Yeah I said it! If you don’t like it , go jump in a lake.
Wait...wait…I kid…I joke…where is your sense of humour ninja?
I have been spending a lot of time with my ‘nephews’ (nephews in quotes because they are actually my bffs’ sons, I don’t have any nephews or kids so am living vicariously through my pals’ lives). What comes out very clearly is just how their behaviours are the same as the grown men around me. It made me realize that men never really grow up, they are just tall babies. Men are the same…whether young or old, rich or poor, learned or not etc
Like when my nephew was being bullied by the older boys who took his toys he refused to give me names. Grown men also react the same; they can never tell you anything that’s going on with them. Especially anything that will show them as being weak. I have heard of stories of my friends ‘dads dying in the house because they refused to admit they are sick and go to the hospital. Like we are gong to think less of them if they are sick. Seriously???
I read a quote somewhere that men perform better with an audience. They like being praised and motivated just like my nephew. If he does any thing good he asks me "mbona hujasema good boy?". Whenever i refuse he gets very mad and starts rebelling. I have since learnt the perks of positive reinforcement from him. If you look at most great men, they always have someone cheering them on. Me thinks the reason why most men these days don't deliver is because they got no one cheering them on. They have no reason to do better... because the men are not being cheered on they get to a point they ask themselves why bother? Our pastor always tells the brothers to go where they are celebrated not tolerated!
My neighbour’s daughter came home for half term and my nephew seems quite taken in by this new girl. They spent so much time together, escorting her to the shop and agreeing to eat her food. When it comes to me, I have to follow him around for him to eat. (OK I will admit I was jealous of her). Didn’t know I was so replaceable...left to eat alone, watch cartoon alone. Yes I hate that girl for taking my nephew’s heart away from me. As soon as the schools opened, my nephew was all mine again…in your face heifer! But I know its only temporary, he will find another girl...then another…then another :(. .. now girls does this script sound familiar???
My uncle once told me when you have a baby boy its not good to have him in diapers all day. Some times you need to let his “dudu” breath so that’s what I did with my nephew. This meant that anytime he wants to susu he has to come to me to unzip his trouser after warning me not to hurt his dudu. He always reminds me of this one time his other aunty hurt his dudu with the zip and he had to go to the hospital which his mama also confirmed for me. Its seems their obsession with their joystick starts very early. Now it all makes sense!
He is always going on about what he is going to be when he grows up. Shows me the car he is going to buy…he believes he can be anything he wants to be. Grown men also believe in themselves that am starting to think that it’s ingrained in their DNA.
One day he and his friends made a mistake in the house and no body owned up. I tried, coercion, begging, threatening, third degree treatment…nothing. It’s like they have this pact never to turn on their own. Men carry this believe to their adult years. If a man is cheating on his wife he can rely on his boys to cover and tell you that he is sleeping over.lol. This is one of the traits that irk me the most. That’s why ladies insist that all men are all the same. If he is not cheating he is enabling his friend to. You are what your friends are. The only thing the good guy suffers from is an over active conscious, lack of opportunity and cohones. Its only a matter of time before the good guys starts cheating…only a matter of time before he switches off his conscious and gets his dick on…then we are all screwed(forgive the pun).
I am in good platonic relationships with my male friends and I have noticed they occasionally try to push the envelope…the lingering hugs, the sweet texts, the late night calls, putting up with my crap, listening to my boring stores on their credit, reading my blogs…always waiting for that moment when am vulnerable to make a move.
They are not necessarily bad people, it’s not even about me, it about the ‘pink Cadillac” always has been.
(wish there was a way we could rip it out and let them keep it, like Wanda Sykes said in one of her stand up comedies). The BS that-I want a man to love me for who I am does not count, it will leave you disappointed. Have you ever heard a dude say ”ebu cheki vile Yule dame ako na roho poa” when a girl passes by? Didn’t think so. They will love the body first then the rest of you later (if your are lucky) and not the other way round don’t be deceived. It’s painful to admit but the sooner you admit it to your self sweetheart the easier life will get for you. It’s just how men are wired, that’s all.
An old college buddy recently found me on facebook and was asking me why I never let any boy in our clique dip (yes including him). After all this years, he could still remember his missed opportunities.smh. I remember at my old place of work, we were not allowed to work in the same branch as your love interest especially if you are intending to get married,
(if marriage isn’t your ultimate goal, then your relationship is pointless. Just thought I’d put it out there)
some how they think it will compromise the running of the organization (and I agree). This rule made it easy for me to ward off unwanted advances. Pause.
[I have to confess something first though. Am chicken shit and I never know how to get out of he-wants-to-have-sex-with-me situations with a plan firm no. So most of the times I lie because guys never buy the (I don’t want to) sijiskii excuse or am saving myself for marriage ish, especially if you have engaged in steamy make out session and your body is saying otherwise. So I lie through my teeth...and am a pretty decent liar too.My favourite is my mama is coming over(guys fear good ol mama), its that time of the month(just the thought makes guy cringe/nyira), am on drugs that are drying up the you-know-what…tihihi - am so bad. I get away with most lies…I.e. until I can’t. lol]
So after I quit my job this lovely guy called and told me that since I had left could we pick from where we left off…again I lied and I wont tell you the lie because you will think less of me than you already do and I don’t want that. I don’t know which is worse , the lie or the fact that he believed me!
Anyways so where was I…yes on the good guy (the very few left). Eventually they get corrupted, say your room mate is always bringing home girls and they have a third wheel…guess what it will be your duty to entertain the third wheel and if she is easy chances are high that you will dip. I normally equate men’s thirst for sex like the fictitious vampires desire for blood. Am not saying men are vampires but you get my drift… A man can never get enough of riding the ‘pink Cadillac’. If you watch the vampire movies even the good vampires sometimes end up biting someone and feeling guilty afterwards.A lady was telling me that when a guy asks for sex she feels as if they think she is bad/easy, again its never about you. When the vampire wants blood, he don't care who he gets it from- they don't go like oh, lets go find some girl with a bad personality and drain her blood(i hope you see where i am going with this)
A study was done and most men admitted to have either raped a woman or tried to force her to have sex. I have heard horror stories of other chiqs’ ‘first time’ and they all sound like rape to me. Lke this one chiq whose beau had her in a half nelson(or was it quarter or full nelson cant remember) in the boudoir. I am made to understand this is done in wrestling. Now how in the (name of anything sacred) do you put the love of your life, future wife and mother of your kids in such a position? jahmeni? This other guy was telling us how he put his hand on his girlfriends throat to pin her down because she was resisting but when she started choking that's when he let go. He was actually amused when he was telling these stories. I was so mad I read him the riot act and he apologized. He was describing rape and all the other men in the room didn’t see why I was getting all hot under the collar. Some other dude was saying how the only reason a chiq should come over his house was to ride the joystick as his house is not a Bed and Breakfast joint…VAMPIRE!!! These vampires…sorry these young lads get carried away and forget that the pink Cadillac need some oiling before it goes out for a ride. This further proves my theory about men vs vampires. Women always blame themselves when a man cheats or others blame them for not “taking care” of their man. It’s never about the woman most of the time. Have friend who keeps on cheating on his fiancee, I have asked many times what is she not doing right but he says nothing, he doesn’t even know why he does it. He is putting me in a very bad position as I am now guilty by association (my being is enabler)guess am also a vampire too. !
p.s. speaking of vampires I should do a blog about them…mmmmhh…
