White teeth by Zadie Smith

The book follows the lives of two best friends Samad Iqbal who is an immigrant from Bangladesh and Archie Jones who is an English man. The two friends who met while serving during the war are both married to much younger women. The book starts with Archie whose frustrated with his Italian wife who left him after a troubled childless marriage and tries to kill himself. He gets interrupted and realizes that he wants to live. He then meets and marries Clara who is a Jamaican woman and together they have a daughter called Irie. 

Samad who marries a young woman called Alsana through a traditionally arranged marriage gets twin boys named Millat and Magid. Samad struggles to keep his Islamic faith in the English country and decided to send one of his sons back to his home country so that he gets an Islamic upbringing. The two boys end up drifting apart and become complete opposite in terms of beliefs. Irie becomes pregnant after sleeping with two men in the same day. She can’t know who the father is seeing as ...well you have to read the book to find out why!

The story is mainly about the lives of immigrants and their children as they try to survive in a foreign land and society. There is the conflict between between trying to adapt in this new society while maintaining and preserving their culture. Samad is especially concerned about his children loosing their identities and fully assimilating in this new society. They all feel lost as they try their best to find where they fit in their new environment. The writer as most reviews observed use the title ‘White teeth’ to show that despite all the different backgrounds, all these people are unified in that they all have white teeth. Irie desires to be a dentist which is also viewed as an attempt to unify everyone.

The writer manages to retain the momentum from beginning to end. Unlike some novels which normally plateau somewhere in between this one kept me interested from beginning to end. What even impressed me more is that the author, Zadie Smith wrote this book when she was only 25 years old back in 2000 and managed to win numerous awards like the Whitebread best first novel award. There are so many things I learned from this book as the writer writes the most profound things. Her use of language is so sophisticated, something I would expect from a veteran writer and not in a debut book. This book literally blew me away. I’ve never read anything like it. (And no she didn’t pay me to advertise)  It doesn’t hurt that she is also beautiful to boot.

 

Somebody hook this sister up! Pretty please!!!!!!!

I had a very disturbing conversation with my little cousin. She asked me over the weekend if I know a singer called Popcorn so I go,

“There is a singer called popcorn?”

 “No it’s not popcorn”, she shrilled. “

Then she proceeds to spell it out for me,”its P-O-P-C-A-A-N!” And am thinking a musician named after one of my favourite snacks can’t be that bad. She even tried to show me a few dancing moves, but my body ain’t as supple as it used to be, so i decided to sit this one out. The fact that my cousin is very tall and lanky makes her dancing very amusing to watch. I’m always avuncular around young people; they very are amusing to engage with. Although sometimes they can make you feel old like my cousin does. Yesterday I discovered some white hairs on my head. Grandma says in our family we get white hair early. I can’t wait to have a full crown of white hair. I just hope I look as good as the designer Ann MCreath of Kiko Romeo does with hers.

Anyways I never loved reggae songs. I always thought it was for rebels filled with angst at how evil and way ward the world had become. Full of talks about Marcus Garvey, Haille Sellassie and the eschewing from the blue eyed man (that’s the name they have for Jesus) and the promise by oppressors of the pie in the sky after all the suffering they put them through here on earth. Always calling on Zion to rise up; and running away from somewhere or someone called Babylon. They also spoke funny ...I and I, the Bobo Ashanti, boomba clot (which am made to understand is a cloth used by menstruating women during the visit by the red robot.smh) and lots of other stuff I couldn’t understand. Don’t get me started on the use of cannabis (which they affectionately call Ganja) to cleanse the body, mind and soul and bring them some peace.

Then I “met” the Bob Marley, Lucky Dube, Morgan heritage, Gregory Isaacs, maxi priest and other awesome groups and my opinion changed. I love me some reggae music. They also have some fun songs about love and life plus what I believe they call conscious music. It is not always doom and gloom all the time. I think the reason why the Rastafarian culture which heavily influences reggae music appeals to many people is because of the passion in their voice and lyrics; enjoying life without being too pedantic about everything. My kid sister loves the reggae music and is drawn to the culture. She even has locks, isn’t fuegocassey so adorable???

I suspect she had dreams to gwan meet a Jamaican brother and get fi him some pickneys (me trying to copy the accent). I mean the way she be drooling over singer Konshens’ photo. My cousin insists that the name Konshens is a corruption of the word conscience but I think she is just making up stuff. There is apparently a difference between reggae, raga and riddims which of course I still don’t get but its awesome learning. I also find it difficult to understand their Pidgin English but thankfully my sister is always around to interpret. Besides the modern artists like Alaine, Cecile, Chris, martins, Denyque etc speak sing with very little pidgin in their lyrics.

My sister also tells me that if you have locks it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are Rastafarian. Like our Mau Mau veterans who fought for independence in the forest had them (I mean going to the barbers was the least of their worries when war for independence was at hand) I always assumed all the people who have locks subscribe to the Rastafarian culture, you know like my catholic friends have their spiky rings. One dreadlocked dude once told me they got it from the bible where it was said Samson had 7 locks which they interpreted as locks since you know it couldn’t have been matutas made by lovely Miss Delilah, right!

Personally I don’t own many reggae songs in my play list but I always go through fuegocassey's songs when she comes over. I love me some Alaine, Cecile, Brick and Lace, Allison Hinds, Denyque, Queen Africa, Chris martin, Gyptian, Sean Paul and the very handsome Konshens-he dresses so great with minimal bling/colours; wish some male Kenyan musicians would copy his style. I like Richie Spice too; I just wish he would smile more in his music videos. I think Chipmunk (strange name) is a good rapper and I so feel his lines. I love the black sugar song especially coz you always hear musicians sing for the mocha skin sisters but no one sings for us black sisters.yay! And the way he croons on how he needs more black sugar makes me gwan get on a red eye n do boom boom with the bwoy (my other lame ass attempt at mimicking the accent) I suck! But some of those songs waaaah! Are so libidinous... I tried listening to Busy Signals- read my lips and I couldn’t stop blushing. He was basically saying all the stuff he wants to do to some kitty. Dang! Ninja is not pulling any punches.LOL!

Below are some of my favourite songs:

1. Kings Queen – Richie Spice

2. Brown Skin – “

3. Grooving my girl-  “

4. Butterfly – Gyptian

5. She is royal- Tarrue Riley

6. Golden brown Skin – Peetah Morgan

7. You never find- Jah Cure

8. Ride or die- Cecile

9. When I come home – Morgan heritage

10. Black sugar- Ginja

11. Always on my mind- sean paul

12. Can’t get we out- Morgan heritage

13. Roll it girl- Allison Hinds

14. One in a million- Gramps morgan

15. Bye, bye, bye- Alaine

16. Turn me on- Kevin little

17. Love of a lifetime- Alaine

18. You got me- Morgan heritage

I know you are prolly wondering why am yapping on about reggae and stuff. Well Tarrus Railey is coming to Nairobi to perform at carnivore restaurant on August 11^th and I really, really, want to go see it live.

I love his goatee and glasses, makes him look like a wise old sage almost geekish.Don’t get me started on his little lisp...ooooh! Nyathino onyosa hahahah!

So am looking for sponsors. I have never gone to any Reggae concert and am dying to go to this one. Since now am fancy free and footloose I want to make sure before I die and become worm food, I attend a reggae concert, especially this one. Coz Tarrus Riley is just awesome like that.

I promise I will be in my best behaviour and I swear I won’t throw my knickers on stage. I won’t flash my boobs at the performers on stage. Heck I will even dust and wear my old heels which have gathered dust at the back of the closet. I promise not take a toke of cannabis even if am offered one by what’s-his-face. I won’t even try to proposition you and will keep my hands to my self and my thoughts pure. You can even bring a friend to make sure nothing untoward happens. I don’t even need the VIP tickets, am willing to sit anywhere where I will see some of Tarrus Riley action. I take plastic, cheques, M-pesa etc whichever way I can gerrit. Beggars can’t be choosers now, can they? I’m not even afraid of the rumours that reggae fans are an acquired taste. I really want to go and I won’t be discouraged by the naysayers. Since am a teetotaller, I will even carry my own water or drink between my legs past the guard at the gate. I will do any thing...I will wash your car, laundry or dishes, baby sit for a week, you name it. I should have you know I never welch on any promises I make and will definitely keep my end of the deal.

I know you are wondering where my input in all this is. Well I need to get me a good weave and contacts. There is no way am going with my glasses. Anything for my Tarrus (yes we are on a first name basis now). I just wanna give him some of my vintage love. LOL! Nothing is too good for my Riley. Oh Riley don’t you just love the way his name rolls down the tongue easy?

Please somebody hook this sister up with the concert tickets! Pretty please! *fingers crossed*

Ps. you can throw in season 5 of true Blood. I can’t seem to get any bootlegs in this esto. Or am pushing it? Ok jaber Focus*slaps self* lets get the ticket first.

The honeymoon and the happy ever after

You didn’t think I was through now did you? Clearly you do not know me... AT ALL!

So after we leave the reception, me and Mr. Wonderful will wear our leather pant and jackets, fingerless glove and boots then get on a motorbike and take a ride to the coast, that is after we have gotten matching tattoos.

Relax people…I haven’t lost my marbles…yet! I’m kidding. We will fly to the Kenyan coast and check in to a hotel next to a beach (obviously). If the budget allows we might just go outside Kenya; any where with sandy beaches (sand so fine as talcum powder) with breathtaking views of the turquoise ocean- 

don’t really care where as long as am with my soul mate! We wouldn’t pack much seeing as where we are going we wouldn’t need much clothes*wink*. The only thing we will be wearing are smiles, cologne (optional of course, they can be overbearing sometimes), our wedding rings and of course our hearts on our sleeves.lol.

Ok maybe even one or six freakum dresses (remember Beyonce’s song with the same name) you know… to spice things up!

We would frolic in the sand like a couple of kids and go skinny dipping. Maybe even get sand stuck in our toes, backs…everywhere including places where the sun don’t shine and I’m not talking about the mokonyo …tihihihi! If there are hammocks we would lie side by side as he reads me Pablo Neruda’s love poems or any other poem. (I don’t discriminate). Us poets we are one big happy family!

He would tell me how I complete him…

He would tell me how he could be anywhere else but he’d rather be with me…

My beloved would be mine… and his desire would be towards me …

(Ok I stole some of this from the book of Songs of Solomon chapter 7 something; what are you going to do? tweet king Solomon? *hides*

Come back Vicky *slaps self*

I’m thinking a place which looks more like the setting in most Reggae music videos.

(When I was young I always thought that Reggae artists come from a country shaped like a donut with water all over and that’s why all their music videos are normally near the beach. I used to wonder whether they had hotels or stadiums).

We would then order room service and lie next to each other like Shakira does with what’s-his-face in the music video for the song “Gypsy”. (That video kills me every time). They look so sensual and not in a lewd way (at least for the first part of the music video). We would then share our secrets, scars and tattoos!

Maybe I will even do a little strut in the hotel lobby like she does in the video seeing as I would have…wait…

( my kids might read this someday and think their mama has glass heels in the closet and has spent too much time on her back looking at the ceiling*if you know what I mean*).

One thing for sure though I will have this glow on my face which you do not get from a cold shower or having a facial *wink twice*

If we are broke we will check in the Kenyan BnB, as in, bed-and-be-gone. They give you the bed but not the breakfast. They do not have breakfast in the package and check out time is as early as eight because they want to make room for “day scholars” who want to have secret tryst in the hotel.

So I and the husband will go back home and enjoy what life has to offer. We would save up and travel all over the world…

…go up Christ the redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro maybe even get beauty secrets from their fine Brazilian women, Burj Khalifa in Dubai, go up the Eiffle tower in France and eat shokolat (chocolate- my attempt lame attempt at copying the French accent) and drink some fine wine, visit the imposing Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey. Go to Britain and maybe drink some Tanqueray with Idris Elba, that is if his schedule is not so busy. Don’t forget to go to Amsterdam and smoke some cannabis in their cannabis cafes without fear of being caugh( they still have the weed pass, right?). Kruger national park in S.A would be cool to check out. Visit the land of chocolate, clocks and cheese (Switzerland), and we wouldn’t mind getting fat as we would have ways how to burn calories *wink*. Go to Agra, India and see the magnificent Taj Mahal (wish someone would build me one*dreamer much*) See the sky tower in China and the China wall of course. Go Turks and Caicos and maybe try the conch penis they put in shots. Visit Uncle Sam, see the Madison square garden, the Yankee stadium, the holly wood walk of fame, Brooklyn bridge and the statute of liberty, walk on snow and get me a snow globe as a souvenir (tell me the song by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z song has made you curious about New York? that is, you have never been there)etc.

See all those places I see on brochures, National Geographic, movies and read about in books.

If for some reason I don’t get to go I hope my kids get to go so that I can live vicariously through their lives. I will collect postcards to stare at and think of what it’s like to be out there in the world.

Later on we would check ourselves into an old age home when we retire. We would then share vitamins, pain medicine, reading glasses and dentures. He would hold my hand after my hip replacement surgery and I would hold his. We would dance to some Tracy Chapman song to celebrate our new hips.lol. He would be my soul mate till the grim reaper do us apart! We would have our bodies cremated then mixed with concrete, poured into Indian Ocean to encourage coral growth. That is, assuming Pwani doesn’t attain independence from our ostrich government. Alternatively we will have one pickney, if he insists maybe two. We would then build a family home complete with the white picket fence, porch swing n’sh*t. I would sit in the porch and churn award winning novels every year till my last breathe. 

We would have a dog named Bosco and make sure it’s neutered (I mean puppies are so messy). I will have two heifers named Daisy and Sunshine with lots of sheep and chicken.When entering my compound you will be welcomed by a cocktail of the unique animal dung smell (it’s a farmers thing, you will never understand). I would have a vegetable garden in the kitchen with sukuma wiki, carrots, cabbages and tomatoes. I would definitely have a couple of sunflowers in the compound; those flowers do something to me y’all! I will have some trees then hung some wind chimes complete with the “jeff koinange” bench where I would read awesome books. (Bet you didn’t know I have green fingers!) Then we would chase down a chicken every week both for the exercise and to get dinner. I would proudly tell my guests “dinner is served…I killed it myself this morning and oh while cooking me put my feet in it, so you better like it. bon appétit”.

Aaahhh it will be good times!