my pet peeves

We all got those things that irritate us...

...stuff that make you want to rip out your uterus and hit someone with it(i dont know the male equivalent for this).Please don't tell me or else i will include you in this post and CAPS LOCK your behind.lol.

Here they are:-

1. People who take or touch my stuff without my permission... and that includes my phone,purse, boyfriend, clothes, perfume, books... especially books.I noticed this behaviour where they take your phone go through it and make sure they return it bila credo.There are friends who when i visit i make sure my phone has zero credo...but i shouldn't have to do this.nkt

2. Staying with my ish for so long i have to borrow it back.What gets my goats is when it comes back damaged. Like when they give your book dog ears and the book looks like they were eating their dinner off it...what with all the soup in the pages of the books. seriously!!!!Were you raised by wolves? Use a coaster sweetie.

3. Singing along to songs kwa matatu, supermarket, kanjo toilets etc.i mean do i look like a talent scout? Or those people who have their ear phones on and they are somehow deluded that they're singing is the same as the person singing in their ear.Its like they are asking you to choke them with the earphones wire.

4.People who throw hints instead of saying what they want.I don't catch hints and no am no psychic either.i don't know for the life of me why chiqs do it to me too.i thought its a weapon only used to get men to do for you stuff. Like when you are hungry you keep yawning...i will so ignore you...

Don't get me started on the men who ask for booty call with hints ati "come home nko pekee yangu tuwatch movie"...and when i come over you get your Barry White voice on and start being liberal with your hands.i will cut them off haki ya nani. At least if you give me a heads up i can get another weave on, maybe even wax,bathe,heck wear matching bra and panties...or carry a few paraphernalia to make the day interesting...but to ambush me like that...now that's just wrong!

5. Your mama jokes. How in the (name of anything sacred) did people decide it was ok to make fun of your mama who gave you life?I have never told any "your mama" jokes and i never will and i don't find them funny either.

6. Filling in forms:all my life is consisted of filling in forms: at work, bank,church, hospital...will it ever stop?I hate it so much that i have given our local M-pesa guy my details so that he jazias me and i sign(i hope i won't get him in trouble with good ol bobby.lol. The questions usually range from intrusive to ambiguous, making me feel like i am doing an exam.

7. People with no phone etiquette. If you call me once and i don't pick just send me a text to call you back and i will.But leaving me 10 missed calls and 3Please calls me sasa ni uchokozi.Don't even go to the flasherholics...na kutuma texts ni bob.There are even offers for sending texts at lower rates...subscribe already!

8. No bathroom etiquette. I never knew why women bitched about leaving the toilet seat up until a relative came to live with us and made sure to sprinkle some Uric acid on the toilet seat every time he used it.Good thing we have a latrine outside the house.we let him have the toilet . And those people who finish the last roll of tissue ad don't replace should slap they selves.and those who forget to flash the toilet and allow me to see your body rejects go jump in front of traffic and die already.mschew!

Leaving hair on the sink, soap, bathtub,karae after you shave in my house will make me go homicidal on your ass...and that terrific ring of your scum around the bathtub or karae is not exactly pleasing to the eye..wash that ish genius.

9. Long nails on the pinky fingers on men..yes men am talking to you...the leaving the label on the suits, the shiny pointed (mwalimu jini) shoes...those ridiculous V-necked t shirts showing your hairy man cleavages... the bright coloured skinny jeans...i could go on but let me leave it at that..i feel a migraine coming on.

10. Being possessive of me.As long as my name is not beside yours kwa marriage certificate you do not own me. This not only goes for men but those chiqs who smother me with love and affection. Don't get me wrong, I want you to be there for me ...and yes also want you to be here for me (sometimes), but at some point your going to have to go back to your life...I cant be your everything..you need the Holyghost to go with you everywhere, not me.please i beg o.

I once let some girl crush at my place and we'd leave in the morning and then she'd call me after an hour to check how was doing.Yes i threw her out after one week...you cant police me like that.
when we go to a party please mingle don't follow me every where either physically or with your eyes...that's just creepy... and when i want to go out and you don't please don't guilt trip me into staying with you because if you do i may not come back after the party.

...to be continued...