various communities in Africa people are sometimes named after the days of the week. E.g. Kojo-means born on Monday

I don’t know if the same applies to our very handsome Boris Kodjoe.lol..
I don’t know what those people who are named after Monday will feel about this information or if they even know about it in the first place.

Some one once said that the thing about words is we never know where they have been. And someone jokingly said (on one of the two social networks that frequent) that the thing about words is you don’t know in whose mouth they have been. I mean until today I did not even know that Monday is associated with suicide and all that other stuff. Or even its connection with the planets or the big debate on which day of the week it is. Now that I know I’m intrigued, though I don’t even know what to do with this information.

This proves the statistics that says 80% of English language is borrowed from other languages…yes even Swahili (remember safari), Germany-kindergarten, French-façade etc. I’m guessing when they are borrowed into the English language the meaning slightly changes. As English continues to evolve a lot of words are being dropped along they way. For instant the word arse (ass) was actually acceptable in the old English and could be used in polite conversations .But I’m sure if I used it next to my mother I will be forced to leave my forwarding address and go.

Now let’s go to our Kenyan languages it gets even juicier. Words that mean one thing in this language mean another in the next language. e.g. in Kisii teta-means sexual intercourse while the same word in Kalenjin means –cows… yes both in writing and pronunciation . A story is told of a young man who wanted to marry a kisii lady said he was going to bring teta as dowry on a certain day. Im sure the wazees almost chocked on their local beer.

Another example is in my native luo the word theri- means vagina but in Kikuyu it means –soil or earth. So you can imagine how hard it has been for me to get used to them saying it right,left and centre , especially since I’ve been raised in a Town that has the Highest Kikuyu population after Central province. When my cousins came over for a visit they used to giggle whenever they heard it being said. This reminds me of a time when in our home town the words “ntakufinya” was sheng for I will beat you up. Then I moved to another town where “ntakufinya” had sexual connotation, So u can imagine what happened when I told some guy “ntakufinya”. Since then I’m afraid of sheng since I could easily say the wrong word in the wrong context and elicit negative reactions from the people im trying to communicate with. So people next time you open your mouth to say something, make sure you know where that word has been.

if you go,please stay gone

So I was talking to my sister a couple of days ago and she was going on and on about how one of her best friends who started acting all funny all of a sudden. Let me elaborate…you see this friend stopped picking her calls or replying texts and gave excuses whenever she invited her out. At first she had brushed it off and made excuses for her thinking that maybe school work was weighing her down or maybe she is going through something and needed space. So she decided to give her sometime to work out her issues.

When a few days had passed by without her calling, she decided to be the bigger man (read woman) and call. Nothing in the world would have prepared her for the unprintable words that came out of the friend’s mouth. She didn’t actually give me a whole lot of details but from the look on her face I could tell she was really hurt. All she wanted to know was what she had done that was so bad that she could not be forgiven. This is the person they had grown up with, talked about anything under the sun, knew all her dark secrets. Even I found this hard to believe because I knew the friend . I tried prodding her and asking how the last conversation went or if she saw any signs. She told me she didn’t see it coming at all.

Wait! It doesn’t end there. A few days ago the friend shows up. No apologies, no explanation no nothing. What got my goats was that she expected they would pick from where they had left just like that. What arrogancy! How dare she think she can waltz into somebody s life just like that? My sister still hasn’t told me how she intends to handle it and frankly I really don’t want to know because its not about me…it never was.(By now you know I have this habit of getting into stuff that ain't my business. It s like a disease if you will. I don’t really see myself going to loliondo anytime soon.lol)

My sisters scenario reminded me of someone who was my friend last year and went AWOL on me too (explains why my sisters story has touched me so). He Stopped calling, emailing…generally cut off all communication with me. When I finally swallowed my huge pride (damn near chocked on it) I called him to ask what was up with … He gave me the im-trying-to -find–myself bull, and how he wanted to be a better person (And he couldn’t do that with me around?). I swear I felt like Lucifer, you would think as friend he would have tried to make the exit as painful as possible for me or at least not blame me for his actions. I also blamed myself for every thing and thought that if I tweaked a few areas of my character maybe he would come back. So Being the good friend that I am I respected his space and stayed away.

Earlier last month the genius had the gull to call me to meet over lunch and catch up. That he had missed me and we that should hang out. That he was going through some rough time(as if my life is perfect). What chaffed my ass was he tried guilt trip me into taking him back, seriously! Where do this people come from(I swear I know how to pick em) .I mean if your going to win me over you have to come better than that. Its like he had thought my life was on pause when he left and I hadn’t moved on and he could later return to unpause it(if theres such a word like that)

Yes you guessed it..I declined. Thing is my heart is not like a welcome-home door mat. You do not come in and go out as you please. You do not become my friend when its convenient for you. Being a friend is not part time its all the time, every time, overtime (remember that song). Well maybe he should have thought about it before he left. Actually after he left I made peace with myself and let go. I have no problem with him leaving it’s the coming back that squeezes my lemons(I swear I don’t know where I get this phrases).

If your going to leave someone please leave and stay gone. Don't come back kuguzishia mtu kidonda. Its not cool. Now he has moved to sending me emails and calling me with private numbers and very soon if he doesn’t stop i'm going to have to get that restraining order

I love men

This post has been inspired by the #iloveaboy topic that’s trending on twitter today. It made me think about men .

I love men, I really do. I think I have known that since I was seven. I’m told by my aunties that in class three I had a “boyfriend”(lets call him X) who I used to quote every time. I could say stuff and when asked how I knew that I would simply say x said so .I can’t remember his name now though!

I love how I get nervous around a boy I like. I can't seem to control my rogue heart... How I believe everything he says and hang on his every word.

Like when he says I have nice eyes even though I wear glasses and have bugs (not Louis vuitton) under my eyes.lol. Somehow when he says it, it sounds true. Like how I cant sleep before talking to him or when I stay by the phone hoping he would call or keep on checking my phone to see if he has sent me a text. Or how I feel homicidal when I see him talking to another chic. Or how I get pissed when he goes out with the boys and eat in to our we-time.

I love my men natural, simple (not simplicity of the mind though),who puts me in my place because sometimes I can get out of line just to test the boundaries. I like my men in official attire but a simple jeans and T-shirt during the weekend. None of the flags these boys be wearing these days. The only bling he should have is his watch and maybe a wedding ring later.

Things have changed though, since X. Men these days are liberal with their dressing and mannerisms. Some even confess to putting on a lil make up to hide a few flaws. Some have over bearing colognes that if he leaves the room and you come in you will know he was there. Men are now wearing lots of jewelry and keeping long hair so much so that my mum made me swear never to bring home a man who has hair longer than mine(the things I do for love)

Somehow our differences are not being celebrated,but there quickly being mashed up to gether and the lines are becoming a bit blurry .The way I see , its like the world is hell bent on turning men into women. Not only in appearance but also in behavior. Now men are being told to be in touch with their feminine side(what does that even mean) and let it all out. Personally I have never seen by brother or dad cry even my male friends too (I don’t know what ill do if they ever do).

Nowadays its ok for them to go into the kitchen and cook. do laundry, carry the baby...again I have never seen this happen in my family, so don’t take it badly if you find me cooking for my male pals because I feel odd just seated in the living area and be waited upon by a man. (Maybe its coz I don’t trust them to cook well and you know how medical cover siku hizi iko wasi wasi) .Unless of course its made in my absence.

I miss how men used to be kitambo. Strong,hairy chests,yellow teeth and smelling of sweat(I hear that ish has pheromones to attract females)LOL. How they were pillars of strength , t hat no matter what happened and a man was around you felt safe.
On the other side the modern man is more approachable and accommodating, He is not afraid to show weakness and accepts that he is human,I swear sometimes I thought my father was God coz of the way he withstood pain and went through life fearless or so I thought.Maybe one day I learn to embrace the modern metrosexual man and his queer ways. Until then…

Whats in a name?

My first name is victorine which according to my mama is a corruption of the name Victoria which as we all know means conqueror or victory(Google says its the french version of Victoria, but they wrong- because mama is always right) My middle name is Bertha means bright/clever while my luo name is Anyango which simply means I was born in the morning around nine-ish.

As the story goes I was born prematurely, feet first and weak but I was determined to live. But not to worry ,I wont bore you with the stories of my childhood and all that kind of stuff.

Personally I believe names are prophecies. They are your destiny and attribute to your personality. I remember when I was in high school somebody nicknamed me malale because I fell asleep in class. After that I couldn’t stop sleeping in class even in the morning!

Now for those of you who don’t know, malale is Swahili for sleeping sickness.

When I discovered the name versus prophecy theory I dropped it and viola! I stopped sleeping in class…yes just like that. This means that names have a powerful effect on the kind of person you will be.

I think that also rings true for social networks too. i.e. the user names that people give themselves, Normally its not by chance, mostly they have a meanings that only the user understands. Mine as you have seen is jaber3000 ,I love andre 3000 so you know…

If u observe closely men normally give themselves names for what they aspire to like superman, gentle man, richboy, bigdick

a man can dream can he?

But am concerned about my fellow ladies because sometimes they are modest when giving themselves user names like there's something so wrong with giving yourself an ambitious name(exhibit A the name Jaber3000 so shallow.lol) .but that’s a story for another day.

Names also connects us with our family and ancestors. One feels like part of the family. It brings the family together. If you look at western civilization young people are alienated from their parents n am guessing its because they don’t retain their family names and stress on individuality

I don’t know though ,I could be wrong

Im named after my grandma and I feel connected to her and the funny thing is am exactly like her: loud, social, loving and bright/clever-yes she went to siriba college (now maseno university) and she never lets me forget it.So my theory that people take up the character of people they are named after could be true.

On the other hand if your named after a person who has a serious weakness .e.g. alcoholic you'll pick up the character and give the next generation hell. This means if there are generational curses they can be carried onto the next generation through names..guess it could go either way.

So for all of you out there who are thinking of having kids these are the things you should consider:-

1. Make the name easy to pronounce even for the child and spare him/her the agony of having to spell out the name every time theyre filling out a form or just introducing themselves.

2. Don’t look at popularity ati mtoi anaitwa Paloma ,valentia after the soap operas that have dominated out screens or after football players ati ronaldinho..smh

3. Don’t feel pressurized to name your kid after a family member as a sense of duty...sio lazima

4. Make sure you know the right meaning of the name e.g. Sharon means desert, Belinda means snake..u see what I mean?

5. Try to make sure the name does not easily rhyme so that your child is not teased at school.

women and sex

First of all I would like to tell all the prudes not to worry as Im not going to delve into the gory details of what sex is all about. Ill just share the stuff that I’ve found amusing about sex and ladies in particular. So you can continue reading on, come on don’t be shy…

Where was I…Yes...sex…you can talk about the weather, politics, art and some people wont know what to say but talk about sex and suddenly every one has an opinion even those who are not having any. So you could say that sex makes for an interesting topic. The thing about sex is that it’s very powerful it can be used to manipulate, control and also for good for those who genuinely love each other (I guess)

Trouble comes when the two people (three people etc, etc) involved are not on the same page as to why they are doing it. One person is having fun akijiokolea while the other one is thinking white dress down the aisle, barefoot and pregnant t on the patio. After the “dust settles” you have broken hearts and shattered dreams all b because somebody entered into the union without declaring their expectations.

Sadly the people who always get hurt are women because they never read the signs or take hints that men throw at them. This is also where the issue of rape also comes in. When your body language is telling the man you want the “joystick” but in reality you’re just hanging out with the dude with no intention of giving up the goods. You get they guy all confused because in his mind he is thinking: she came to my house on her own volition, so I guess I could kiss her, and surprise , surprise some ladies even agree to remove all their wardrobe with still no intention of giving up the goods and hence what happens sometimes? You get raped. I’m not justifying rape or condone it and I wouldn’t wish it even on my worse enemy but I’m just saying if you have no intention of having sex don’t put your self in such positions.

There’s the time when the lady negotiates at the wrong time. Like this dude was telling me that some girl waited until they were naked to ask him “do you love me”. Seriously ladies when you are sprawled there like a star fish naked and ask a guy if he loves you...What’s not to love about a naked woman? So when you later break up and you are in the man-bashing fest with your girl friends you begin saying how this guy lied to you and yet it was your fault in negotiating when it’s too late.

Then there when the lady thinks the man should take responsibility of contraception. Ideally It would be good if all men did but sadly they aren’t the ones who are at high risk of un wanted pregnancy or catching the STD’s etc. Like this lady for instance was telling me how her boyfriend is freaking lazy and always forgets to carry his condoms.” It’s like he’s trying to get me pregnant” was what was going through her mind. So I asked her why don’t you buy and carry your own condoms. Boy you should have seen the look she gave me; you would think I was asking her to kill somebody. I can’t do that! What would they people at the counter think of me? She found it disgusting and yet she was having unprotected sex, go figure. So I came up with an idea, ill go get her the condoms and save her a lot of heart ache. Again she gave me the look. Apparently she can’t carry a pack of condoms too. I gave up...

This one lady made me bust out laughing when she told me that she is afraid to be seen by her boyfriend enjoying sex. According to her it will make her boyfriend think she is loose or has been around. I know its weird, but you must admit it’s pretty funny. Imagine trying to have a serious/straight-faced cumface, hilarious! Makes me wonder what’s the whole point of having sex in the first place if you don’t intend to give and TAKE also. I’m telling you chics we can get quite complicated!

Any who with that said I think that sex is an important part of a relationship and would like to urge the ladies have it at the right time, with the right person, for the right reasons and try to avoid getting it twisted. I always say know what your getting yourself into don’t be afraid to ask the genious “where is this relationship going?” (I know my male pals are going to kill me for this.lol) so that I can enjoy bonding with my female pals without having to suffer the lamentation of a lady scorned, It really is getting old yawa

women and money

I read somewhere today that women spend the first 20 something years of their lives preparing for and waiting for Mr. Right. They want to know what men want and do anything to get attention their.

When they do finally find Mr. Right they are willing to quit jobs and follow prince charming to the next town to pursue his career. If the man does not like their job they’ll drop it like a bad habit and look for another one right quick.

They read magazines on ways how to please men, watch talk shows, exchange info with their girls on how to deal with men and pass them on to their children. They are willing to risk it all for the man of their dreams with no hesitation or reservation.

I know by now you are probably wondering where I’m going with all this but not to worry because ill soon get to the point

Now the most interesting thing is they are not willing to do the same for their finances. They don’t want to try that new business, they don’t want to change jobs or buy those shares etc when they’re single which I find quite unusual. Rarely have I sat down with a group of single ladies and talked about finances

maybe I need to change friends. lol

Its always he did, he said blah blah blah…like its obscene for a woman to talk about money. If anything majority are walking around with this entitlement feeling: my husband/boyfriend/sugar daddy/father...is supposed to take care of me after all I’m a woman. So they trust their financial future to some man who sometimes they haven’t even found yet.

Yeah I know its appalling but it’s the reality.

If you look at statistics most marriages end up in divorce

it does not please me to say so

and sadly most of the time the woman is left penniless or has to lower their quality of life. Another thing 80% of women outlive their spouses meaning they need to invest more for their sunset years...

explains why men are so extravagant

...than their male counter part.

Mothers are the primary care givers they spend more time with the children so you would think they would pass on knowledge about finances to the kids but sadly they don’t.

As I’m writing this I have no investment to my name and prolly need this information more than you who is reading this. There’s so much information about money going around if only women could open their eyes. So I have purposed in my heart to read about finances/money daily and try to stay awake during BUSINESS WEEKLY ama MONEY MATTERS.

Its actually amusing how we watch sensational news with my girls and when business news comes on we mute the telly and gossip na if anybody asks ..HAKUNA NEWS KWA TV. Drives my brother crazy sometimes when we do that to him.

My mentor/Referee had tried to initiate me in to the world of investing and now I honestly understand his frustration. But all this is about to change because im going to make money...Im not going to inherit it or marry in to it...

although it would be nice

...am going to make it.

Yeah I said it(watch this space).

relationship woes

Today I was thinking about relationships between men and women (don’t ask me why but I was).I was wondering why everything has gotten so complicated. Where have we gone wrong since the days of our fore fathers where marriages lasted? Where did the rains begin beating us?(I’ve always wanted to use those words).So after a lot of research and speaking to my pals I have finally gotten a few insights into why everything is falling apart:

-

The belief that the other gender has it easy: Women think its all gravy for the men in that they get to do what they want. Men on the other side feel that women have it easy what with all the gender equality stuff which happens to favour them. Instead of working with each other we are fighting each other, like the opposite sex has become the enemy.

Too high expectations: people go into relationship with impossible expectations. You want your lover to fix you, to make you happy and restore your faith in the human kind. To undo all the wrongs the opposite sex has done to you. And because they are human they sometimes fall short of these expectations, one ends up feeling hurt and make the exit.

Lack of commitment: There’s this phrase that I have an issue with.

LOVE WITH YOUR HEAD NOT YOUR HEART.
(Now how does this go again?)

We are taught how to go into relationship with one foot outside the door. As if there’s something so wrong with being in love. Its like love has become a curse word these days. I for one don’t know how to love nusu/nusu. its either I’m in 100% or out. I love wholesale (that’s how my mama describes me).And I have never regretted it ,People have become lazy with the its-never-that-serious attitude., don’t demand excellence from each other, they don’t give their best in relationships. They get away with a lot of thing they need to be accountable for. This way when challenges come they can leave easily.

There’s the distorted view of Sex and its value in relationship: Men and women have forgotten how to be friends in the first place. I personally know of a male friend (not really a friend) who has to sleep with any woman who comes into his life he doesn’t have any platonic relationship with the opposite sex in his life. According to him men and women can be platonic friends, People sleep with people whose last name they don’t even know and no one sees anything wrong with that (I could get into why its wrong but that’s a story for another day)

Immaturity: long ago when people passed through the rites of passage they knew what was expected of them. They were given responsibilities and knew what the society expected of them and there was no confusion. Nowadays we have 20somethings and 30something adolescents running around living reckless lives without any responsibilities whatsoever .Drinking and sleeping around without a care in the world. Some go into relationships expecting to find happiness and generally have a good time. Some have esteem issues and look to others to complete them. If your not happy alone sweetie you wont be happy in a relationship. Now we have miserable people hooking up then breaking up and spreading the virus of immaturity around .

Instant gratification: We live in a society where people want quick fixes. You see someone you like you don’t get to know them better. You just go ahead to hit it and quit it and if you have time go to brag about it then do it all over again. I have friend who has slept with chiqs from different ethnic groups in Kenya and is keeping a diary of the same. I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want to live like this.

Programmed to fail: The ideas that we have of relationship, the expectations, the roles, the values are just plain wrong. The movies we’ve watched have distorted our views. The different backgrounds of abuse, trauma, broken homes, drug abuse etc and makes people to not believe their relationships can survive coz they’ve never seen it work for anyone./

Stresses of life: high fuel prices, high cost of living, over worked-underpaid...etc. Recently I saw people sleeping in a matatu from the estate to town and I’m guessing they didn’t get enough sleep (stress perhaps).People has no way to decompress and hence they take it out on each other.

People are shallow and care more about what others think of them than what their partner thinks. They want to maintain appearances of the perfect image to their friends. They want to date the good person, from the good family so as to look good in front of people at the expense of their happiness they don’t want to appear as failures in front of their friends

Now this is a big one. People have taken God out of the equation. There are things you can never know about your partner as only God knows. You need to pray to God to give you a good person in your life. There also stuff you can’t get people to do but God can. Don’t do things alone believe in the divine provision?

-To improve relationships people should value each other, support each other and learn to speak their minds, clarify their agreements, expectations, roles and values so that no one gets things twisted. Find something in common to bond over. See the good in each other and if you find time in your busy schedule read!corinth13 and Ephesians 5:25-33 and it will put things into perspective.

the human pest

Ever had a guest that just wouldn’t leave your house? As in they just came to crash at your place for a few days which turned into weeks, months…They refuse to leave when their time is up. You throw them hints and even bluntly ask them to leave but they came up with excuses and gut rending stories and guilt trip you especially if they had helped you earlier.

The worst part of it all is that some of these guests don’t pull their weight around the house. You literally wait on them and provide for their every need leaving you deprived of some privileges you used to enjoy before they came. Wait it doesn’t stop there! They’ll go on to take over your house and it soon begins to look like they are the owners of the house and you are the outsider. They watch their favourite channels on YOUR telly and have the guts to change the channels with out asking

I mean it’s not like you were trying to watch Churchill live or anything

they touch your stuff without asking, some even have the gull to go through your diary.
I had one such guest who even put a picture of herself on the wall yet she could see clearly I hadn’t put any pictures on the wall. Guess it didn’t occur to her that I loved the way my house looked like a morgue with the white walls and everything

I’m guessing that’s how a morgue looks like at least as I have seen in the movies.
When you have pals over they dominate the conversations and “take” your friends from you. Some go to the extent of washing your dirty linen in public by telling people how you snore when you sleep, how your boyfriend is ugly and you can do better etc basically embarrassing things you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

They turn your house into a Casino where they entertain their guests till late at night, eating all the food in your fridge, watching movies, drinking and yelling on top of their lungs as if you don’t have to wake up early the next day to go to work and bring home the bacon that obviously you wont get to eat in peace.

When you leave for work the next day all cranky, they are sprawled on what used to be your couch snoring away oblivious of how their noise kept you awake last night. When you come in the evening you will find them still on the same spot only waking up to go to the loo or the fridge for re fills.

At this point resentment kicks in and the channels of communications are broken and your reduced to question and answer conversations...

YOU:sasa
PEST:poa
YOU:Umepika
PEST:hapana…blah blah blah.

Then the games begin where you plot to make their life miserable as much as you can: you stop stocking the fridge, you eat at the office and come home just to sleep, you buy one bar of soap which you give Mama wa Nguo to wash your clothes because you are too chicken to say no when the pests brings their clothes for washing.

Then eventually all hell breaks loose, tempers flare, you argue and maybe even physically fighting where the relationship goes through irreparable damage and your guest finally storms out.

Your supposed to be thrilled that the guest left(maybe even with some of you stuff)but your not because you are mad at your self for letting things go this far and now you cannot mend the bridges or take back all the mean things that you had said in anger. All this could have been easily prevented if you follow these simple rules:

1. Avoid taking handouts from people because most people always come to collect on these favours. Only reach out for help when you’ve exhausted every avenue.

2. When a guest comes to your house ask them how long they intend to stay and what steps are they taking to facilitate their moving out. (Are they looking for a job?)Don’t be afraid to ask these questions

3. Once in the house establish your rules and maintain your daily routine. It’s your house after all.

4. Before leaving the house every morning tell them what’s for supper so whoever comes first knows the drill.

5. Dont wait on them, make sure they pull their weight in the house e.g. doing their laundry

6. If your friends are coming over inform your pest sorry guest mapema and make sure you establish the rules of engagement. If possible rotate visitations in the various houses and don’t let your house be the only meeting point.

Be a kind to your self ,don’t let people treat you the way they want and walk all over you. Its your casa and so your rules apply. Teach people how to treat you by the way you carry out yourself. And people lets just try to get along!

think you are suffering?

Jesus Christ
Crucified

Saint Paul
Persecuted

Martin Luther
Shot

Nelson Mandela
Jailed

And you
suffering?

INNOCENT

All evidence point to me
No alibi for you to see
Couldn't dream of hurting you
as i hate to see you blue

No witness to confirm my claim
to help shift all these blame
if i knew this would happen
my eyes could have sharpened

My reasons sound improbable
where i stand they're believable
wish you could hear me out
the truth you'll soon find out

My enemies bear false witness
they've forgotten all my kindness
didn't think it'll come to this
and take away my life's bliss

Now I'm standing here
asking you to lend an ear
tell me you'll believe it
when i say i didn't do it.

IM NOT

I’m not that smile you see
No smile means you’ll ask why
And I really don’t want to
Discuss it with you

I’m not the strong person you know
If weak you’ve none to lean on
You told me I’m your strength
And I can’t fail you

I’m not as stable as you think
I’ve put on this act for long
That it’s now a part of me
I won’t disappoint you

Don’t see me as superwoman
But accept me as I am
Maybe then ill stop pretending
To be what I’m not

SOME FLOWER

Lovely soft hair covers,
Like thick forests of Amazon,
Protecting the delicate insides.

When touched opens up,
Like a rose in full bloom,
Exposing its beautiful folds.

Lovely pink protrusion inside,
Rises up like a small bud,
While it throbs with excitements.

Sweet liquid slowly gathers,
Like nectar inside a flower,
Filling every pore with moisture.

Has a stem thats elongated,
Like a deep well waiting,
To be drawn as needed.

This flower needs to bloom,
First before being touched,
Or it withers and die.

ITS HIM,NOT ME

IT’S HIM, NOT ME
Cut my hair short,
Died it black,
Just like he liked.

Wore the ridiculous dress,
Ironed it right,
Just like he asked.

Sat down correctly,
Put my legs together,
Just like he showed.

Spoke good grammar,
Vocabulary perfect,
Just like he wanted.

Got good grades,
Passed all tests,
Just like he ordered.

Believed no one,
Became paranoid,
Just like he was.

Lost myself,
Felt inadequate,
just like he planned.

It’s him not me,
That was wrong,
Just as I suspected.

SIGNS THAT YOUR WOMAN WANTS OUT

Signs that she wants out of a relationship

First of I should let you know that I’ve never played with someone’s heart  and I never will  because I guess I don’t have it in me and I find it kinda pointless and a waste of time and emotions. If you want to leave someone you should leave already and spare them the agony of wondering where you both stand. I don’t know why but for some reason some ladies never want to do the leaving, they want to act out so that you dump them and make it seem like it was your idea in the first place. Somehow they think that they are helping you and your ego which to me doesn’t make sense because it’s a lot of energy doing this acting. But if its any consolation to you guys at least they care enough to want to give you the upper hand.lol.

Any who the reason for writing is to show you the subtle and not so subtle signs you look for in your woman. But before I do so not every thing I say here is true for all women so try not to read too much  in to everything .I don’t want to be a home wrecker of some sort. This info is for those who know in their hearts that it really is over.sawa? sawa.so here they are:-

1. She starts to avoid meeting with you as often as you used too. You are no longer a priority in her life. Always coming up with excuses have a lot of work ,I’m going to my mums, I’m going to church etcetera.

2. She doesn’t call and when you call she doesn’t pick and if she does pick its one word answers; yes, no,maybe,o.k even your texts go unanswered..if she replies its LOL K. hi hi hi… and oh don’t forget the ever annoying smileys.

3.things that used to piss her off about you e.g. chewing food loudly. burping contests, watching football, staying out late  etc no longer do..she’s too agreeable .In other scenarios  the things that never used to bother her about you all of a sudden do,she hates ur favourite shirt, ur mama etc(depends on ur womans character though)

4.She starts dressing too sexy when going out with the girls. start putting on make-up even if she never used to.(Shes trying to catch somebodys attention and it aint you)

5.She develops a new hobby all of a sudden e.g. golf,pool,watching football etc  to impress the new guy or spend time with him.

6. She starts arguments that have no basis with you all the time. You argue about anything and everything all the time. She nags you everyday and nothing you do is ever good enough. Even you standing there and breathing pisses her off. Your very existence gives her grief…k.. u get my drift.Then the disrespect starts when ameingia box ya the new guy.the back talk and cussing even in front of your boys. In dholuo we call it odhiegoni wach(OUCH)

7. She stops demanding stuff from you e.g Credit, Rent,Salon money etc  because at this point someone else is doing it.(WOIYE)

8.Now this is the big one. She stops touching you. Every time you reach out to touch her she coils,like you have leprosy or some dreaded contagious disease.She even avoids looking you in the eye(GUILT perhaps?).She gives excuses for not having sex,I have a head ache,I had my hair done(like you are going to have sex with her hair