The most beautiful sad songs

There I was cleaning, the kitchen and tryna colour coordinate the cups #OCDalert! Then BAM! I fell down bum first on the floor. My elbow which I was trying to use to stop from falling dug into the door handle! Now my head, shoulder knees and toes hurt..sob…

I got this awesome swelling on my elbow and my sister tells me its some fluid which I need to ‘rwayo’( I don’t know the English word for this) for it to drain away. I then went into my head(JD style-remember SCRUBS?) when she whipped out some medical terms!

So I thought maybe I should go and stalk people on the internet and what do I find? My kid sister messed with the computer settings while she was watching movies and its friggin bright my eyes hurt and I don’t know how to reverse it…breathe Vicky..breathe Vicky…

My phone is dying and I haven’t got the chums to buy a new one seeing as I am now between jobs (read unemployed) *hint- I need donations.lol. I tried “flashing” it and now I don’t have peoples phone numbers and I have to keep on asking them who they are when they call.nkt!

I then decided to compile my favorite sad songs to help me wallow in self pity, seeing as my day is already jinxed. They are awesome songs and would make you dance on a good day but when you are having a crappy day like mine then they can make you cry buckets!

You know those songs you want to listen to when you just want to be miserable and go through a bad time in your life and deal with it once and for all instead of keeping everything inside.

Sometimes things are not getting better. Sometimes you do not want to dust your self then get back on the stupid horse. Maybe I want to stay in the dirt and inhale the friggin dust and die already. Maybe sometimes the stupid horse is a darn pony which doesn’t support your weight. Sometimes that horse is a stubborn old mule than keeps dropping you down no matter how hard you try to control it. Sometimes the stupid horse is a wild horse which doesn’t want to be tamed.

Sometimes they tell you to leave your fish as there are very many fish in the ocean. What if you do not want another fish, you just that one omena which keeps jumping out of your net. What if the hyacinth has chocked all the other fishes (fish , fishes.. who cares!).

Sometimes you’re tired of being strong and just wanna fall down and cry, no not cry but wail and fight the demons that have held you captive for too long. You want to break down and really feel the pain.
Ok let me save the bad poetry for my poetry blog..sigh! Below are the sad songs with emotional lyrics check them out and thank me later.

Stupid – Toni Braxton

I first heard this song in a Tyler Perry movie. It was at some scene where some lady was crying and it made me want to cry too

…I feel so stupid

Baby gone – Asa

This song is like the most saddest beautiful song ever. When the person you want went away and you wish they could come back

…I wish I could be more for you..
Woiyshe!!!!!

Good man – India Arie

In the lyrics is about a man preparing his wife on what to say to his children if he dies. Reminds me of the soldiers in Somalia

..when the sun comes up and am not home..be strong…

What can I do – The corrs

Imagine someone feeling this way:

..what can I do to make you stay…

Si its too sad??

Where you at – Jenifer Hudson

I never paid this song much attention, when I did it really touched me. It’s so sad but her voice is so beautiful. Reminds me of how I thought this person had my back just coz I had his back. I listened to him and encouraged him when he lost his job till he found another one. When it came for my time he bailed coz he thought he will have to support me, boy did it hurt like a mf. I was so sure he got my back..sigh…

...Thought you were my hero…you were no-show…

Why don’t you love me _Beyonce

..why don’t you love me when I make it so easy to love…

Just watch the video and see what I mean

Coming home – Sauti sol

Watch the video- its reeks of Romeo and Juliet all over again!

Whisky lullaby – Brad paisley feat Alison Kraus

You don’t have to be a country music fan to love this song. The video will make you cry buckets...I know I did.

Easy – Natasha Bedingfield feat Rascal flatts

You have broken up with someone and it hurts like a mf but you are pretending to be happy. Like those chiqs who get dumped then they keep updating statuses to make the ex (who does care anymore) jealous- so sad

Don’t leave me – Pink

I loooove pink she is so raw. She says stuff in her song that should be left in the diary! But she awesome all the same, watch the video- so sad and crazy.

Family potriat

Still by pink. Love how she was able to show how kids of broken homes normally feel

..i will go to bed at night, I won’t spill milk at dinner, I will be good…

Held – Natalie Grant and (In better hands now)

I can never listen to these songs without crying. Reminds me of my pal who passed away (nd my other pal who lost her baby who was only two months old). I saw her phone number on my notebook and im too afraid to erase it, (remember that season of CSI NY where some dude is afraid of throwing away a beach ball coz it had his late wife’s breathe in it). I thought I was crazy for not wanting to get rid of it. I think if I erase it means that I have let go…and I don’t want to.

Someone like you – Adele

Tell me you haven’t sang this song in the bathroom kwa soap! So sad yet so beautiful

Time of the month – Angie stone

Ladies will feel this song more

..my feet are hurting, my back is hurting..

Understand – Joss stone

Its about someone you love but can’t seem to be together for some reason or another and you want to assure them that you do.

..please understand that I won’t always be there when you call…

Why does it hurt – Whitney
You think you have made the right decision but you can understand why it hurts though!

..why does it hurt so bad…

Now that Whitney passed on, it hurts even more listening to it.

Mulika mwizi – Sanaipei feat kidum

This song is effing awesome, dunno why they are not giving it the recognition it deserves in our local radio stations.

What hurts the most – Rascal flatts

You gotta watch the video man. Its painful o

Superwoman – karyn white

..am not your superwoman…am not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is alright.

Heather Headley – I wish I wasn’t

You wish you wasn’t in love with mr.wrong buy you are..hanky anyone???

I cry out- Barlow girl

…I waited for you.. but you didn’t show…

I love the story behind this song, how the girls visited some country which had undergone some war and found some writings on an abandoned house that touched their lives and they added them to the lyrics of the song.

Stole - Kelly Rowland

....She coulda been a movie star
Never got the chance to go that far
Her life was stole, oh
Now we'll never know...

Bob Marley - Redemption song

...Old pirates, yes, they rob I
Sold I to the merchant ships
Give I a hanky, mon.
Me wants to cry...

The acoustics will bring tears to even the strongest persons eyes!

The beast in the beauty: part two

So a few days back I asked my brother why men ask women out even after they say no thousands of times. And my smart bro goes like “ err she said no, she didn’t say never…duh!” See men it’s this kind of thinking that will get you killed. It’s like some of you enjoy pain and suffering. You want your life to be like those of the characters on this TV series I watched called ‘FALLING SKIES’, it was like the saddest movie I have ever watched. I won’t even bother looking for season two. The people suffer from the first episode to the last- it actually lives up to its name; the sky is literally falling for them.

Anyhu now since you men still insist on putting yourself at risk and playing martyr by dating loose cannons aunty Victorine with her big heart like a water melon is here to give you a survival kit. I almost got my online certificate in basic psychology and am almost well equipped to lay on some information on you. And yeah! Almost does count(suck on that Brandy tihihih) I’m a woman of many hidden talents, I tell yah! I got your back men, I got you covered.lol. These are your options baby boy; don’t say I didn’t tell you:

Run ninja, run for your dear life
Ok before you get hot and bothered now hear me out. When you date someone with issues, their issues become your issues. It s hard to distance your self because you are with them like all the time; their behavior is bound to rub off on you. If you marry them then it will affect your children, friends and extended family and you will get double the “dose” of what you are getting now. Are you ready for that???Everyday of your life will be unpredictable, sort of like playing the Russian roulette. You never know what will set them off and make them go really crazy. Their problems range from their lack of commitment to the relationship to fear of intimacy etc. Alternatively if you are a nice dude, you can simply reduce the intensity of the relationship, if it’s at the first stages just limit the association as soon as you notice the danger signs and wean them off you slowly, don’t let the bangin’ booty and great smile fool you ninja.

Now if you decide to stay, you will have to exercise the highest form of patience and commitment.
You will have to sleep with a helmet plus mboshori, bullet proof vest and metallic jock strap (jk okay forget this last sentence.lol.) Remember the burden to change is mostly on them so protect your self emotionally and avoid getting sucked in or get too caught up in their issues. Do not bend over backwards to give in to their unreasonable demands all the time, it will drain you emotionally. Always stay calm when they are having their “episodes” and try not to aggravate them by talking too much or saying hurtful things, you will pay dearly later especially if they are the kind to keep records.

Treat her normally
Although babygirl is more hyper-sensitive about stuff than the average girl you will treat her normally. Don’t walk too much on egg shells around them or talk slow, they will notice. No self-help books for birthday gifts… no any tapping of the Oprah shows… no “you have issues or you are crazy” comments... unless of course you have already purchased your burial plot and are ready to meet your maker. Make them feel like they are normal and you love them just the way they are no matter what and that their past doesn’t change the way you view them. Let the home environment be peaceful and calm as you possibly can. Introduce her to your female friends so that there is no suspicion. Encourage her to socialize with your mutual friends and find a hobby so that she is not idle enough to bother you. If she loves movies get her many… get her gym memberships, spa treatments …just anything to get her attention of o you for a few seconds so that you can breathe. Invite friends and family over frequently so that she can develop other relationships and interests apart from yours and hers, maybe even get people who can be there for her when you are away from home to take the pressure off you.

Discuss the issues with them in a calm environment in a non-confrontational matter.
Ask them calmly about their past or find out where all that is coming from so that you know the triggers and will be able to avoid them in future. You will be able to minimize problems in your relationship by avoiding the behaviors that caused them to be damaged in the first place and you will avoid triggering the emotional problems. When courting listen to what she talks about a lot about, what she obsesses over or the things that she hates and avoid them like the plague. Listen to what she says about her friends and family so as to get where the problems started. Choose a time when you are having fun or tell her your secret so that she will free enough to tell you hers. Deal with the elephant in the room before it shits all over your home (read relationship)

Honour every promise you make
Some dude was telling of a story when he set his alarm which was powered by electricity for 6am. At around midnight the lights went out, when they came back on the clock stood still as 12 and never moved and he overslept. This means time moved but the darn clock stood still at midnight. Most people who have issues are still reliving the traumatic moment when everything went wrong (remember the series ‘DAYBREAK’ starring Taye Diggs). So every time you don’t deliver on a promise it hurts 10 times as it would hurt the average person. When you say you will be home by 10 pm be there, because if you don’t then they start to panic. If you are running late call and say so to avoid triggering some negative emotion. Maybe they come from a background where people hurt them and never delivered on their promise, maybe its issues of abandonment. Maybe whatever happened to them hurt them to the core and they never really recovered from the experience. But with time they will be able to develop trust in you and hence relax and act less crazy.

Be honest
Let them know where you are at all times of the day. Don’t act fishy or secretive or weird around her because it will trigger an emotional response that is not pleasant. Try to always pick their calls because they will wonder why you ain’t picking. Re-assure them of your love and commitment every chance you get. It could be a simple text, stick notes on the fridge, call regularly, remember birthdays, anniversaries always be thoughtful and considerate.

If all fails see a therapist asap
Let’s face it you are no relationship expert so the best thing is to consider outside help. Some issues are too serious to solve by yourself as you’re not equipped with that kind of knowledge. Most women with issues don’t feel free enough to tell you who hurt them, so your best option is to consult a counselor you trust or get referrals from friends and family. If they refuse help then maybe you will need to re evaluate the wisdom in staying in the relationship.

The beast in the beauty

I make a great friend… I think. No…I know. At least that’s what my friends tell me. Im funny too. I got jokes and can make you laugh till the cows come home. If the joke ain’t funny, you will definitely laugh at the way I laugh at my own jokes. I make friends fairly easily and will strike conversation with people at odd places like the public transport, hospital waiting area and even in church. So with me life is never boring, I always find crazy ways to entertain myself.

Now for the life of me I cannot understand why I make such a horrible girlfriend. As soon as I try to make the transition every thing goes south. When it starts getting serious…then I sabotage myself. I go all gollum (in the lord of the rings) when I see the ring…my preciousssssss *gollum whisper*.

There are some screws loose somewhere in my head (I have never been checked) but I know there are. How else do you explain how…

One minute I have this smile that would light up the sky,
The next minute I have a look like I sucked on a particularly bitter lemon.

One minute we are having a decent conversation which is fun,
The next minute am sulking and using sign language to communicate.

One minute am whispering sweet nothings in your ear,
The next minute am screaming like a banshee at you.

One minute your head is on my lap am Delilah your Samson,
The next minute am screaming “don’t touch me” like your Frankenstein or something.

One minute am fixin your tie and wishing you a good day,
The next minute am fixin to bleach your work clothes and wishing you death.

One minute you are my prince and I love you to the moon and back,
The next minute I hate you so much I wanna gut you like a fish.

One minute I have your heart in my hand guarding it with my life,
The next minute I got a knife to your heart and am twisting it.

One minute we got one ice cream and two spoons
The next you are wrestling the fork and knife out of my hands.

One minute you do something and I think it’s cute,
The next minute you do the same thing and am homicidal.

One minute we are on the phone talking about nothing in particular
The next minute am not picking your calls.

You see I know am crazy. What I don’t get is why men still date my kind! Even when you are not playing ‘hard-to-get’ but you are saying ‘leave-me-the-f-alone’. Like those women from Nyeri, am sure ninjas know they are crazy but they still go ahead and take them cows to their papa’s Thingira. Remember Neyo’s song ‘Beautiful monster’ where he professes love for a crazy woman? He says ‘I don’t mind’ wtf??!!!

Men answer me this, why do you date crazy women? I really don’t get it. Is it because you want a challenge? Are you trying to prove something by taming us? Do you want to go where no man has ever gone? Is it about conquering? Do you enjoy pain- is it the S&M bullshit people keep talking about? Are you bored and are looking for an adventure? Is it the Sigmund Freud Oedipus complex stuff with your mama? Is it for a ride of the pink Cadillac? Is getting booty worth a lifetime of pain and suffering we will put you through?
What????

damhit nyeri women, stop battering your men

My mother has this expression...

kuwa na uvumilivu kama bibi ya mlevi

...loosely translated means have the patience of a drunkards wife!

Ladies when you marry a man who drinks, you will have to exercise the highest form of patience. It's is not easy being married to a drunkard. You will have to contend with going to pick him at the pub when he has passed out. You have the barman's phone number on speed dial to check up on the man to make sure he is safe. You will always have to worry about him because you never know whether he will make it home alive especially if he drives.

He will stink to high heavens which will piss you off if you are not a fan of alcoholic beverages. He will forget to bathe sometimes thanks to being under the influence. When it gets worse he will pee in bed or shit in his pants which you will have to clean when you wake up before you go to work. Your sex life will go out the window because if he is not stinking literally, he will stink in the boudoir skills which will be wanting! Conceiving a baby will become a hard task sorta like looking for the holy grail. As the wife you will dread being touched by him and will feel sick anytime his paws are on you. When he speaks to you with his bad breathe...you will resist the urge to curve him like a fish. He abuses you all day and hurl insults as he enters the compound drunk as a skunk, then at the bed he wants the goods. Ninja be hating you all day then he wants to be loving you all night. Hell no!!!!

If he is promiscuous you will always be at risk of Hiv/AIDs and other STI's. You will have to work extra hard to cover up his weaknesses and make it up to the children and the rest of the family. You will need to make more money to make up for the deficit caused by him eating into the family money.

And for these reasons i understand why Nyeri women are frigging pissed. It is totally understandable. What i do not agree with is them resorting to homicidal tendencies.This is not the way mama...

Don't let that man turn you into a monster... Don't let him win...Lets not forget that that ass hole is the father of your children and God's creation, although i know it is annoying for me to say so. He is not worth going to jail for...believe me. You either leave with your kids or stay and shut up! These are really your only options which are also both unpleasant for those women who have no source of stable income.

My reasons for wanting the male battering to stop is totally selfish. Nyeri women are going to ruin everything for us women. Men will realize how much power they have and take advantage of it and then it will be game over for us! Remember when we were whining how ati we take care of new born babies by ourselves? How the baby gave us stretch marks and ruined our vulvas? Well the men went rogue and got the government to give them 2 weeks paternity leave which they now spend doing their thing and staying away from the bedroom with the wailing baby!

Now imagine what kind of deal maendeleo ya wanaume is going to get for them? Am afraid, am very afraid! No more yelling at men which will be backed up with the decibels assigned with which we cannot go above. We won't be able to give that back talk we normally give and stuff. Imagine the crazy rules of engagent that will be put in place? oh the humanity!

Nyeri women please go easy on them, your daughters and the rest of Kenya is watching!

the walk of shame

One twitter sage once tweeted...

The walk of shame is much less awkward if you moonwalk it

So that's what i did in the Nairobi sweltering heat this morning. No sooner had i gone a few meters than i saw this sign...

Guess i will hung my head low in shame from now on.smh! Or just do away with the walk of shame altogether...sigh!

Why I like my men quiet

Men are funny. Not funny hahaha. Like funny scary! Especially when they are kookoo about some lass. They always don’t know what to say. They stumble to find what to say and sometimes what they want to say is inappropriate, weird or down right scary but they go on to say it anyways! Which is crazy if you ask me?

Now they say women say like thousands of words more than a man says in a day. That’s why we always know what to say…we practice…everyday. Now if men did that we wouldn’t be having the communication problems that people be talking about all over the place. They don’t say it but I bet they secretly blame men for lack of communication in relationships. So I won’t blame them openly because no one wants to be told they suck ass!

Anyways remember when I doubted myself and wondering if when people look at my pictures on fb think I can gerrit? Well I still wasn’t getting the appreciation that I so crave. So on the advice of one of my bffs, we go to the mature people (read not old people’s) joint in some Esto. You know where the mature crowd goes to listen to live bands and make business deals and all? But just so we are clear, am not talking geriatrics here. Just people who are a couple of years older than us. When we went there, we were the shit for like the whole night and boy did I soak up the moment!

So I decided to go further and sign up for some site where am told only mature people go to chat. I uploaded my sexy pics and waited for a day. Waaaaa….Life as I know it has changed. Boy, did the comments start coming. Again men are weird..some men..sorry! Let me show you what I mean

Man no.1
How i wish i had ur number i call, if u dont mind?. Its so much easier. Hope to hear frm u soon. Gudday.

(so much easier??????)

Man no.2
i am peter. i am here talking to women and men interested in love.

(err men and women????)

Man no.3
Much greetings flowing frm me to you like a boundless ocean hoping u r holding tha best beyond ma hopes,wow,wow,aki u luk so much beautiful,do u mind having a young dude whom is romantic,loving n honest,am 24

(he is so adorable, right?)

Man no.4
lik u honey

(now is it lick or like, I mean just so we are clear)

Man no.5
So sweet of you, I'm so looking forward to having you as a grt friend of mine.

(really???)

Man no.6
You Honestly look Great.Uko Wapi Mrembo?. Can we chat on Yahoo messager or facebook?. Please add me. My email is ******

(aaaaaaww!)

Man no.7
lovely and what you doing by the way..

(what am doing now, or in the photo??)

Man no.8
I welcome you my new friend! My name is ******! I'm from *******
and I am a very friendly and kind person! I love sincere and honest friends!
Since 2005 I live in ****** in ****** vacation paradise! I hope and wish
that we are good friends! I am wish you a great time! Health and God Bless! What is your real first name please??
p.s. Please excuse my bad English. I did not learn this language! But it gets to my heart!
We are happy to chat!

(O.o)

Now do you see what I mean? Men really do talk funny when they want to win you over. They get too carried away and want to maximize the moment that you have given them “airtime”. Trouble is sometimes the things they say mean something totally different like man no.2 whose sexual orientation is suspect.

Like jana I was talking to some young man and out of nowhere he tells me “ I want to dig channels of love in your heart”. See when he said that I wasn’t thinking –oooh that’s so sweet! I was thinking- I need to take a restraining order like yesterday!

Did you see on telly where they are blasting some underground place to make room for underground trains? That’s what came to my mind. The last time I checked the only channels my heart needs is the veins and the arteries…and mine are working just fine thank you. But again you gotta give them A for effort because it takes a lot of courage to say these stuff to women especially after they introduced the S.O.B(sex offence Bill) lol.

It’s the thought that counts boys, so don’t stop on my account. When we like them hard enough, we actually believe anything men say. If it was in a different place,time and different person... I would gladly let the man dig other "channels" to supplement my veins and arteries. A woman can never have enough channels taking stuff to her heart.lol.

Anyway I “met” this poet. He is now my favourite and i can't get enough of his poems. I have never "seen" a man who writes so beautifully and deep. He is called Pablo Neruda(actually its his pen name)and he also writes scary stuff too. He uses words like eat and other scary imagery in his love poems. He says stuff like “I hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, “ which makes me think like maybe he was a vampire or something ( explains why in most movies, men are always the vampires and their love interests are always human that they want to turn-TrueBlood, Twilight?) and they are the ones who normally pop cherries too

I leave you with his poem- and for more of his poems go to links2love.com (A friend of a friend of my bff’s cousin also told me you can get great valentines ideas from the same site- I haven’t checked it out my self- and wipe that smug off your face then stop rolling your eyes, I can see you.lol.)

I Crave Your Mouth
~ Pablo Neruda

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent, starving I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disquiets me,
I search the liquid sound of your steps all day.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
For your hands the color of the wild grain,
I hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your loveliness,
The nose, sovereign of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

And I walk hungry, smelling the twilight
Looking for you, for your hot heart,
Like a puma in the barren wilderness.

Becoming yellow

Today is the second time this year that I almost burned down the house. I bet someone has a voodoo doll and keeps putting it next to a lighter just to torment me. I would tell you how I did it but some people be taking stuff I say way to seriously and I don’t want to get in trouble. You know...like get in trouble with those people who I suspect also believe WWE Wrestling is real and unicorns exist. Lol

It all begun last night…

I couldn’t sleep last night… I remembered the story about the building which was almost collapsing in Kahawa Wendani estate in Nairobi and I had this crazy feeling that maybe this building that I live in would collapse. I know its crazy, but after midnight it’s kinda hard to think clearly.

I put on my jumper (is this English?) and went to inspect the building my self… I will be damned if I die before valentines. Not that I care that much about the day but its just that if I die my family-who love valentines btw-will now hate it because it will remind them of the day/month I died – see…told you I was selfless!

I only managed up to fourth floor. I really need to work out! I was out of breath and was sweating buckets and all. But I think fourth floor is good enough to give me the state the building is in.

Then I started feeling dumb for being paranoid. It’s bad enough that am sleeping on the couch because of the gecko, but this is just ridiculous.

Fast forward to lunch time. I had a small altercation with some short guy who am pretty sure was suffers from SMS (you know…short man syndrome). I don’t know if it’s a really disease but the way this dude was behaving convinced me that he had it. I would really love to tell you what it was about but I have been told am too revealing so let’s leave it at that…for now!

I was going nowhere with him so I let it slide. Why is it that when you have an argument with someone and you walk away that’s when you start finding bad things to say to them. Things that would definitely hurt them as much as they hurt you. dang!

I tried to stay in the house and calm down but I couldn’t. So I decided to go back and beat the daylights out of him. see he was really short and skinny so I figured I could take him down. I removed my glasses and my earrings and smeared Vaseline on my face just in case he fought like a girl and walked back to where he was.

When I got there, I lost my nerve. I couldn’t do it. It didn’t help that his boys had gathered around him either. Then it downed on me… am chicken shit! I can’t even stand up for myself. I can’t even argue no more. Im loosing the art of confrontation that i use to have. I always remember what I should have said after I leave. Ain’t that just the most saddest thing you have ever heard?

The list of the stuff am afraid of seems to be growing daily. I fear lifts(elevators for some of you) and the escalator at nakumatt lifestyle damn near gave me a coronary thrombosis. I hate animals and insects with a passion, of course I wouldn’t harm them but I can’t stand them. I went to visit a pal of mine and the cat was super friendly. It kept jumping on my laps and I couldn’t stop screaming.

I have a big body with a big voice which I can easily use to bully people into doing what I want but its not working for me. I get tired of arguing these days. Why just yesterday I met a woman in mat and she was going to the Easy coach offices near railways and I was going in the opposite direction. She was carrying a baby with lots of bags and asked me to help. I found myself carrying her bags which were friggin heavy(what do women carry in their bags? anvils?) and followed her all the way there without even protesting.

Could it be that am becoming yellow? Am I loosing my (imaginary )cohunes. Should start printing out T-shirts written –WELCOME HOME DOORMAT, to make it easier for people to walk all over me.