David strapped Saul’s sword over the armour and tried to walk, but he couldn’t, because he wasn’t used to wearing them. “I cant fight with all this, “he said to Saul. I’m not used to it. So he took it off.
1samuel 17:39
If like me you got lots of friends, you always have people telling you how to live your life. If you share your problems they are quick to offer solutions (like yours truly, I have the answers to everything). They mean well but when all is said and done it all boils down to what works for you. What you’re comfortable to do. What worked for your friend may not necessarily work for you. Let people advice you but never let them decided for you. Same for relationships: Don’t compare your spouse, your mother, sister etc to your neighbours (you know what they say the grass is always greener on the other side and you want it and you haven’t even seen their water bill.lol). Do what works for you. Every relationship is unique, Don’t worry if you don't look like the next couple you don’t have to.
If it's at work, school, church just give it your best and be your original you. I watched the interview on cross over101 a few months ago and mary atieno-ominde put it nicely. Get inspiration from everywhere/anywhere but never forget to be original you. Don’t be a copy cat, people will see right through you. In this life, when you die you are alone, you will face your maker alone. Its all about you never forget
that.
Wednesday 30 November 2011
choose your battles
David asked the men who were near him, “what will the man get who kills this philistine and frees Israel from this disgrace?
He turned to another man and asked him the same question, and every time he asked, he got the same answer.
-Samuel 17:26, 30
I am the first born in a family of five. If you are a first born like me, you know all the pressures of being a first born. When we were younger we were assigned chores but the funniest thing is that if none of them was done I got the ass whooping. As a first born I was required to lead people into doing house works. My parents forgot I was a child too(not a short adult) and being made to lead was too much pressure on my young body. This meant that I had no time to be a kid (explains why I am currently suffering from late-adolescence.)
I can’t tell you how many times I fought with the kids to get them to do stuff. I could argue with them and end up doing the work. Until some dude laid on some information on me-How come you bother complaining and you are going to do it yourself. Why don’t you just go straight to doing it finish and go on to the next. Just choose your battles. It was one of the best lessons I learnt in life. It saved me a lot of energy and breath. I started doing house chores alone without asking for help to this date. I don’t care who is in the house. I just do it. If anyone cares to do work they do it if they don’t want to its o.k. too. Good thing I no longer get mini-heart attacks over trivial stuff.
In life you have to choose your battles. Not everything is meant to be fought. You just need to let some things slide. Someone told me to act a fool sometimes. Remember in RUSH HOUR when Jackie Chan said sometimes its good to be quiet to know just how full of BS some people are.lol. Like David always ask your self “what will I get from doing this”, if there’s no pay-off don’t bother.
Some battles are fought by silence; we all just need to learn to STFU. In the bible it says
…in silence so is my strength…
Let people think you are weak for doing nothing but secretly a war is being won.
I have to come to a point in my life if anyone calls and start beefing with me over the phone I just hang up. If I get bad texts I don’t answer back, it’s just not worth my time or my airtime. Most of this people don’t have the guts to tell you face to face they hide behind the phones. Remember the sulking story I told you in the previous blog? That guy won even without going to marriage counseling.
This week just learn to choose your battles.
He turned to another man and asked him the same question, and every time he asked, he got the same answer.
-Samuel 17:26, 30
I am the first born in a family of five. If you are a first born like me, you know all the pressures of being a first born. When we were younger we were assigned chores but the funniest thing is that if none of them was done I got the ass whooping. As a first born I was required to lead people into doing house works. My parents forgot I was a child too(not a short adult) and being made to lead was too much pressure on my young body. This meant that I had no time to be a kid (explains why I am currently suffering from late-adolescence.)
I can’t tell you how many times I fought with the kids to get them to do stuff. I could argue with them and end up doing the work. Until some dude laid on some information on me-How come you bother complaining and you are going to do it yourself. Why don’t you just go straight to doing it finish and go on to the next. Just choose your battles. It was one of the best lessons I learnt in life. It saved me a lot of energy and breath. I started doing house chores alone without asking for help to this date. I don’t care who is in the house. I just do it. If anyone cares to do work they do it if they don’t want to its o.k. too. Good thing I no longer get mini-heart attacks over trivial stuff.
In life you have to choose your battles. Not everything is meant to be fought. You just need to let some things slide. Someone told me to act a fool sometimes. Remember in RUSH HOUR when Jackie Chan said sometimes its good to be quiet to know just how full of BS some people are.lol. Like David always ask your self “what will I get from doing this”, if there’s no pay-off don’t bother.
Some battles are fought by silence; we all just need to learn to STFU. In the bible it says
…in silence so is my strength…
Let people think you are weak for doing nothing but secretly a war is being won.
I have to come to a point in my life if anyone calls and start beefing with me over the phone I just hang up. If I get bad texts I don’t answer back, it’s just not worth my time or my airtime. Most of this people don’t have the guts to tell you face to face they hide behind the phones. Remember the sulking story I told you in the previous blog? That guy won even without going to marriage counseling.
This week just learn to choose your battles.
Tuesday 29 November 2011
nobody is perfect, except God
When my kid sister (the last born) was around three years old, she woke up in the middle of the night complaining of a stomach ache. She was rushed to hospital where my mother was informed that it was pneumonia. After six hours there was no improvement she decided to seek second opinion where she was told that it was her appendix and asked for permission to operate and they did.
Months later the same thing happened and my mum went for a third opinion and the asshole of a doctor decided that it was the appendix acting up. My mum was now confused. I mean how many appendixes (sp) does a human being have???
After moving from doctor to doctor my mama found out that my sister had sickle cell anemia and the doctor then proceeded to treat her and to this date she is still my sister’s doctor. Even her school has her number. If she has any crisis they just call her and she always come whenever she is needed (she’s awesome, her name is Njoki btw) my mama always tells her to insist on being called Dr.Njoki. She is now the daughter she never had but always wanted.lol
Sickle cell is simply (ok there’s nothing simple about it) an inherited genetical disorder whereby the Red Blood Cells instead of being round and smooth to allow ease of moving through blood vessels they are stiff and form the shape of a sickle. Instead of the sickle-like RBC's living for the usual 120days they die after 10-20days. They die faster than the body can get rid of them. They then cluster together and cannot easily move through the blood vessels causing blockage (fyi they can block anywhere. Men… I mean A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E) and stops movement of oxygen carrying blood. So the patient has a chronic short supply of red blood cells which causes anaemia. The blockage can cause pain ANYWHERE in your body without warning. For my sister it has always been her hip bones and jaundice. Her bone under the x-ray machine looks like that of a 70-80 year old man. I remember my mum going to get her pain medicine and the dude at the chemist wishing my dad a quick recovery of his hip. Ouch! Theres no cure but my mum got off the internet that there’s some bone marrow surgery that can help but the downside is that you can die on the table. It’s 50/50 and expensive as hell and I think it’s not yet available in Kenya. It’s at the experimental stages. I don’t know where she read it but am too afraid to look. But that discovery gives my mum so much hope that I haven’t voiced my concerns over the possibility of death. It’s too much to think about.
My other sister has been confirmed as being a sickle cell anemia carrier. She has never had malaria in her life because of this. Now she not only has to worry about some jackass breaking her heart, she has to worry if he is a carrier too. Now when does she whip out the information after the first date? second? six month? Life is so damn hard sometimes.
btw anyone about to get married please go for genetics counseling along side your pre-marital counseling- thank me later!
I have watched my mama go in an out of hospital with her and that’s why the Rose (the girl with cancer) story touched me so much. I remember some idiot joking over the internet how she is being coached to say stuff and shit. People can be so mean and cruel. Sickle sick has changed my family in so many ways but it’s manageable so I can’t even begin to imagine what Rose’s mother is going through. All Rose and her family is tryna do is fight for her life and get her money for chemo and I bet if it was any of you you’d do the same if not more. This one time my sister came home and told us how some kid at school said she was going to die(i hate google sometimes).Gawd! Some of the things that come out of peoples mouths sometimes. Isn’t there anything sacred any more to these people?
But I didn’t intend to digress, I just thought I’d get that out of the way…It was burning my conscious and I couldn’t let it go till I got it out! My message today is that people aren’t perfect. These doctors for example sometimes don’t know what they are doing all of the time. But we look at them with so much hope that they feel the need to come up with answers even if they don’t have them in order to justify their importance/salary. . Like how I found out that my optician is driving me blind slowly and I didn’t even know. Giving me glasses at a tender age of 13 and giving me powerful lenses than necessary. Now I can’t see without my glasses. People are not perfect they might (not might..they will) fail you someday.
That’s why we all need to find strength from somewhere else; we need God in our lives to strengthen us.
The love of man is conditional and has an expiry date. But the love of God is eternal.
It is better to trust in the Lord than depend on human beings.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to depend on human leader.
Ps118-8,9
…cursed be the man that trusteth in man….
Who can understand the human heart?
There is nothing else so deceitful: its too sick to be healed. Jeremiah 17:5,9
The verses above go on to show that man is unpredictable. Even the word of God says clearly that cursed is he who puts his trust in human beings, the strength of mortals as some version puts it.
Your mother is human and can’t love you the way you want. Your friends can’t love you the way you want same for your spouse, boss, pastor etc. As we approach the election year, I can feel the peoples yearning for a new leader who will bring something fresh. They want a 'Messiah' so to speak despite the fact that most of the people contesting were there in the old regime and haven't really purged themselves of the nasty habits like corruption.They are all the same...we are all the same. We are all corrupt thanks to the system that brought us up. The answer lies in seeking divine assistance. Only Gd can save us!
It is better to trust in the LORD than depend on human beings...
We are born with that void in our hearts that only God can fill .We all want magic, we all want miracles. Explains our obsession with movies like harry porter, Lord of the rings, priest, Source code,adjustment bureau, inception, black swan, Dorian gray. We are looking for that out-of-this world experience. We need God to complete us.
I hear people describing their ideal partner and am like...dude you are describing God...no one can meet some of your criteria. Especially women -your lists are just too long.
Some of us are mad at how our parents raised us, not knowing they didn’t know better. They did the best they could with what they had. Where they failed ,only God can take over. I told God when I was in High school that I wanted him to be my father and take care of me. I can testify that he has always supernaturally provided where my natural parents have failed. I have never lacked the essentials. I have gone through bad things but I always make it through.
When you stop looking at people to fix you is the day you will be free. Right now am unemployed and I have not lacked at all. I get by everyday through faith. If I looked unto man I would have lost my mind along time ago (if I haven’t lost it already).
When dealing with people be accommodating of their weaknesses and you will be surprised at how they try to give you their best. And always remember...living with you and your weaknesses ain’t a picnic either. No one is perfect.PERIOD!
Months later the same thing happened and my mum went for a third opinion and the asshole of a doctor decided that it was the appendix acting up. My mum was now confused. I mean how many appendixes (sp) does a human being have???
After moving from doctor to doctor my mama found out that my sister had sickle cell anemia and the doctor then proceeded to treat her and to this date she is still my sister’s doctor. Even her school has her number. If she has any crisis they just call her and she always come whenever she is needed (she’s awesome, her name is Njoki btw) my mama always tells her to insist on being called Dr.Njoki. She is now the daughter she never had but always wanted.lol
Sickle cell is simply (ok there’s nothing simple about it) an inherited genetical disorder whereby the Red Blood Cells instead of being round and smooth to allow ease of moving through blood vessels they are stiff and form the shape of a sickle. Instead of the sickle-like RBC's living for the usual 120days they die after 10-20days. They die faster than the body can get rid of them. They then cluster together and cannot easily move through the blood vessels causing blockage (fyi they can block anywhere. Men… I mean A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E) and stops movement of oxygen carrying blood. So the patient has a chronic short supply of red blood cells which causes anaemia. The blockage can cause pain ANYWHERE in your body without warning. For my sister it has always been her hip bones and jaundice. Her bone under the x-ray machine looks like that of a 70-80 year old man. I remember my mum going to get her pain medicine and the dude at the chemist wishing my dad a quick recovery of his hip. Ouch! Theres no cure but my mum got off the internet that there’s some bone marrow surgery that can help but the downside is that you can die on the table. It’s 50/50 and expensive as hell and I think it’s not yet available in Kenya. It’s at the experimental stages. I don’t know where she read it but am too afraid to look. But that discovery gives my mum so much hope that I haven’t voiced my concerns over the possibility of death. It’s too much to think about.
My other sister has been confirmed as being a sickle cell anemia carrier. She has never had malaria in her life because of this. Now she not only has to worry about some jackass breaking her heart, she has to worry if he is a carrier too. Now when does she whip out the information after the first date? second? six month? Life is so damn hard sometimes.
btw anyone about to get married please go for genetics counseling along side your pre-marital counseling- thank me later!
I have watched my mama go in an out of hospital with her and that’s why the Rose (the girl with cancer) story touched me so much. I remember some idiot joking over the internet how she is being coached to say stuff and shit. People can be so mean and cruel. Sickle sick has changed my family in so many ways but it’s manageable so I can’t even begin to imagine what Rose’s mother is going through. All Rose and her family is tryna do is fight for her life and get her money for chemo and I bet if it was any of you you’d do the same if not more. This one time my sister came home and told us how some kid at school said she was going to die(i hate google sometimes).Gawd! Some of the things that come out of peoples mouths sometimes. Isn’t there anything sacred any more to these people?
But I didn’t intend to digress, I just thought I’d get that out of the way…It was burning my conscious and I couldn’t let it go till I got it out! My message today is that people aren’t perfect. These doctors for example sometimes don’t know what they are doing all of the time. But we look at them with so much hope that they feel the need to come up with answers even if they don’t have them in order to justify their importance/salary. . Like how I found out that my optician is driving me blind slowly and I didn’t even know. Giving me glasses at a tender age of 13 and giving me powerful lenses than necessary. Now I can’t see without my glasses. People are not perfect they might (not might..they will) fail you someday.
That’s why we all need to find strength from somewhere else; we need God in our lives to strengthen us.
The love of man is conditional and has an expiry date. But the love of God is eternal.
It is better to trust in the Lord than depend on human beings.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to depend on human leader.
Ps118-8,9
…cursed be the man that trusteth in man….
Who can understand the human heart?
There is nothing else so deceitful: its too sick to be healed. Jeremiah 17:5,9
The verses above go on to show that man is unpredictable. Even the word of God says clearly that cursed is he who puts his trust in human beings, the strength of mortals as some version puts it.
Your mother is human and can’t love you the way you want. Your friends can’t love you the way you want same for your spouse, boss, pastor etc. As we approach the election year, I can feel the peoples yearning for a new leader who will bring something fresh. They want a 'Messiah' so to speak despite the fact that most of the people contesting were there in the old regime and haven't really purged themselves of the nasty habits like corruption.They are all the same...we are all the same. We are all corrupt thanks to the system that brought us up. The answer lies in seeking divine assistance. Only Gd can save us!
It is better to trust in the LORD than depend on human beings...
We are born with that void in our hearts that only God can fill .We all want magic, we all want miracles. Explains our obsession with movies like harry porter, Lord of the rings, priest, Source code,adjustment bureau, inception, black swan, Dorian gray. We are looking for that out-of-this world experience. We need God to complete us.
I hear people describing their ideal partner and am like...dude you are describing God...no one can meet some of your criteria. Especially women -your lists are just too long.
Some of us are mad at how our parents raised us, not knowing they didn’t know better. They did the best they could with what they had. Where they failed ,only God can take over. I told God when I was in High school that I wanted him to be my father and take care of me. I can testify that he has always supernaturally provided where my natural parents have failed. I have never lacked the essentials. I have gone through bad things but I always make it through.
When you stop looking at people to fix you is the day you will be free. Right now am unemployed and I have not lacked at all. I get by everyday through faith. If I looked unto man I would have lost my mind along time ago (if I haven’t lost it already).
When dealing with people be accommodating of their weaknesses and you will be surprised at how they try to give you their best. And always remember...living with you and your weaknesses ain’t a picnic either. No one is perfect.PERIOD!
Random
Am scum...am a horrible human being...they should lock me up...melt the key...then make me eat it/drink...i don't care... anything to kill the guilt.
Promise thoust won't loveth me less if i tell you what i have doneth?
I took money from my kid sister's piggy bank. I didn't actually break it, i just found a way to jam it kidogo.
In my defense i was hungry and there was no food in the house.
I remember giving the rugrat the piggy bank after i had opened an account for her and paid the ledger fees and shit! The girl then had the gull to ask me why it was written 'made in china' if it was a Kenyan account.
I just opened the account, i found the bank the way it is sweetie!-That was what i was supposed to say. But this is what i said===> How am i supposed to know, maybe china is nearer and cheaper than industrial area, how tf should i know.seriously???( see parenting101 dictates that when you don't know the answer to something you rise your voice and scare the rugrat)
I should have just bought my self a nice pair of heels(which i know i would never wear) with the initial deposit cash then take nice photos and upload on facebook or something!
Any way am having kangumu and coffee and it tastes so divine. maybe coffee isn't that bad after all. How come food bought with stolen money taste so good?
btw my niece Neema is in the other room watching cartoons. i hope she doesn't find me eating...maybe if i finished fast... (thinking aloud)
gotta go lovely people
ta ta
Promise thoust won't loveth me less if i tell you what i have doneth?
I took money from my kid sister's piggy bank. I didn't actually break it, i just found a way to jam it kidogo.
In my defense i was hungry and there was no food in the house.
I remember giving the rugrat the piggy bank after i had opened an account for her and paid the ledger fees and shit! The girl then had the gull to ask me why it was written 'made in china' if it was a Kenyan account.
I just opened the account, i found the bank the way it is sweetie!-That was what i was supposed to say. But this is what i said===> How am i supposed to know, maybe china is nearer and cheaper than industrial area, how tf should i know.seriously???( see parenting101 dictates that when you don't know the answer to something you rise your voice and scare the rugrat)
I should have just bought my self a nice pair of heels(which i know i would never wear) with the initial deposit cash then take nice photos and upload on facebook or something!
Any way am having kangumu and coffee and it tastes so divine. maybe coffee isn't that bad after all. How come food bought with stolen money taste so good?
btw my niece Neema is in the other room watching cartoons. i hope she doesn't find me eating...maybe if i finished fast... (thinking aloud)
gotta go lovely people
ta ta
Saturday 26 November 2011
am special too
In a world where people are thirsty for heroes and role models, it makes sense for them to choose a certain few to make them believe in humanity...to make them feel that there are still good people left...that all is not lost. Some...surprise surprise go to blogs to find it and after liking a few posts they put you on a pedestal because maybe through your writing they get some "aha" moments and their lives are touched.
The thing about blogs is that people get to know you a little(read a lot) and when they know you, they then start to see the cracks and sometimes judge you especially if they think you are a pretender. I hate being put on a pedestal seeing as am a afraid of heights, I rarely even get on my high horse seeing as am no jockey either.lol,
I ain't shit...there i said it! its just that with a "pen" you get to create a picture you want...you manipulate characters and spin stories the way you want without fear of being..i dunno...misunderstood? I am shocked that some even ask for relationship advice from me...really people? really? ever heard of those who don't know/do teach(or something like that?)
I know you are wandering what it is am jabbering on about, well don't get your knickers in a bunch i will tell you. A few weeks ago i wrote about my pet peeves and somone thought it came of like i was implying that am flawless. Well tonight i put it all out there, i write stuff that i do that piss people off. Of course some i can't help, some i can, some i can help but wont. So try and get down from your high horse and understand me in your heart which i know is as big as a watermelon.
But if you get repulsed i take this chance to thank you for your time...its been nice knowing you, have a nice life...seriously..i wish you well..i hope you reincarnate as a slug.tihihi..
a) I watch movies with subtitles, it drives my friends bonkers as they cant multitask.See the thing is am not used to the twang, accents, slang and the pidgin used in most movies and i really don't wanna miss a thing.That's the reason I don't watch movies in theaters...that and because am broke...lol.
b) I open my mouth all the time, as in my lips part involuntarily from time to time.When i was about 7yrs old my front teeth were coming out but i didn't tell my parents so the new ones started growing underneath(don't ask me how that's even possible) so the result was that i have kinda Buck teeth so closing my mouth completely feels weird. It sorta looks like the singer Estelle's mouth. I cant count the number of times when i was young i used to be told to close my mouth.ouch!
c) I bite my nails, i know its a pretty nasty habit i developed as a shy teenager. It has made me get diarrhoea, amoeba and funny diseases because i ingest the germs under my nails. I have tried cutex(nail polish for some of you), chilli, fake nails but when i wake up in the morning i find them bleedy looking...and voila! i don't have nails. i need help..somebody..anybody
d)I chew food weird. You need to watch Dr.Lightman in LIE TO ME series to understand what am taking about. You don't want to see how i chew gum,crisps and carrots...the sound i make is painful to hear.Its like am chewing cud. I first noticed it when some video was shot in our youth group and i was watching a play back and i saw some chic chewing gum funny and i was shocked when i discover it was actually me.CRINGE!I remember when i was a kid and i was eating spaghetti the house help quit eating it.now i know why! In public i have learnt how to make it less conspicuous but once in a while i go into a trance and i start eating like my old self.What hurts more than my chewing is when people constantly criticize the way i eat...sigh..
e) My big voice. I have a very big voice. think Tasha Smith, Toni Braxton, Cess Mutungi only less sexier with a thick lakeside accent.lol. When i speak over the phone its hard to know whether am female or male. I called safaricom customer care a few days ago and they thought i was a fraudster. I had to give a lot of information which really pissed me off. At my old job when i called male clients they'd be like sema bwana and offer to buy my beer then later apologize profusely when they come to the office and they are told am of the female persuasion.This one time my mum called at night and hung up as soon as i said hello. When i called back she told me she thought i was with a man who picked.woiye! I went to some party in Uni and i had shaved my hair and some guy came over and asked me what am i? I think imma start walking naked.lol.To make matters worse sometimes i don't speak clearly...its sort of nasal like the Jael chic in the ANTM season where that Joslene, the Spicy Latina chic won. Only my family and close friends understand what i say. But i have learned how to take it down a notch from my phonetics classes but i forget most times. Sometimes kids are afraid around me because they get confused as to what to do with me.
Now combine the big voice with my laughter which is like the braying of a donkey and am pretty sure its a few decibels higher than what NEMA allows. Its actually a beautiful belly laugh, i don't just laugh with my teeth , i laugh from the heart until by sides ache. and it doesn't hurt that i came from a family full of funny people, from Dani(shosho) all the way to mama(i don't call my mother mummy, that's what white people call theirs.lol)i hear some men hate that ka - laugh.don't ask me why, your guess is as good as mine!
f) I eat and read in bed- a habit i developed when i moved into my self contained house and i didn't have a couch. Please stay away from anything from the bakery.When bread crumbs dry they exfoliate your skin, its especially annoying to people who sleep semi naked like me.lol.
and oh! i read in the loo too.Its the most private place in the house. no one goes to look for you there.lol.
g) I have very poor eye sight so i may have on some occasion used the wrong toothbrush.i know its gross!Come on when the lighting is poor even you wouldnt know the difference between light blue and light green- they all look alike when i dont have my glasses. But not to worry my toothbrush has been exiled to the kitchen away from everyone elses besides these days i have learnt to wear my glasses first thing when i wake up.
f) I have on occasion bouts of insanity that's why i changed my blog description to the one above.Its not premeditated though.I do stuff then in retrospect i start wondering-what was i thinking??Friends tell me stuff i did or said in college and i swear i can't begin to explain what was going through my mind then. like this time i ate melons in the pub..
what! am a teetotaler... beer tastes like feet and it has no sugar. why do people drink any ways?? Its so bad that some of my friends doubt if i really graduated from uni. I don't know how to act educated. i live in the village no one cares that you have a degree, we are all equal.any way for the doubting Thomases here's the proof
Please ignore the bling!
...I swear i look like them prize cows during the ASK shows tihihi...
g) My English is challenged. you would think that as an English teacher i would follow grammar rules but i don't , at least outside the class room( sorry Noam Chomsky). Why just yesterday i discovered that in front, a lot are two words. And who decided that 'written' should have two T's and 'writing' should have one 'T'. why cant they both have same number of T's and save me some energy?? I do shit like put full stops on titles, i write 'genius' as 'geniuos' it sounds nicer,'Enquiries' is 'inquiries' for yours truly or is it the other way round..dunno? will check later. I am married to the word LOL. i over abused it daily .sorry dear.lol.
It gets wort i have serious "mother tongue supremacy(lake-side accent for some of you)My brother says i pronounce 'EVEN' wrong. i take it literally, to me it rhymes with 'heaven'I have to stop but i can't. i pronounce 'the' as tha', but only people from the lakeside notice my shrubs, others can't tell.yay! Don't get me started on the 'SH' syndrome. I have tried to sing Pink's - like a pill, the part that says -There's a shortage in the switch- and i cant...for real...i really cant. and that song by Damian marley and bobby brown where he sings -She shampoos my locks
- i wish i could sing it.oh well!
Next year am moving to the Nairobi City(yay!) and i know am going to stick out like a sore thumb.
h) I love black- from coffee,to purses, to earrings,to phones,to dresses, to shoes, to men, to clothes, to bedsheets, cutex (yes i said cutex). I hope it doesn't imply anything in the spiritual realm though. all my pants are black and shoes too, except my sandals.Its easy to match with anything.I hear some people find this disturbing!
i) the last one. wow! the more i write the more i realize am a really flawed individual.jeez! anyhoo..here goes...i suffer from a mild halitosis in the morning. So no morning "anything" for me(wink twice). If any body "talks" to me i go ninja immediately.lol.I don't talk when i wake up in the morning, my friends find it funny but as soon as i get the right truth brush and wash my face am yapping like crazy.lol.
Imagine despite all these i still think am awesome...i hope am not delusional! LMAO
ta ta lovely people.
The thing about blogs is that people get to know you a little(read a lot) and when they know you, they then start to see the cracks and sometimes judge you especially if they think you are a pretender. I hate being put on a pedestal seeing as am a afraid of heights, I rarely even get on my high horse seeing as am no jockey either.lol,
I ain't shit...there i said it! its just that with a "pen" you get to create a picture you want...you manipulate characters and spin stories the way you want without fear of being..i dunno...misunderstood? I am shocked that some even ask for relationship advice from me...really people? really? ever heard of those who don't know/do teach(or something like that?)
I know you are wandering what it is am jabbering on about, well don't get your knickers in a bunch i will tell you. A few weeks ago i wrote about my pet peeves and somone thought it came of like i was implying that am flawless. Well tonight i put it all out there, i write stuff that i do that piss people off. Of course some i can't help, some i can, some i can help but wont. So try and get down from your high horse and understand me in your heart which i know is as big as a watermelon.
But if you get repulsed i take this chance to thank you for your time...its been nice knowing you, have a nice life...seriously..i wish you well..i hope you reincarnate as a slug.tihihi..
a) I watch movies with subtitles, it drives my friends bonkers as they cant multitask.See the thing is am not used to the twang, accents, slang and the pidgin used in most movies and i really don't wanna miss a thing.That's the reason I don't watch movies in theaters...that and because am broke...lol.
b) I open my mouth all the time, as in my lips part involuntarily from time to time.When i was about 7yrs old my front teeth were coming out but i didn't tell my parents so the new ones started growing underneath(don't ask me how that's even possible) so the result was that i have kinda Buck teeth so closing my mouth completely feels weird. It sorta looks like the singer Estelle's mouth. I cant count the number of times when i was young i used to be told to close my mouth.ouch!
c) I bite my nails, i know its a pretty nasty habit i developed as a shy teenager. It has made me get diarrhoea, amoeba and funny diseases because i ingest the germs under my nails. I have tried cutex(nail polish for some of you), chilli, fake nails but when i wake up in the morning i find them bleedy looking...and voila! i don't have nails. i need help..somebody..anybody
d)I chew food weird. You need to watch Dr.Lightman in LIE TO ME series to understand what am taking about. You don't want to see how i chew gum,crisps and carrots...the sound i make is painful to hear.Its like am chewing cud. I first noticed it when some video was shot in our youth group and i was watching a play back and i saw some chic chewing gum funny and i was shocked when i discover it was actually me.CRINGE!I remember when i was a kid and i was eating spaghetti the house help quit eating it.now i know why! In public i have learnt how to make it less conspicuous but once in a while i go into a trance and i start eating like my old self.What hurts more than my chewing is when people constantly criticize the way i eat...sigh..
e) My big voice. I have a very big voice. think Tasha Smith, Toni Braxton, Cess Mutungi only less sexier with a thick lakeside accent.lol. When i speak over the phone its hard to know whether am female or male. I called safaricom customer care a few days ago and they thought i was a fraudster. I had to give a lot of information which really pissed me off. At my old job when i called male clients they'd be like sema bwana and offer to buy my beer then later apologize profusely when they come to the office and they are told am of the female persuasion.This one time my mum called at night and hung up as soon as i said hello. When i called back she told me she thought i was with a man who picked.woiye! I went to some party in Uni and i had shaved my hair and some guy came over and asked me what am i? I think imma start walking naked.lol.To make matters worse sometimes i don't speak clearly...its sort of nasal like the Jael chic in the ANTM season where that Joslene, the Spicy Latina chic won. Only my family and close friends understand what i say. But i have learned how to take it down a notch from my phonetics classes but i forget most times. Sometimes kids are afraid around me because they get confused as to what to do with me.
Now combine the big voice with my laughter which is like the braying of a donkey and am pretty sure its a few decibels higher than what NEMA allows. Its actually a beautiful belly laugh, i don't just laugh with my teeth , i laugh from the heart until by sides ache. and it doesn't hurt that i came from a family full of funny people, from Dani(shosho) all the way to mama(i don't call my mother mummy, that's what white people call theirs.lol)i hear some men hate that ka - laugh.don't ask me why, your guess is as good as mine!
f) I eat and read in bed- a habit i developed when i moved into my self contained house and i didn't have a couch. Please stay away from anything from the bakery.When bread crumbs dry they exfoliate your skin, its especially annoying to people who sleep semi naked like me.lol.
and oh! i read in the loo too.Its the most private place in the house. no one goes to look for you there.lol.
g) I have very poor eye sight so i may have on some occasion used the wrong toothbrush.i know its gross!Come on when the lighting is poor even you wouldnt know the difference between light blue and light green- they all look alike when i dont have my glasses. But not to worry my toothbrush has been exiled to the kitchen away from everyone elses besides these days i have learnt to wear my glasses first thing when i wake up.
f) I have on occasion bouts of insanity that's why i changed my blog description to the one above.Its not premeditated though.I do stuff then in retrospect i start wondering-what was i thinking??Friends tell me stuff i did or said in college and i swear i can't begin to explain what was going through my mind then. like this time i ate melons in the pub..
what! am a teetotaler... beer tastes like feet and it has no sugar. why do people drink any ways?? Its so bad that some of my friends doubt if i really graduated from uni. I don't know how to act educated. i live in the village no one cares that you have a degree, we are all equal.any way for the doubting Thomases here's the proof
Please ignore the bling!
...I swear i look like them prize cows during the ASK shows tihihi...
g) My English is challenged. you would think that as an English teacher i would follow grammar rules but i don't , at least outside the class room( sorry Noam Chomsky). Why just yesterday i discovered that in front, a lot are two words. And who decided that 'written' should have two T's and 'writing' should have one 'T'. why cant they both have same number of T's and save me some energy?? I do shit like put full stops on titles, i write 'genius' as 'geniuos' it sounds nicer,'Enquiries' is 'inquiries' for yours truly or is it the other way round..dunno? will check later. I am married to the word LOL. i over abused it daily .sorry dear.lol.
It gets wort i have serious "mother tongue supremacy(lake-side accent for some of you)My brother says i pronounce 'EVEN' wrong. i take it literally, to me it rhymes with 'heaven'I have to stop but i can't. i pronounce 'the' as tha', but only people from the lakeside notice my shrubs, others can't tell.yay! Don't get me started on the 'SH' syndrome. I have tried to sing Pink's - like a pill, the part that says -There's a shortage in the switch- and i cant...for real...i really cant. and that song by Damian marley and bobby brown where he sings -She shampoos my locks
- i wish i could sing it.oh well!
Next year am moving to the Nairobi City(yay!) and i know am going to stick out like a sore thumb.
h) I love black- from coffee,to purses, to earrings,to phones,to dresses, to shoes, to men, to clothes, to bedsheets, cutex (yes i said cutex). I hope it doesn't imply anything in the spiritual realm though. all my pants are black and shoes too, except my sandals.Its easy to match with anything.I hear some people find this disturbing!
i) the last one. wow! the more i write the more i realize am a really flawed individual.jeez! anyhoo..here goes...i suffer from a mild halitosis in the morning. So no morning "anything" for me(wink twice). If any body "talks" to me i go ninja immediately.lol.I don't talk when i wake up in the morning, my friends find it funny but as soon as i get the right truth brush and wash my face am yapping like crazy.lol.
Imagine despite all these i still think am awesome...i hope am not delusional! LMAO
ta ta lovely people.
Tuesday 22 November 2011
a dedication to the endangered species
When that time comes, seven women will grab hold of one man and say, "we can feed and clothe ourselves, but please let us say you are our husband so that we won't have to endure the shame of being unmarried."
Isaiah 4:1
The Dodo bird is a believed to be member of the pigeon family and it was last seen in 1981 as it is now extinct.People called it dodo because they thought it was dumb for being comfortable and over friendly with humans. Legend has it as man started domesticating other animals they started hunting the dodo bird until they became extinct.With the extinction of the Dodo bird came the extinction of the Cavalria tree. This is because the dodo bird used to spread the seeds. It couldn't digest it so it pooped it else where and the tree grew and flourished. Sort of like humans and Mapera(i don't know the English word, somebody help). so no dodo, no Cavalria tree.Now think of Men as the Dodo bird and women as the Cavalria tree. no men, no women.Know men, know women (dont know why i added the last part but it sounded nice in my head)
The poor boy child! It seems like the devil is hard on their trail. Statistics show that male infants are more likely to die as compared to females. There are more women than men in most countries. In some countries baby boys are so precious that if a woman discovers she is pregnant with a girl she aborts or the mid wife is bribed to smother the baby at birth and lie it was a still birth. Right now in this country we have men dying after drinking the illegal liquor. I was so disgusted to discover that they use young men as guinea pigs for every liquor they brew before they release it to the rest of the public. How sad!
Any hoo one man complained that my blogs are biased and I neglect my male audience. So to my brothers-apologies and know that I love you to the moon and back and I am not a man-hater.
Why I love you? I can’t summarize in one sentence but maybe I can tell of a few things that you do so well.(you already know the things you do wrong)
I love how you are good at: zipping the back of my dress when the situation demands, wearing my heels to stop them from pinching my toes, help me put on my necklace, the back rubs (I mean that back wont rub itself), how you take out the trash, how you lightly touch the small of my back when you are opening the door for me, how you reach out for your wallet to pay the bills(the sexiest move ever- the best aphrodisiac too), how you play with my hair(read not weave. You do not touch the weave), do the lawn, kiss my eyelids, forehead and je ne sais quoi. Tihihi.
You are important and the women can’t do without you ( funny how some arrogant women stand to say how men are useless when they are a product of the female gamete and male gamete fusing). Am especially thankful for the X-chromosome that made me. I see you papi.lol
I thought of ways I could enrich your lives today. I though of doing a love songs collection for men but I knew it would take the bottom shelf after your porn collection (yeah we know what you do when we are not around). So I settled on making a list of babymaking songs as this will benefit you and your girl_ you can thank me now(I may not be here later.lol).
1.Trading places Usher
You know how they joke that some songs give instructions, well this is one of those songs. Appropriate for is birfday.
…pay the bill, wash the car, take out the trash with nothing but a t-shirt on
…the crouching tiger...excetera
2.Lets get it n Marvin gaye
I know many of you were conceived to this song.lol
..we are all sensitive people with so much to give...
…whoooo theres nothing wrong with you loving you...
...stop beating around the bush...
3.Redlight special(dirtyversion) – TLC
I thought I saw Boris Kodjoe with all his hair in the video. Someone please confirm for me. There's a man wearing some animal print underwear, pls Kenyan men be this creative _ those underwear with superman, care bears does nothing to excite our imagination. And please no flowered one either..unless there's something that died down there. Ok i will stop now
…if I move too fast let me know, coz it means you move too slow…
4.Number one s*x R.kelly/Keri Hilson
5. Peepshow – Joe Thomas
…taking you frm the bed, t the wall and to the floor..
6. love scene – Joe Thomas
…sip from your cup.. 69 was a very good year
7. Motivation(explicit version) Kelly Rowland, Lil wayne
I love her new boobies by the way #nohomo. As a small chested woman am jealous. But the icing on the cake is when Weezy does his thing. Please tell me who writes his lyrics..they are so witty
…I turn that thing into a rain forest
..i put her on my plate and to the dishes.
When is he coming to Kenya I go throw my knickers on stage???
8.How can I love you tonight _ Sisqo
Its meant for the wrong kind aloe but who cares the lyrics are awesome. Enjoy
9Nice and slow – Usher
…I got plans to put my hands in places i've never seen…
10. Rihanna – skin
...No heels, no shirt...
...All i'm in is just skin...
Reeree ain't ashamed to let the boy know whats up.
11. Dip it low – Christina Milan
..if he is a good boy...
...a really really good boy..why don’t you let him lay with you?
12. Body kiss – Isley brothers
I love how they censor words with a kiss tihihi. This boys know how make me “get lifted”
we are about to play this game and I will let you win.
13. Cross the line -John Legend
The best singer of our time. I love this song to deff.
14.Amusement park - 50cent
You ain't got take your nini off, just pull them to the side..hahaha
15.Miili yet - Eric Wainaina
If you don't have Eric Wainaina on your play list lease slap yourself.
16. James brown - Superfreak
17. Bite you -Neyo
18. S&M - Rihanna
19. F her gently - Tenacious D
20. In those jeans - Genuine
Some thing about this song makes me wanna take off my jeans.lol.
21. Shorty's got her eyes on me- Donnel Jones
One of my favourite singers of all time.
22. Addicted - Truth hurts
I have never gotten over this lady's facial expression in this video. #nohomo
23. Oops oh my - Tweet
24. D'angelo - Untitled
Strictly for ladies only!Viewers discretion is advised.
25. Till the end of time - Timothy Bloom
Dang! the video did things to me yawa! strictly for adults only.
Isaiah 4:1
The Dodo bird is a believed to be member of the pigeon family and it was last seen in 1981 as it is now extinct.People called it dodo because they thought it was dumb for being comfortable and over friendly with humans. Legend has it as man started domesticating other animals they started hunting the dodo bird until they became extinct.With the extinction of the Dodo bird came the extinction of the Cavalria tree. This is because the dodo bird used to spread the seeds. It couldn't digest it so it pooped it else where and the tree grew and flourished. Sort of like humans and Mapera(i don't know the English word, somebody help). so no dodo, no Cavalria tree.Now think of Men as the Dodo bird and women as the Cavalria tree. no men, no women.Know men, know women (dont know why i added the last part but it sounded nice in my head)
The poor boy child! It seems like the devil is hard on their trail. Statistics show that male infants are more likely to die as compared to females. There are more women than men in most countries. In some countries baby boys are so precious that if a woman discovers she is pregnant with a girl she aborts or the mid wife is bribed to smother the baby at birth and lie it was a still birth. Right now in this country we have men dying after drinking the illegal liquor. I was so disgusted to discover that they use young men as guinea pigs for every liquor they brew before they release it to the rest of the public. How sad!
Any hoo one man complained that my blogs are biased and I neglect my male audience. So to my brothers-apologies and know that I love you to the moon and back and I am not a man-hater.
Why I love you? I can’t summarize in one sentence but maybe I can tell of a few things that you do so well.(you already know the things you do wrong)
I love how you are good at: zipping the back of my dress when the situation demands, wearing my heels to stop them from pinching my toes, help me put on my necklace, the back rubs (I mean that back wont rub itself), how you take out the trash, how you lightly touch the small of my back when you are opening the door for me, how you reach out for your wallet to pay the bills(the sexiest move ever- the best aphrodisiac too), how you play with my hair(read not weave. You do not touch the weave), do the lawn, kiss my eyelids, forehead and je ne sais quoi. Tihihi.
You are important and the women can’t do without you ( funny how some arrogant women stand to say how men are useless when they are a product of the female gamete and male gamete fusing). Am especially thankful for the X-chromosome that made me. I see you papi.lol
I thought of ways I could enrich your lives today. I though of doing a love songs collection for men but I knew it would take the bottom shelf after your porn collection (yeah we know what you do when we are not around). So I settled on making a list of babymaking songs as this will benefit you and your girl_ you can thank me now(I may not be here later.lol).
1.Trading places Usher
You know how they joke that some songs give instructions, well this is one of those songs. Appropriate for is birfday.
…pay the bill, wash the car, take out the trash with nothing but a t-shirt on
…the crouching tiger...excetera
2.Lets get it n Marvin gaye
I know many of you were conceived to this song.lol
..we are all sensitive people with so much to give...
…whoooo theres nothing wrong with you loving you...
...stop beating around the bush...
3.Redlight special(dirtyversion) – TLC
I thought I saw Boris Kodjoe with all his hair in the video. Someone please confirm for me. There's a man wearing some animal print underwear, pls Kenyan men be this creative _ those underwear with superman, care bears does nothing to excite our imagination. And please no flowered one either..unless there's something that died down there. Ok i will stop now
…if I move too fast let me know, coz it means you move too slow…
4.Number one s*x R.kelly/Keri Hilson
5. Peepshow – Joe Thomas
…taking you frm the bed, t the wall and to the floor..
6. love scene – Joe Thomas
…sip from your cup.. 69 was a very good year
7. Motivation(explicit version) Kelly Rowland, Lil wayne
I love her new boobies by the way #nohomo. As a small chested woman am jealous. But the icing on the cake is when Weezy does his thing. Please tell me who writes his lyrics..they are so witty
…I turn that thing into a rain forest
..i put her on my plate and to the dishes.
When is he coming to Kenya I go throw my knickers on stage???
8.How can I love you tonight _ Sisqo
Its meant for the wrong kind aloe but who cares the lyrics are awesome. Enjoy
9Nice and slow – Usher
…I got plans to put my hands in places i've never seen…
10. Rihanna – skin
...No heels, no shirt...
...All i'm in is just skin...
Reeree ain't ashamed to let the boy know whats up.
11. Dip it low – Christina Milan
..if he is a good boy...
...a really really good boy..why don’t you let him lay with you?
12. Body kiss – Isley brothers
I love how they censor words with a kiss tihihi. This boys know how make me “get lifted”
we are about to play this game and I will let you win.
13. Cross the line -John Legend
The best singer of our time. I love this song to deff.
14.Amusement park - 50cent
You ain't got take your nini off, just pull them to the side..hahaha
15.Miili yet - Eric Wainaina
If you don't have Eric Wainaina on your play list lease slap yourself.
16. James brown - Superfreak
17. Bite you -Neyo
18. S&M - Rihanna
19. F her gently - Tenacious D
20. In those jeans - Genuine
Some thing about this song makes me wanna take off my jeans.lol.
21. Shorty's got her eyes on me- Donnel Jones
One of my favourite singers of all time.
22. Addicted - Truth hurts
I have never gotten over this lady's facial expression in this video. #nohomo
23. Oops oh my - Tweet
24. D'angelo - Untitled
Strictly for ladies only!Viewers discretion is advised.
25. Till the end of time - Timothy Bloom
Dang! the video did things to me yawa! strictly for adults only.
Sunday 13 November 2011
when does life begin?
During the big abortion debate in Kenya ,I strike a conversation with some lady in a vehicle and she gave me a very scary story. She went to a private party in Nairobi and noticed that every couple who attended the party had two kids (each of opposite sex). She got curious and asked the host if the go out making friends with people with two kids or was it just a coincidence? She found out that the couples had a private doctor who procured for them abortion as they continued to look for the child of the desired sex. Sick I know! The poor woman was shocked to find out that there are people out there playing God and doing whatever they wanted to achieve the “perfect family”.
A few months back I watched The Patricia show on KBC where they were talking about teenage pregnancy. I was shocked to find that young girls are more afraid to get pregnancy than they are of Hiv/Aids.
Like how the computer is underlining the Hiv word and giving me other options which include-Hive.lol
One girl put it so nicely “you can hide Hiv from mum, but pregnancy? Pregnancy you can’t hide”.It broke my heart. This explains why they would rather secretly have an abortion than tell their parents.
Lemmi give you a little statistics
WHO reports that 42wmen abort annually.
In Kenya it’s reported that there are 300,000 abortions annually
Who says 67,000 women die every year due to unsafe abortion and about 2,600 of them are from Kenya. KNH receives abortion related cases daily and 1 in every 10 of these cases dies. They say people lie but numbers don’t. You must admit this are some pretty scary numbers. Wait it gets worse... in Nyanza 42% of 15-19yr olds are already sexually active. It’s so disappointing especially because that’s where I come from. I remember one of my relatives joking that the rest of the Kenyan tribes must be immune to Hiv. I mean how else how else can you explain how majority of Hiv/Aids cases are from Nyanza
(There are some people who even believe that chiqs from nyanza are loose, it makes me mad when some one is with me because of this. I do not necessarily follow the trend or fit into that stereotype).
There have been cases of fetuses being dumped by the roadside. This is also seen in slums where fetuses are dumped and are sometimes eaten by pigs which make sausages which find their way into your plate…am joking
(Now sausages don’t seem so tasty donnit?).
Women in the slums who cant afford health care result to crude ways of aborting. They use : knitting needles, bent coat hangers, ingest bleach , undiluted juice, herbal drinks, malaria pills etc. The shame of unwanted pregnancy also drives this women to procure abortions from ill equipped backstreet clinics. The botched abortions lead to perforated intestines, injured uteruses, bladder and sometimes even the rectum. Doctors complain that abortion complications putting a strain on the already little resources.
When the debate came to Kenya you should have seen the voices in the media. I was amused to see men talk and yet they do not have uteruses. Apart from a few feminists the women were silent on the issue. You would think as the holders of the uteruses we would be given the space to choose what we want. This men who are sometimes too lazy even to carry a condom, don’t even bother to be involved in the choice of family planning. Some pretend to care that you are pregnant but as soon as the babies comes they are no where to be seen I know of women who go to the maternity clinic and come home alone, the husband doesn’t even bother to come for them from the hospital. Ideally it would be nice if men stepped up and became leaders in their families or what did they think the word leader/head of the house meant? I know of a family friend of mine who is involved in his wife’s life they discussed the method of contraception; he knows when the wife has a period and is generally aware of what’s happening. He is not a stranger in his family’s life .The support should be even as simple as including your wife in your medical cover so that she can afford proper medical care.
Then there was the government getting into our bedrooms. The government which prides itself in taking care for its citizens. The same government that admitted to there being a shortage of family planning methods in Kenya. The same government that says that Kenya is yet to attain contraceptive security. The same government that refuses to give death certificates to stillborn children.
I hear some medical officers get rid your foetus (if you miscarry)even without letting you see it, because to them its not that important.Like there's something wrong with you wanting too give your dead baby a decent burial.
The same government that doesn’t help you when the kids are finally born. The billions of the FE money disappearing, the unimix for the children die of anger being contaminated under their watchful eye. Te police men treating women who abort as criminals and sometimes leaving them to bleed to death or jailed for 7 years. Then the 'when does life begin' debate started_
is it after fertilization? After 3mnths? or should we just go straight and arrest the men who masturbate for killing potential fertilizers?lol
The church came out to show their disgust at abortion and read us the riot act. The church which is against condoms knowing very well there’s innocent people out there vulnerable to Hiv?Aids. The church with some questionable characters, we hear of clergy men who organize for abortion for the women they impregnate, The church with people molesting little boys too.The church which is against sex education. The church which sometimes stigmatizes the teenage mothers and drive some to abortion.smh
The society too has failed the woman The stigma associated with unwanted pregnancies. The conservative nature which has seen sex education being removed from the syllabus. The lack of knowledge leaving the young people to experiment with sex without knowing the consequences. But what do I know..?
Anyhoo currently in Kenya they only allow abortion:when there’s rape, incestuous relationships, unsound mind or the woman's life is in danger.
I know you are prolly wondering where my stand it on this issue?
and i will tell you. should abortion be legalized or not? I don't know. Personally i think we are going about this the wrong way. We should aim at making sure we have enough contraceptives in the country instead of working backwards,
it's sad to realize that some of the family planning methods in Kenya are ancient and have been faced out due to their ineffectiveness and yet we are still using them.seriously!!!
To women-just take charge of your sex life because when the baby comes it will be inside you.You will have the responsibility of taking care of it.If you are not ready, life itakuwa mrefu kwako!
A few months back I watched The Patricia show on KBC where they were talking about teenage pregnancy. I was shocked to find that young girls are more afraid to get pregnancy than they are of Hiv/Aids.
Like how the computer is underlining the Hiv word and giving me other options which include-Hive.lol
One girl put it so nicely “you can hide Hiv from mum, but pregnancy? Pregnancy you can’t hide”.It broke my heart. This explains why they would rather secretly have an abortion than tell their parents.
Lemmi give you a little statistics
WHO reports that 42wmen abort annually.
In Kenya it’s reported that there are 300,000 abortions annually
Who says 67,000 women die every year due to unsafe abortion and about 2,600 of them are from Kenya. KNH receives abortion related cases daily and 1 in every 10 of these cases dies. They say people lie but numbers don’t. You must admit this are some pretty scary numbers. Wait it gets worse... in Nyanza 42% of 15-19yr olds are already sexually active. It’s so disappointing especially because that’s where I come from. I remember one of my relatives joking that the rest of the Kenyan tribes must be immune to Hiv. I mean how else how else can you explain how majority of Hiv/Aids cases are from Nyanza
(There are some people who even believe that chiqs from nyanza are loose, it makes me mad when some one is with me because of this. I do not necessarily follow the trend or fit into that stereotype).
There have been cases of fetuses being dumped by the roadside. This is also seen in slums where fetuses are dumped and are sometimes eaten by pigs which make sausages which find their way into your plate…am joking
(Now sausages don’t seem so tasty donnit?).
Women in the slums who cant afford health care result to crude ways of aborting. They use : knitting needles, bent coat hangers, ingest bleach , undiluted juice, herbal drinks, malaria pills etc. The shame of unwanted pregnancy also drives this women to procure abortions from ill equipped backstreet clinics. The botched abortions lead to perforated intestines, injured uteruses, bladder and sometimes even the rectum. Doctors complain that abortion complications putting a strain on the already little resources.
When the debate came to Kenya you should have seen the voices in the media. I was amused to see men talk and yet they do not have uteruses. Apart from a few feminists the women were silent on the issue. You would think as the holders of the uteruses we would be given the space to choose what we want. This men who are sometimes too lazy even to carry a condom, don’t even bother to be involved in the choice of family planning. Some pretend to care that you are pregnant but as soon as the babies comes they are no where to be seen I know of women who go to the maternity clinic and come home alone, the husband doesn’t even bother to come for them from the hospital. Ideally it would be nice if men stepped up and became leaders in their families or what did they think the word leader/head of the house meant? I know of a family friend of mine who is involved in his wife’s life they discussed the method of contraception; he knows when the wife has a period and is generally aware of what’s happening. He is not a stranger in his family’s life .The support should be even as simple as including your wife in your medical cover so that she can afford proper medical care.
Then there was the government getting into our bedrooms. The government which prides itself in taking care for its citizens. The same government that admitted to there being a shortage of family planning methods in Kenya. The same government that says that Kenya is yet to attain contraceptive security. The same government that refuses to give death certificates to stillborn children.
I hear some medical officers get rid your foetus (if you miscarry)even without letting you see it, because to them its not that important.Like there's something wrong with you wanting too give your dead baby a decent burial.
The same government that doesn’t help you when the kids are finally born. The billions of the FE money disappearing, the unimix for the children die of anger being contaminated under their watchful eye. Te police men treating women who abort as criminals and sometimes leaving them to bleed to death or jailed for 7 years. Then the 'when does life begin' debate started_
is it after fertilization? After 3mnths? or should we just go straight and arrest the men who masturbate for killing potential fertilizers?lol
The church came out to show their disgust at abortion and read us the riot act. The church which is against condoms knowing very well there’s innocent people out there vulnerable to Hiv?Aids. The church with some questionable characters, we hear of clergy men who organize for abortion for the women they impregnate, The church with people molesting little boys too.The church which is against sex education. The church which sometimes stigmatizes the teenage mothers and drive some to abortion.smh
The society too has failed the woman The stigma associated with unwanted pregnancies. The conservative nature which has seen sex education being removed from the syllabus. The lack of knowledge leaving the young people to experiment with sex without knowing the consequences. But what do I know..?
Anyhoo currently in Kenya they only allow abortion:when there’s rape, incestuous relationships, unsound mind or the woman's life is in danger.
I know you are prolly wondering where my stand it on this issue?
and i will tell you. should abortion be legalized or not? I don't know. Personally i think we are going about this the wrong way. We should aim at making sure we have enough contraceptives in the country instead of working backwards,
it's sad to realize that some of the family planning methods in Kenya are ancient and have been faced out due to their ineffectiveness and yet we are still using them.seriously!!!
To women-just take charge of your sex life because when the baby comes it will be inside you.You will have the responsibility of taking care of it.If you are not ready, life itakuwa mrefu kwako!
Asa_official
Asa(pronounced Asha) is a Nigerian singer whose real name is Bukola Elemide. Her nick name Asa simply means 'little hawk'. She was born in 1982 in Paris but was raised in Lagos Nigeria. She's the only girl in a family of four children. Her mother was a shopkeeper while her father made videos for weddings. She sings in both Yoruba and English.
She is inspired by the likes of Marvin Gaye, Fela Kuti, Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Aretha Franklin, Sunny Ade, Ebenezer Obey, Lagbaja, Eryka Badu Rafael Sadique, Angelique Kidjoe, D'angeo...most of who her parents used to listen to when she was young. Her music is hard to define as she fuses pop, r&b, funk, world, neo-soul, soul and reggea.
In an interview she said, She wants to show the world that something beautiful and positive can come out of the "dark continent" and inspire young people all over the world.
I was only familiar with Jailer and Fire on the mountain and accidentally stumbled on her new album -Beautiful Imperfection....
...while looking for them on YouTube.My fave tracks on the album are Be my man, baby gone,Why cant we. There is something Tracy Chapman-ish about her.This 'be my man' track is beautiful and simple, i wish Kenyan musicians would also borrow a leaf from this nice video. The guy with pink pants and shades with white handles is the funniest of them all. Plus the dude with the cocktail mixer, wish he could "mix' me like that too.lol.Overall I love her music to the moon and back,have a listen and tell me what you think.
ok.You can thank me now. No need to wait for later!
For more information on her tours, lyrics, biography etc her website- www.asa-official.com and on twitter her handle is asa_official.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Mad issues
Is it possible to die of heartbreak? Because if it is then tonight am on my death bed.
...cue the violins...
I know, its a horrible way to begin todays blog eh? Im pissed as hell...i want to rip out my uterus and hit someone between the eyes with it. I want to sleep in a foetal position with my hands between my legs and never wake up again. I am exhausted...the kind of exhaustion that cant be cured with going on a vacation. I am actually contemplating getting drunk for the first time since college..so drunk that i pass out, but i wont or rather cant because am broke...cigarettes are cheaper but the mama kiosk in my hood is a christian and doesn't stock cigarettes in her kayosk.lol.
Everything that could go wrong today went wrong. First i got this email informing me that i had failed yet another interview...am still trying to pick up the pieces of whatever is left of my self esteem. Just thinking about the dumb questions they were asking me like "why should we hire you?"- how about because i don't have a f-ing job people, how about because my savings have gone dry, how about because i too like the rest of kenyans have bills to pay- i mean did you ever think about that employers????gawd the way you sit behind those seats and grill me to kingdom come is just wrong.
And to think i travelled all the way to the to another town miles away from home and checked in this "continental hotel"!
slept in these "silk sheets"!
sat in this "antique chair"!
showering in these "custom made" bathroom sandals!
had this breakfast fit for a king!(notice the two mugs?)
then washed it down with this water which had stuff floating in it which i assume were vitamins?
Before being packed in this car like sardines!
So as i was going through self pity and really just wallowing in my misery, i had this brilliant idea to rant to one of the people i thought would understand...i got this interesting sms. Someone decided to go cold turkey on my behind(i should change friends!)
.. I took your side when you decided to quit your job, i tetead you..blah..blah.. you are not perfect...blah blah..call it resentment if you like but think about it and think about others for a change..blah blah...
but this other one right here took the cake
...am tired of your whining, life is crappy enough for us then we have to put up
with your whining...blah blah...hebu grow up...you left your promising job...blah..blah..nimechoka.
just when you think you couldn't get any lower someone comes along and digs deeper for you to go a wee bit lower...i mean you were not low enough.
As i was reeling from this text some genius decided today is the day he will katia me on fb. The funniest thing is that his profile picture is of his girlfriend who has this piercing eyes- its as if she can look into your soul...like she is daring you to katia her man.The girl is hot to boot.(what do men want?) then he starts to insult me calling me whore nshit(again why do men think this is the worst way to insult a woman-i can think of worse! because the only way you would know i was a whore is if you slept with me which makes you also a whore- takes one to know one dear!lol) after i politely decline as i am too exhausted to reply... moving on...
Then the unlimited bundles you had subscribed to ,abruptly expires while you are smack in the middle of sending your CV to another employer. Then you subscribe again and it refuses to work...then you call the customer care and some woman who sounds like she got a cold decides to tell you the lines are busy and they will attend to you within two hours. At this point am contemplating getting mamas knife and go harakiri already.
I do some editing for some people online and today the slave driver...sorry the boss informs me that i take too long to edit the manuscripts and send them back with even more errors. That i should stop taking people's essays and running with them. My work is to edit, not to re write the whole story again...well forgive me for trying to bring a little humour and sun shine into peoples lives... Well i know where i want to shove the manuscript.
To make matters worse am loosing friends faster than my pimples are multiplying. Its sorta like jail. After sentencing your family is broken and they visit you often then months later the visitations reduce then eventually they stop coming at all.Even your children forget about you and stop asking when are you coming home.people move on. Speaking of pimples i got this pimple on my face and is as painful af. Its strategically placed in such a way that my glasses rub on it. Every time i wake up the the morning and put on my glasses the sharp pain makes me dizzying and reminds me just how much life my sucks.
Im watching the untouchables feature on KTN where someone is saying how he was told to eat the brain matter of his friend who had been shot in the head. People can be so cruel sometimes-how gruesome.How do you recover from something horrific like that?? All he wanted was to buy a cow from his friend - he picked the wrong day to do it.smh
Gawd! can this mosquitoes leave me alone already? can a girl blog? please? or atleast if you are gonna suck my blood be quiet about it!
Now i have his headache that wont go away and my stomach feels like someone has a blow torch to it. I feel like throwing up and mama just asked me if am pregnant and i say no then she tells me maybe its amoeba. tomorrow i will go to the chemist and self medicate (health care is so expensive these days) but me thinks its just symptoms of a broken heart.
and oh love sucks.(refer to my other post)...
...and if anyone tells you different he deserves to have an anvil tied round his neck and dropped in the middle of the Indian ocean... and if i see cupid i will smack his chubby bottom, huff and puff his halo..and his bow? well am a shove it up where the good Lord split him. They just had to make cupid a small boy with horrible aiming skills.smh
Ive now log onto youtube listening to depressing songs as i cry my tear glands dry... the tears are flowing freely and dropping on my lap as i write this. I hope that i don't hurt Alejandro(that's the name my sister has given her laptop- dont ask!).
Oh shucks! My pimple has just popped as am adjusting my glasses...eeeeewww...grrrrooosss! Gotta go squeeze it with two ear buds just like Tyra showed in her show.(The gospel according to Tyra.lol) night people.
ta ta
...cue the violins...
I know, its a horrible way to begin todays blog eh? Im pissed as hell...i want to rip out my uterus and hit someone between the eyes with it. I want to sleep in a foetal position with my hands between my legs and never wake up again. I am exhausted...the kind of exhaustion that cant be cured with going on a vacation. I am actually contemplating getting drunk for the first time since college..so drunk that i pass out, but i wont or rather cant because am broke...cigarettes are cheaper but the mama kiosk in my hood is a christian and doesn't stock cigarettes in her kayosk.lol.
Everything that could go wrong today went wrong. First i got this email informing me that i had failed yet another interview...am still trying to pick up the pieces of whatever is left of my self esteem. Just thinking about the dumb questions they were asking me like "why should we hire you?"- how about because i don't have a f-ing job people, how about because my savings have gone dry, how about because i too like the rest of kenyans have bills to pay- i mean did you ever think about that employers????gawd the way you sit behind those seats and grill me to kingdom come is just wrong.
And to think i travelled all the way to the to another town miles away from home and checked in this "continental hotel"!
slept in these "silk sheets"!
sat in this "antique chair"!
showering in these "custom made" bathroom sandals!
had this breakfast fit for a king!(notice the two mugs?)
then washed it down with this water which had stuff floating in it which i assume were vitamins?
Before being packed in this car like sardines!
So as i was going through self pity and really just wallowing in my misery, i had this brilliant idea to rant to one of the people i thought would understand...i got this interesting sms. Someone decided to go cold turkey on my behind(i should change friends!)
.. I took your side when you decided to quit your job, i tetead you..blah..blah.. you are not perfect...blah blah..call it resentment if you like but think about it and think about others for a change..blah blah...
but this other one right here took the cake
...am tired of your whining, life is crappy enough for us then we have to put up
with your whining...blah blah...hebu grow up...you left your promising job...blah..blah..nimechoka.
just when you think you couldn't get any lower someone comes along and digs deeper for you to go a wee bit lower...i mean you were not low enough.
As i was reeling from this text some genius decided today is the day he will katia me on fb. The funniest thing is that his profile picture is of his girlfriend who has this piercing eyes- its as if she can look into your soul...like she is daring you to katia her man.The girl is hot to boot.(what do men want?) then he starts to insult me calling me whore nshit(again why do men think this is the worst way to insult a woman-i can think of worse! because the only way you would know i was a whore is if you slept with me which makes you also a whore- takes one to know one dear!lol) after i politely decline as i am too exhausted to reply... moving on...
Then the unlimited bundles you had subscribed to ,abruptly expires while you are smack in the middle of sending your CV to another employer. Then you subscribe again and it refuses to work...then you call the customer care and some woman who sounds like she got a cold decides to tell you the lines are busy and they will attend to you within two hours. At this point am contemplating getting mamas knife and go harakiri already.
I do some editing for some people online and today the slave driver...sorry the boss informs me that i take too long to edit the manuscripts and send them back with even more errors. That i should stop taking people's essays and running with them. My work is to edit, not to re write the whole story again...well forgive me for trying to bring a little humour and sun shine into peoples lives... Well i know where i want to shove the manuscript.
To make matters worse am loosing friends faster than my pimples are multiplying. Its sorta like jail. After sentencing your family is broken and they visit you often then months later the visitations reduce then eventually they stop coming at all.Even your children forget about you and stop asking when are you coming home.people move on. Speaking of pimples i got this pimple on my face and is as painful af. Its strategically placed in such a way that my glasses rub on it. Every time i wake up the the morning and put on my glasses the sharp pain makes me dizzying and reminds me just how much life my sucks.
Im watching the untouchables feature on KTN where someone is saying how he was told to eat the brain matter of his friend who had been shot in the head. People can be so cruel sometimes-how gruesome.How do you recover from something horrific like that?? All he wanted was to buy a cow from his friend - he picked the wrong day to do it.smh
Gawd! can this mosquitoes leave me alone already? can a girl blog? please? or atleast if you are gonna suck my blood be quiet about it!
Now i have his headache that wont go away and my stomach feels like someone has a blow torch to it. I feel like throwing up and mama just asked me if am pregnant and i say no then she tells me maybe its amoeba. tomorrow i will go to the chemist and self medicate (health care is so expensive these days) but me thinks its just symptoms of a broken heart.
and oh love sucks.(refer to my other post)...
...and if anyone tells you different he deserves to have an anvil tied round his neck and dropped in the middle of the Indian ocean... and if i see cupid i will smack his chubby bottom, huff and puff his halo..and his bow? well am a shove it up where the good Lord split him. They just had to make cupid a small boy with horrible aiming skills.smh
Ive now log onto youtube listening to depressing songs as i cry my tear glands dry... the tears are flowing freely and dropping on my lap as i write this. I hope that i don't hurt Alejandro(that's the name my sister has given her laptop- dont ask!).
Oh shucks! My pimple has just popped as am adjusting my glasses...eeeeewww...grrrrooosss! Gotta go squeeze it with two ear buds just like Tyra showed in her show.(The gospel according to Tyra.lol) night people.
ta ta
Saturday 5 November 2011
Samson Pride
I am a proud woman..very proud. I think am the only woman who understands why the character Okonkwo in Things fall apart by Chinua Achebe killed hisself...I'd rather die than admit am weak. I'm talking the destructive kind of pride.The kind that for today i will call the Samson Pride. In the Bible in the book of Judges there's a man called Samson who was full of it. Did things his way. Every time he wanted to do something he went on without praying. Every time ...the spirit of the lord came upon him...he was always overtaking God..lol.That's exactly the behaviour of yours truly. It has taken me along time to accept it but i finally did.
The year was 2010, place was Gospel Outreach church, time was 1600hrs, event - women's meeting, speaker- can't remember but i think her name was Mrs.Bogonko. It was one of those few meeting that i have ever attended in our church. yeah! yeah! am a feminist at heart. I also attend chamas for the free food and gossip seeing as i don't have anything else to contribute.
Anyway the woman was speaking about her pride and how he almost cost her marriage. I wasn't really listening seeing as am not married and all. She quoted the book Of Esther in the bible. She was going on and on about the lady called Vashity. (tried to look for the book of Esther but i cant find it- my bible is old , has no indexes in case you are wondering.lol)- i really need some church.
The more she spoke the more i started getting interested. She talked about herself and i felt as if she was describing me, Never felt so naked in my entire life. After her talk she asked if there was anyone one who needed help in dealing with their pride..*crickets*
No one raised their hand- including yours truly. Why? come on - you know why. That's when i knew i was in a lot of trouble. I was worse off than i thought. I mean i was even too proud to admit am proud in the house of God that i was crippled with pride...the God who i claim to believe and respect...the God whom i hope to one day stand before and be judged..the only God who can save me from myself... the very God who promised to give me a new heart for where my icebox used to be..
...i will take away your stubborn heart of stone and give you an obedient heart..
Ezekiel 36:26
That very same God who loves me unconditionally... i was now pretending in front of him.
I left that meeting a very troubled woman. Part of me wished i hadn't attended the meeting so that i could continue lying to myself that there's nothing wrong with me. Guess i didn't want to prove the stereotype that women from the lakeside are proud, loud and generally obnoxious. I had become that which i had feared and fought so hard.
I buried the feelings deep down, because i just didn't want to deal. The thing about pride and emotions generally is that they are like energy...you cant loose them...You can only convert them from one form to another. Just when you think you are over and above something they take on another form often worse than the initial emotion, as if as it moves it gathers momentum in the process and before you know it its bigger than you.That's when you start projecting by becoming irritable, impatient, angry with sudden drastic mood swings etc. Sooner rather than later you are confronted with these feelings in your face..it gnaws at your conscience .keeps you awake at night..and you then go past the denial stage and gradually accept things as they are.
Unfortunately for me my sooner has not come. am afraid to go there ..am afraid to open that Pandora box because i know the process is painful to go through. Its just easier to lie to myself that am awesome and everybody else is wrong.
My pride has cost me jobs, friendships, opportunity, family and worst of all intimacy with God. I am so proud that there was a year i went with out crying for the whole 365 days...not even a single drop... I was tired of crying all the time...my pillow wet stained with tears every night..my heart being put in a blender over and over and over...and wen i wake up in the morning i find that nothing has changed..i was all cried out.
I couldn't do it any more. I couldn't be vulnerable...i couldn't put it all out there...i couldn't let my self fall knowing very well i couldn't guarantee that there will be somebody there to catch me.I remember going for some team building session where we were told to fall backwards into the arms of our teammates...hell no! I was shocked at every bodies ability to trust so easily. i refused to do it. Some even thought i was just being my funny self...when i walked back to the hotel room..that's when they knew shits serious.
Pride has alienated me from people and turned me into a monster. I have forgotten how to relate with people. I don't feel like i really belong anywhere in the grand scheme of things. Now you know why i love the character Holden in J.D. Salinger's The catcher and the Rye. Its so bad that when i visit my friends i don't unpack. For real, i don't. I leave my shit in the suitcase. Funny thing is i never knew did it until my friend brought it to my attention. She normally waits until i fall asleep and she secretly transfers them to her closet. Come to think of it i recently moved back to my mother's house and i haven't unpacked anything. Weird, i know. I even find it hard to go for "number two" in a new environment. I mean i want to go but i cant go(you know what i mean?) My friend says its because i missed some developmental stages in my early childhood- really??? This "disease(for lack of a better term) has got me acting all weird.
This pride won't even let me let a man take care of me. A few days ago i argued with my pal over credit he sent me. He asked me why i never call and i told him i didn't have credit...so the logical solution was for him to give me credit which then became an issue and the poor man couldn't understand what he did wrong(women!). The conversation ended with him telling me to take it to Bobby or shove it up my arse( i deserve that). The poor guy is trying to love me and i won't let him. He says he will love me even if it kills me (talk about tough love or is it thug love?). This reminds me of the character in Light in August- Joe thomas who was adopted and anytime his step mom was trying to be nice he would go like...she is trying to make me cry...Guess this guy it trying to make me cry by breaking the walls...
My pride right now is about to cost me a relationship. I am too proud to say am sorry, it was my fault...am too proud to sat i miss hanging out...i miss the phone calls...the texts...am too proud to say i take back everything i said..too proud to admit i have written the text many times and deleted it immediately ...too proud to admit i go to twitter and fb stalking to see if i have already been replaced...too proud to admit that i cant stop crying myself to sleep..too proud to show how tired i am of being strong and i just want to run back into the same arms and cry my tear glands dry(and buy him a new shirt to replace the one stained with tears, eyeshadow and lip gloss)...too proud to admit i can't do it alone.
The worst part is that you know this blog is about you and when you call to ask me...my pride will tell me to tell you its not!
I leave you with the lyrics of this awesome song, which makes me cry all the time.
Be careful of my heart by Tracy chapman
You and your sweet smile
You and your tantalizing ways
You and your honey lips
You and all the sweet things that they say
You and your wild wild ways
One day you just up and walked away
You left me hurting
But I can forgive you for that now
You taught me something
Something took half my life to learn
When you give all yourself away
Just tell them to be careful of your heart
Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful of this heart of mine
[Lyrics from www.EasyLyrics.org]
Be careful of my heart, heart
It just might break and send some splinters flying
Be careful of my heart, heart
Be careful
You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my love
Thought you took it all
You you you
You you you
You you you
Took my love
And now you're gone
But I'm not breaking down
And I'm not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance I might try it again
But I wouldn't risk it all this time
I'd save
A little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day some sweet smile might turn my head
One day I just might give all myself away
One day
One day
One day
[Lyrics from www.EasyLyrics.org]
But I'm not breaking down
And I'm not falling apart
I just lost a little faith
When you broke my heart
Given a chance I might try it again
But I wouldn't risk it all this time
I'd save
A little love for myself
Enough for my heart to mend
A little love for myself
One day I just might love again
One day some sweet smile might turn my head
One day I just might give all myself away
One day
One day
Thursday 3 November 2011
there's always that one idiot
Then we shall no longer be children carried by the waves and blown about by every shifting wind of the teaching of deceitful people, who lead others into error by the tricks they invent. Ephesians 4;15
I spend a lot of time on the social networks seeing as there’s really is nothing else to do…am open to suggestions though. Currently my addiction is Twitter where I get to “interact” with a lot of people. It has been really helpful especially as am trying be a writer and all. I have learnt a lot from other writers so have others from me. The only difference with me is that I take everything with a pinch of salt. Sadly though there’s a group of young people who are joining this social networks without any clue of what they are opening themselves to.
They are so impressionable and easily deceived. They get sucked in by peoples’ avis not knowing that not everything they see is not as it seems. They don’t know some of the pictures put there are downloaded and were taken by professional models. e.g My avi picture shows my face clear but in real life I have black scars left after I had chicken pox in class eight. Not everything is as it seems. Some of the stuff I write is in jest and a bit of exaggeration meant to entertain. It would be nice if I was some deep writer and wow you with my knowledge and intellect but fortunately/unfortunately am not. There are enough writers out there doing it. I love comedy, fun and jokes and that’s why most of the stuff I write are like that.
Don't get me started on all those people who are always calling you if they see any unusual status updates.Its never that serious!
I can’t count the number of times I have had young men solicit sex from me due to the stuff I write on my blog. Some even proposition my younger siblings who are also on twirra, I have a couple of laughs the way they are creative.lol. They draw their own conclusions and are somehow under the illusion that I will fulfill their sexual fantasies or bring some excitement in their otherwise boring life (If they were smart they would have already figured by now, I don’t have much of a life too. I mean I spend more time writing about life instead of being out there living it) they haven’t learnt to take everything with a grain of salt(for twitter make that a bag of salt.lol) I wish there was a way they could lock out kids from accessing fb and twirra but alas. Or at least have an orientation manual, but I doubt if it will work seeing as none of us never bother to read “the terms and conditions” of anything.
Some get on these sites because they are lonely and they hope to find companionship and are so open and vulnerable it’s painful. They get disappointed and heart broken when they get turned down and don’t even know how to handle rejection. I think if you can’t find love in real life and online then the problem is you because you are the common denominator. Just deal with it, see a counselor or something instead of getting on the internet to hurt people (remember people who hurt, hurt other people).
If you keep on blocking people and unblocking people, there’s something definitely wrong with you. You need to make up your mind whether you want to remove someone or not. Kwanza in fb am tired of always adding people who had removed me kitambo. Some are even dumb enough to go and change their names, its tiring. If being your friend on twitter and fb is this exhausting then am guessing in real life your also a tool. I mean this is where someone can profess undying love one minute and block your ass the next minute. Personally I use these sites for purely entertainment and fun so if you come with your heart on your sleeve and I say something and you catch feelings then am sorry for you. Must be exhausting always carrying your heart on your sleeve like that.
My kid sister who is in high school joined face book and gave her cell phone number to some guy my age and I was shocked at how naive she was. Good thing we know the guy so my brother saved the situation. I could not believe a grown man could ask her for her number and she is underage. Now I monitor her anytime she is online and her phone too but I know it’s only a matter of time before she gets smarter than me if she hasn’t already.
I have seen some college students try to pride themselves as geniuses and try to identify with characters like those in Big bang theory, How I met your mother etc. You are not Sheldon genius (I use the term loosely), you probably haven’t finished your degree yet with no invention/discovery to your name. Just be your beautiful self and people will love that about you. I can’t help but laugh. Some can’t even understand simple sarcasm or even get simple jokes on twirra and yet claim to be geniuses. I cant even begin to tell you how exhausting it is to explain a joke to them.
Some even have the balls to insult celebrities because of something they tweeted and am thinking are you serious??? That celebrity worked his butt off to get there and prolly earns in one month enough money to pay your student loans with just one cheque. Next t them your ass is insignificant, people are in awe of this celebrity. Why you want to make a fool of your self? people laugh at you the celeb hater in secret, don't you know that? You are busy hating and they are making millions and growing every day and compared to you…ok let me stop before I get into trouble. It makes me want to kill myself and everyone around me. Gawd!
Some have the gull copy paste stuff from other sites on their blogs and pass them off as their own. Not knowing all the material they need is inside them and that they too can be good enough to write beautiful original stuff.
I remember in uni guys used to talk about their “conquests” to other guys and exaggerate stuff. There was always that one idiot who took their stories as gospel truth. The idiot who was fascinated by stories, the idiot that was taking noters…The idiot then decided to do the same to other girls and some even resorted to rape. I even knew boys who were virgins and lied about their prowess. I was even shocked to discover some guys use porn as their bible for how to please a woman. Am telling you people this generation has more problem than you thought. (This “movies” are written by professional writers who are being paid millions) Like when some idiot wants to throw the girl to the wall and kiss her passionately when our Kenyan houses are made of stones and concrete.smh. When in the porn set the walls are some times cushioned with soft boards. Like when ninja wants to yank your hair (which sometimes is a weave that caused a fortune) the way he saw on telly…so sad!
Women are experts of spreading miss-information…I can’t tell you the lies my pals in college taught me. Thank God I was always skeptical to try out stuff, other wise I would be dead by now.
That’s why it’s advisable to examine and judge everything you hear because not everything is as it appears. To the smart people be careful the stuff you put online because on this sites there’s always that one idiot who is taking your words way too seriously.
I spend a lot of time on the social networks seeing as there’s really is nothing else to do…am open to suggestions though. Currently my addiction is Twitter where I get to “interact” with a lot of people. It has been really helpful especially as am trying be a writer and all. I have learnt a lot from other writers so have others from me. The only difference with me is that I take everything with a pinch of salt. Sadly though there’s a group of young people who are joining this social networks without any clue of what they are opening themselves to.
They are so impressionable and easily deceived. They get sucked in by peoples’ avis not knowing that not everything they see is not as it seems. They don’t know some of the pictures put there are downloaded and were taken by professional models. e.g My avi picture shows my face clear but in real life I have black scars left after I had chicken pox in class eight. Not everything is as it seems. Some of the stuff I write is in jest and a bit of exaggeration meant to entertain. It would be nice if I was some deep writer and wow you with my knowledge and intellect but fortunately/unfortunately am not. There are enough writers out there doing it. I love comedy, fun and jokes and that’s why most of the stuff I write are like that.
Don't get me started on all those people who are always calling you if they see any unusual status updates.Its never that serious!
I can’t count the number of times I have had young men solicit sex from me due to the stuff I write on my blog. Some even proposition my younger siblings who are also on twirra, I have a couple of laughs the way they are creative.lol. They draw their own conclusions and are somehow under the illusion that I will fulfill their sexual fantasies or bring some excitement in their otherwise boring life (If they were smart they would have already figured by now, I don’t have much of a life too. I mean I spend more time writing about life instead of being out there living it) they haven’t learnt to take everything with a grain of salt(for twitter make that a bag of salt.lol) I wish there was a way they could lock out kids from accessing fb and twirra but alas. Or at least have an orientation manual, but I doubt if it will work seeing as none of us never bother to read “the terms and conditions” of anything.
Some get on these sites because they are lonely and they hope to find companionship and are so open and vulnerable it’s painful. They get disappointed and heart broken when they get turned down and don’t even know how to handle rejection. I think if you can’t find love in real life and online then the problem is you because you are the common denominator. Just deal with it, see a counselor or something instead of getting on the internet to hurt people (remember people who hurt, hurt other people).
If you keep on blocking people and unblocking people, there’s something definitely wrong with you. You need to make up your mind whether you want to remove someone or not. Kwanza in fb am tired of always adding people who had removed me kitambo. Some are even dumb enough to go and change their names, its tiring. If being your friend on twitter and fb is this exhausting then am guessing in real life your also a tool. I mean this is where someone can profess undying love one minute and block your ass the next minute. Personally I use these sites for purely entertainment and fun so if you come with your heart on your sleeve and I say something and you catch feelings then am sorry for you. Must be exhausting always carrying your heart on your sleeve like that.
My kid sister who is in high school joined face book and gave her cell phone number to some guy my age and I was shocked at how naive she was. Good thing we know the guy so my brother saved the situation. I could not believe a grown man could ask her for her number and she is underage. Now I monitor her anytime she is online and her phone too but I know it’s only a matter of time before she gets smarter than me if she hasn’t already.
I have seen some college students try to pride themselves as geniuses and try to identify with characters like those in Big bang theory, How I met your mother etc. You are not Sheldon genius (I use the term loosely), you probably haven’t finished your degree yet with no invention/discovery to your name. Just be your beautiful self and people will love that about you. I can’t help but laugh. Some can’t even understand simple sarcasm or even get simple jokes on twirra and yet claim to be geniuses. I cant even begin to tell you how exhausting it is to explain a joke to them.
Some even have the balls to insult celebrities because of something they tweeted and am thinking are you serious??? That celebrity worked his butt off to get there and prolly earns in one month enough money to pay your student loans with just one cheque. Next t them your ass is insignificant, people are in awe of this celebrity. Why you want to make a fool of your self? people laugh at you the celeb hater in secret, don't you know that? You are busy hating and they are making millions and growing every day and compared to you…ok let me stop before I get into trouble. It makes me want to kill myself and everyone around me. Gawd!
Some have the gull copy paste stuff from other sites on their blogs and pass them off as their own. Not knowing all the material they need is inside them and that they too can be good enough to write beautiful original stuff.
I remember in uni guys used to talk about their “conquests” to other guys and exaggerate stuff. There was always that one idiot who took their stories as gospel truth. The idiot who was fascinated by stories, the idiot that was taking noters…The idiot then decided to do the same to other girls and some even resorted to rape. I even knew boys who were virgins and lied about their prowess. I was even shocked to discover some guys use porn as their bible for how to please a woman. Am telling you people this generation has more problem than you thought. (This “movies” are written by professional writers who are being paid millions) Like when some idiot wants to throw the girl to the wall and kiss her passionately when our Kenyan houses are made of stones and concrete.smh. When in the porn set the walls are some times cushioned with soft boards. Like when ninja wants to yank your hair (which sometimes is a weave that caused a fortune) the way he saw on telly…so sad!
Women are experts of spreading miss-information…I can’t tell you the lies my pals in college taught me. Thank God I was always skeptical to try out stuff, other wise I would be dead by now.
That’s why it’s advisable to examine and judge everything you hear because not everything is as it appears. To the smart people be careful the stuff you put online because on this sites there’s always that one idiot who is taking your words way too seriously.
Wednesday 2 November 2011
Who is an African?
We are not Africans because we are born in Africa, we are Africans because Africa is born in us
No one is an Africa unless they are also considered a black person, but not every black person is an African ethnicity
An African is one who comes from Africa and believes in the cultural values of African people.
An African is one who lives in Africa or trace their ancestry to indigenous inhabitants of Africa for 3-4 generations.
For a true African like me this issue has never bothered me. I'm an African because...well i just am. I don't know how to explain it though. The good thing about being raised in the village and all i have never questioned my Africaness. So why this blog? Am glad you ask- and i will tell you.
I was chatting with someone online and he insisted that i should not be a christian because Christianity is not African. It was brought here by the white man. (Really??) He prides himself in being 100% African and advised me to do the same.He tells me that Jesus was human and some council of Nicea sat down and decided to make Jesus into a God. I then asked him how he came to know about this council of Nicea- his response- history books, the same history books that say Jesus died and rose again. (Am i the only one seeing a lot of contradictions???) The way i see it he is choosing which parts of History to believe and not to believe, which don't make no damn sense to me.
Another young man a few days ago was telling me the same . I need to act more African! It got me curious so i went out seeking other peoples thought(read blog whoring) and i was shocked at the number of people trying to act African.You don't act African- you just are. Apparently my love for B.E.P band and whodunnit movies like CSI, Bones,Lie to me...means am not being African enough. It must really be a hard life always questioning your Africaness...always being so colour conscious...always feeling guilty when you watch foreign movies or listen to rock music etc. That's no way to live!
Foreigners come to Kenya all the time and copy our culture and a lot of other stuff and even learn Swahili and no one sees anything wrong with that...in fact we think its cute to hear them speak Swahili with a strange accent. But when you Speak fluent English- you are tryna be white- Yawa! Its not like i wake up in the morning looking for new ways to be white. My parents took me to school and every subject i was taught using English as a medium. I Majored English and Literature in college for crying out loud. Every job I apply for am subjected to aptitude tests which includes questions on the English grammar. Now when was the last time you went to an interview you were asked a question in Swahili?- Its OK I'll wait...
This identity crisis is quickly spreading in Kenya with people trying too hard to be African- wearing chunky bangles and earrings, Afros, kitenges, kikois,Dashikis, thong sandals, dropping their Christian names etc.Its not wrong to do this but don't let it consume you to a point that before you do anything you have to ask yourself, is it African or not- you are not an Island. I read on some blog where a writer was explaining that as an African you should have only photos of exclusively black people on your blog. gawd! If you google a picture and you exclusively look for photos of African people aren't you being a little too colour conscious?
This other young man was telling me how he only reads African books, watch porn with black women only(smh), every thing black and nothing else. Funny thing is he is chatting with me through the internet invented by some white people, his clothes(as seen on the avi) are brands from U.S.A. ...and am thinking if you really want to be African maybe you should go back to wearing cowhide, sleeping in huts etc (you catch my drift)... and while you are at it-drink stuff from African manufacturers, drive cars made by Africans, Go to African owned business etc.And I promise you life will be a prison for you.
Call it naivety or just plain stupidity but i don't get why its such a big issue to remind African they are Africans. Like the way in America you hear Latin American, African American etc but never Australian American, Irish American,Brazillian American, Greek American...it just don't make sense. Now the young people of African descent who have never stepped on African soil, don't know which country their ancestors came from, don't speak any of the African languages are made to feel bad for something which is not their fault. They don't feel like they fit there and when they come to Africa of course we prolly won't consider them African enough - so where do they go? What can they say they are?
Don't get me wrong i like being African and i agree with the person who said that its in the heart not limited to the skin only or where your born. I believe we are beautiful people put on earth with a purpose and not accident. We have contributed a lot to the world from culture, architecture, music to fashion. I understand that we shouldn't adopt every foreign culture blindly. I just have something against people who romanticize the African culture. If you read history, the old African religions weren't perfect either...for crying out loud we had human sacrifice! throwing away of people born with defects etc(Read Things fall apart by Chinua Achebe). There needs to be a balanced view of life.
Thanks to the "enlightened" people now we got some young people walking around wondering if they are African enough. Someone even questioned the use of peroxide(perm) to straighten my hair and wearing of weaves by women. We are not trying to be white, its just easier to manage that way. Just adding some synthetic material on my head won't make me any less African. I mean you men apply imported colognes,wear foreign designer clothes etc so i don't see why weaves is such a big issue for you. Why i watch these foreign movies because i can and there isn't anything else to watch anyways. Just take a look at our local Kenyan Tv stations, majority of the soap operas are foreign with always the same story line- you can almost always predict the ending.After watching foreign comedy shows like How i met your mother, Big Bang theory and somebody wants you to go back to watching our local comedies full of people imitating accent of the Kenyan tribes, I mean it was cute and all when Redykulass did it but we should move on already.The accent thing, is getting old...(But i love what churchill and Omondi are doing though)
So who is an African?
Is it what you wear? is it the colour of your skin? is it where you are born? Is it in your genes? what???
I don't know about you but my take is that just be proud of who you are and where you come from. If you think and feel you are African then you are, if you don't then damn it, you aren't. If anyone tells you different tell them, you are because Vicky said so.lol.
My favourite books
Todays blog post goes to @henry_Abuya who has taken over the task of supplying me with E-books to keep me away from trouble. He was kind enough to ask for book suggestions in return for this kind gesture. I offered to give myself (that’s how much I love books) but being the principled guy that he is he refused. You would think it would make me hate him but it makes me like him even more.lol. Anyway here’s a list of books which have made a big impact on my life.
1.The mixers by Mwangi Gicheru
It’s the first novel I read by a Kenyan writer. Long before I disvovered kina Ngugi wa Thiong’o binyavanga wanaina, Grace Ogot, Margaret Ogola, Marjorie Oludhe, David Mulwa etc
It was about white settlers and their interactions with the natives. I was young so I cant really remember the significant lessons. I learned the vulgar kikuyu words from the book. Like some Mzungu asked the locals to tell him how to say good morning in kikuyu and he was told its “niatia nugu ino”. I can’t translate. Theres also a part where the Mzungus cow goes to mate with the local bulls and he gets pissed and tries to chase it away. lol. The poor horny bull didn’t know the boundaries. I have tried looking for this book but I can’t find it.
2. Sophies heart by Lori Wick
The first Christian Romance novel that I read and it brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautifully written, forget the soaps they show on telly every nite, this is what you shoud be reading. I just wish someone would turn it into a movie already. Its a womans(sophie) journey from Czechoslovakia to U.S.A as an emigrant and a series of events see her finding love and blah blah blah. I remember a part where a mr-too-damn good proposes by putting a ring in a jar full of fireflies at night…no marriage proposal has ever topped this for me. Just thinking about it makes me tear-up.
3.The Best a man can Get by John Ofarrell
A good friend of mine in Campus gave it to me. I read it so many times av lost count. I even remember the cover had the picture of a goldfish in a bowl(guess that's how the rotagonist felt) It revolves around Michael Adams who lives a double life and no one knows. He is a musician who creates jingles for ads (like Charlie in two and a half men), he has a young family- a wife and two kids in the North of London in Kentish and marriage life overwhelms him. On the South of London he has a flat which doubles up as his studio which he shares with three other guys. When not working(which is most of the time) they just play computer games or watch telly and just generally do guy stuff. His wife is not aware of is living arrangement and everything is going well until his wife gets pregnant with the third child and his world starts spiraling out of control. It’s not sad though, its full of humour from beginning to end.
4. Harris and Me by Gary Palsen
The friend who gave me the above book also gave me this one. It’s meant for kids but I love it kabisa. My inner child was entertained af. Its about an 11yr old boy from the city dropped off by his parents at his cousins(Harris) who lives in the farm. Together they get from one mischief to another(it reminds me of the adventures of moses by Barbara Kimenye). Harris is undisciplined, rough, curses too much but exciting to a point that you dont even hate the character. It’s like a comedy and am talking Charlie-Chaplin-or-Mwala kind of fun. There’s a part where one of them pees on an electric fence and gets electrocuted. Haris keeps referring to his uncle who almost went to war- hilarious.
5. The catcher in the Rye – by Jerome Davis Salinger (J.D. Salinger)
In college,in literature classes, we were required to choose some elective courses and being the lazy woman that I am I used to collect all the course outline and choose the one with the least books to read. That’s how I accidentally ended up in the American literature class.
These books changed me in more ways than one. I come from a background where English grammar is sacrosanct. Far be it from me to dare break any rules. Then I “meet” J.D. an all that changed. I love his style of writing, subjective – from the point of view of the protagonist. The writer uses the teen colloquial speech of the time- words and phrases that frequently appear include phony(superficial), That killed me(hilarious), Flit(homosexual) etc. Even the title of the book is the corruption of some poem. I just love the freedom to write that J.D had, I wish I could have met him. This book came at the right time in my life when I was going through some funny phase (for lack of a better term). I saw my self in the main character Holden who the whole story revolves around. Holden is erratic , confused, unreliable, restless and caught between adolescence and adulthood. He seems to know what he doesn’t want but can’t tell what he wants and keeps on changing schools. Issues of identity, belonging, connection, alienation, isolation, disillusionment and restlessness of the post-war generation in America are brought forth.
I wish every teen could get their hand on this book.
Here's my old copy, it stays in my purse always, i never leave it behind. Am even afraid to lend it to other people.lol
6. Sunset in Africa – by peter M. Nyarango
I am currently reading this one. Am at page 26 and am already in love. Its written by a doctor(reminds me of Yusuf Daewood). Through it I have learnt a few Kisii words and some culture too. Like kitambo if you had ring worms they'd shave your head then apply cow dung from a black cow(don’t ask me why) and you had to let it stay there for 48hrs!!! Jeez!how do you spell torture.Anyways let me get back to reading.
1.The mixers by Mwangi Gicheru
It’s the first novel I read by a Kenyan writer. Long before I disvovered kina Ngugi wa Thiong’o binyavanga wanaina, Grace Ogot, Margaret Ogola, Marjorie Oludhe, David Mulwa etc
It was about white settlers and their interactions with the natives. I was young so I cant really remember the significant lessons. I learned the vulgar kikuyu words from the book. Like some Mzungu asked the locals to tell him how to say good morning in kikuyu and he was told its “niatia nugu ino”. I can’t translate. Theres also a part where the Mzungus cow goes to mate with the local bulls and he gets pissed and tries to chase it away. lol. The poor horny bull didn’t know the boundaries. I have tried looking for this book but I can’t find it.
2. Sophies heart by Lori Wick
The first Christian Romance novel that I read and it brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautifully written, forget the soaps they show on telly every nite, this is what you shoud be reading. I just wish someone would turn it into a movie already. Its a womans(sophie) journey from Czechoslovakia to U.S.A as an emigrant and a series of events see her finding love and blah blah blah. I remember a part where a mr-too-damn good proposes by putting a ring in a jar full of fireflies at night…no marriage proposal has ever topped this for me. Just thinking about it makes me tear-up.
3.The Best a man can Get by John Ofarrell
A good friend of mine in Campus gave it to me. I read it so many times av lost count. I even remember the cover had the picture of a goldfish in a bowl(guess that's how the rotagonist felt) It revolves around Michael Adams who lives a double life and no one knows. He is a musician who creates jingles for ads (like Charlie in two and a half men), he has a young family- a wife and two kids in the North of London in Kentish and marriage life overwhelms him. On the South of London he has a flat which doubles up as his studio which he shares with three other guys. When not working(which is most of the time) they just play computer games or watch telly and just generally do guy stuff. His wife is not aware of is living arrangement and everything is going well until his wife gets pregnant with the third child and his world starts spiraling out of control. It’s not sad though, its full of humour from beginning to end.
4. Harris and Me by Gary Palsen
The friend who gave me the above book also gave me this one. It’s meant for kids but I love it kabisa. My inner child was entertained af. Its about an 11yr old boy from the city dropped off by his parents at his cousins(Harris) who lives in the farm. Together they get from one mischief to another(it reminds me of the adventures of moses by Barbara Kimenye). Harris is undisciplined, rough, curses too much but exciting to a point that you dont even hate the character. It’s like a comedy and am talking Charlie-Chaplin-or-Mwala kind of fun. There’s a part where one of them pees on an electric fence and gets electrocuted. Haris keeps referring to his uncle who almost went to war- hilarious.
5. The catcher in the Rye – by Jerome Davis Salinger (J.D. Salinger)
In college,in literature classes, we were required to choose some elective courses and being the lazy woman that I am I used to collect all the course outline and choose the one with the least books to read. That’s how I accidentally ended up in the American literature class.
These books changed me in more ways than one. I come from a background where English grammar is sacrosanct. Far be it from me to dare break any rules. Then I “meet” J.D. an all that changed. I love his style of writing, subjective – from the point of view of the protagonist. The writer uses the teen colloquial speech of the time- words and phrases that frequently appear include phony(superficial), That killed me(hilarious), Flit(homosexual) etc. Even the title of the book is the corruption of some poem. I just love the freedom to write that J.D had, I wish I could have met him. This book came at the right time in my life when I was going through some funny phase (for lack of a better term). I saw my self in the main character Holden who the whole story revolves around. Holden is erratic , confused, unreliable, restless and caught between adolescence and adulthood. He seems to know what he doesn’t want but can’t tell what he wants and keeps on changing schools. Issues of identity, belonging, connection, alienation, isolation, disillusionment and restlessness of the post-war generation in America are brought forth.
I wish every teen could get their hand on this book.
Here's my old copy, it stays in my purse always, i never leave it behind. Am even afraid to lend it to other people.lol
6. Sunset in Africa – by peter M. Nyarango
I am currently reading this one. Am at page 26 and am already in love. Its written by a doctor(reminds me of Yusuf Daewood). Through it I have learnt a few Kisii words and some culture too. Like kitambo if you had ring worms they'd shave your head then apply cow dung from a black cow(don’t ask me why) and you had to let it stay there for 48hrs!!! Jeez!how do you spell torture.Anyways let me get back to reading.
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