the human pest

Ever had a guest that just wouldn’t leave your house? As in they just came to crash at your place for a few days which turned into weeks, months…They refuse to leave when their time is up. You throw them hints and even bluntly ask them to leave but they came up with excuses and gut rending stories and guilt trip you especially if they had helped you earlier.

The worst part of it all is that some of these guests don’t pull their weight around the house. You literally wait on them and provide for their every need leaving you deprived of some privileges you used to enjoy before they came. Wait it doesn’t stop there! They’ll go on to take over your house and it soon begins to look like they are the owners of the house and you are the outsider. They watch their favourite channels on YOUR telly and have the guts to change the channels with out asking

I mean it’s not like you were trying to watch Churchill live or anything

they touch your stuff without asking, some even have the gull to go through your diary.
I had one such guest who even put a picture of herself on the wall yet she could see clearly I hadn’t put any pictures on the wall. Guess it didn’t occur to her that I loved the way my house looked like a morgue with the white walls and everything

I’m guessing that’s how a morgue looks like at least as I have seen in the movies.
When you have pals over they dominate the conversations and “take” your friends from you. Some go to the extent of washing your dirty linen in public by telling people how you snore when you sleep, how your boyfriend is ugly and you can do better etc basically embarrassing things you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

They turn your house into a Casino where they entertain their guests till late at night, eating all the food in your fridge, watching movies, drinking and yelling on top of their lungs as if you don’t have to wake up early the next day to go to work and bring home the bacon that obviously you wont get to eat in peace.

When you leave for work the next day all cranky, they are sprawled on what used to be your couch snoring away oblivious of how their noise kept you awake last night. When you come in the evening you will find them still on the same spot only waking up to go to the loo or the fridge for re fills.

At this point resentment kicks in and the channels of communications are broken and your reduced to question and answer conversations...

YOU:sasa
PEST:poa
YOU:Umepika
PEST:hapana…blah blah blah.

Then the games begin where you plot to make their life miserable as much as you can: you stop stocking the fridge, you eat at the office and come home just to sleep, you buy one bar of soap which you give Mama wa Nguo to wash your clothes because you are too chicken to say no when the pests brings their clothes for washing.

Then eventually all hell breaks loose, tempers flare, you argue and maybe even physically fighting where the relationship goes through irreparable damage and your guest finally storms out.

Your supposed to be thrilled that the guest left(maybe even with some of you stuff)but your not because you are mad at your self for letting things go this far and now you cannot mend the bridges or take back all the mean things that you had said in anger. All this could have been easily prevented if you follow these simple rules:

1. Avoid taking handouts from people because most people always come to collect on these favours. Only reach out for help when you’ve exhausted every avenue.

2. When a guest comes to your house ask them how long they intend to stay and what steps are they taking to facilitate their moving out. (Are they looking for a job?)Don’t be afraid to ask these questions

3. Once in the house establish your rules and maintain your daily routine. It’s your house after all.

4. Before leaving the house every morning tell them what’s for supper so whoever comes first knows the drill.

5. Dont wait on them, make sure they pull their weight in the house e.g. doing their laundry

6. If your friends are coming over inform your pest sorry guest mapema and make sure you establish the rules of engagement. If possible rotate visitations in the various houses and don’t let your house be the only meeting point.

Be a kind to your self ,don’t let people treat you the way they want and walk all over you. Its your casa and so your rules apply. Teach people how to treat you by the way you carry out yourself. And people lets just try to get along!