Somebody hook this sister up! Pretty please!!!!!!!

I had a very disturbing conversation with my little cousin. She asked me over the weekend if I know a singer called Popcorn so I go,

“There is a singer called popcorn?”

 “No it’s not popcorn”, she shrilled. “

Then she proceeds to spell it out for me,”its P-O-P-C-A-A-N!” And am thinking a musician named after one of my favourite snacks can’t be that bad. She even tried to show me a few dancing moves, but my body ain’t as supple as it used to be, so i decided to sit this one out. The fact that my cousin is very tall and lanky makes her dancing very amusing to watch. I’m always avuncular around young people; they very are amusing to engage with. Although sometimes they can make you feel old like my cousin does. Yesterday I discovered some white hairs on my head. Grandma says in our family we get white hair early. I can’t wait to have a full crown of white hair. I just hope I look as good as the designer Ann MCreath of Kiko Romeo does with hers.

Anyways I never loved reggae songs. I always thought it was for rebels filled with angst at how evil and way ward the world had become. Full of talks about Marcus Garvey, Haille Sellassie and the eschewing from the blue eyed man (that’s the name they have for Jesus) and the promise by oppressors of the pie in the sky after all the suffering they put them through here on earth. Always calling on Zion to rise up; and running away from somewhere or someone called Babylon. They also spoke funny ...I and I, the Bobo Ashanti, boomba clot (which am made to understand is a cloth used by menstruating women during the visit by the red robot.smh) and lots of other stuff I couldn’t understand. Don’t get me started on the use of cannabis (which they affectionately call Ganja) to cleanse the body, mind and soul and bring them some peace.

Then I “met” the Bob Marley, Lucky Dube, Morgan heritage, Gregory Isaacs, maxi priest and other awesome groups and my opinion changed. I love me some reggae music. They also have some fun songs about love and life plus what I believe they call conscious music. It is not always doom and gloom all the time. I think the reason why the Rastafarian culture which heavily influences reggae music appeals to many people is because of the passion in their voice and lyrics; enjoying life without being too pedantic about everything. My kid sister loves the reggae music and is drawn to the culture. She even has locks, isn’t fuegocassey so adorable???

I suspect she had dreams to gwan meet a Jamaican brother and get fi him some pickneys (me trying to copy the accent). I mean the way she be drooling over singer Konshens’ photo. My cousin insists that the name Konshens is a corruption of the word conscience but I think she is just making up stuff. There is apparently a difference between reggae, raga and riddims which of course I still don’t get but its awesome learning. I also find it difficult to understand their Pidgin English but thankfully my sister is always around to interpret. Besides the modern artists like Alaine, Cecile, Chris, martins, Denyque etc speak sing with very little pidgin in their lyrics.

My sister also tells me that if you have locks it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are Rastafarian. Like our Mau Mau veterans who fought for independence in the forest had them (I mean going to the barbers was the least of their worries when war for independence was at hand) I always assumed all the people who have locks subscribe to the Rastafarian culture, you know like my catholic friends have their spiky rings. One dreadlocked dude once told me they got it from the bible where it was said Samson had 7 locks which they interpreted as locks since you know it couldn’t have been matutas made by lovely Miss Delilah, right!

Personally I don’t own many reggae songs in my play list but I always go through fuegocassey's songs when she comes over. I love me some Alaine, Cecile, Brick and Lace, Allison Hinds, Denyque, Queen Africa, Chris martin, Gyptian, Sean Paul and the very handsome Konshens-he dresses so great with minimal bling/colours; wish some male Kenyan musicians would copy his style. I like Richie Spice too; I just wish he would smile more in his music videos. I think Chipmunk (strange name) is a good rapper and I so feel his lines. I love the black sugar song especially coz you always hear musicians sing for the mocha skin sisters but no one sings for us black sisters.yay! And the way he croons on how he needs more black sugar makes me gwan get on a red eye n do boom boom with the bwoy (my other lame ass attempt at mimicking the accent) I suck! But some of those songs waaaah! Are so libidinous... I tried listening to Busy Signals- read my lips and I couldn’t stop blushing. He was basically saying all the stuff he wants to do to some kitty. Dang! Ninja is not pulling any punches.LOL!

Below are some of my favourite songs:

1. Kings Queen – Richie Spice

2. Brown Skin – “

3. Grooving my girl-  “

4. Butterfly – Gyptian

5. She is royal- Tarrue Riley

6. Golden brown Skin – Peetah Morgan

7. You never find- Jah Cure

8. Ride or die- Cecile

9. When I come home – Morgan heritage

10. Black sugar- Ginja

11. Always on my mind- sean paul

12. Can’t get we out- Morgan heritage

13. Roll it girl- Allison Hinds

14. One in a million- Gramps morgan

15. Bye, bye, bye- Alaine

16. Turn me on- Kevin little

17. Love of a lifetime- Alaine

18. You got me- Morgan heritage

I know you are prolly wondering why am yapping on about reggae and stuff. Well Tarrus Railey is coming to Nairobi to perform at carnivore restaurant on August 11^th and I really, really, want to go see it live.

I love his goatee and glasses, makes him look like a wise old sage almost geekish.Don’t get me started on his little lisp...ooooh! Nyathino onyosa hahahah!

So am looking for sponsors. I have never gone to any Reggae concert and am dying to go to this one. Since now am fancy free and footloose I want to make sure before I die and become worm food, I attend a reggae concert, especially this one. Coz Tarrus Riley is just awesome like that.

I promise I will be in my best behaviour and I swear I won’t throw my knickers on stage. I won’t flash my boobs at the performers on stage. Heck I will even dust and wear my old heels which have gathered dust at the back of the closet. I promise not take a toke of cannabis even if am offered one by what’s-his-face. I won’t even try to proposition you and will keep my hands to my self and my thoughts pure. You can even bring a friend to make sure nothing untoward happens. I don’t even need the VIP tickets, am willing to sit anywhere where I will see some of Tarrus Riley action. I take plastic, cheques, M-pesa etc whichever way I can gerrit. Beggars can’t be choosers now, can they? I’m not even afraid of the rumours that reggae fans are an acquired taste. I really want to go and I won’t be discouraged by the naysayers. Since am a teetotaller, I will even carry my own water or drink between my legs past the guard at the gate. I will do any thing...I will wash your car, laundry or dishes, baby sit for a week, you name it. I should have you know I never welch on any promises I make and will definitely keep my end of the deal.

I know you are wondering where my input in all this is. Well I need to get me a good weave and contacts. There is no way am going with my glasses. Anything for my Tarrus (yes we are on a first name basis now). I just wanna give him some of my vintage love. LOL! Nothing is too good for my Riley. Oh Riley don’t you just love the way his name rolls down the tongue easy?

Please somebody hook this sister up with the concert tickets! Pretty please! *fingers crossed*

Ps. you can throw in season 5 of true Blood. I can’t seem to get any bootlegs in this esto. Or am pushing it? Ok jaber Focus*slaps self* lets get the ticket first.