King of the Jungle my *ss

I love tripe (matumbo for some of you). I especially love the fact that my kid bro hates matumbo or any food that squishes in the mouth from avocadoes to fatty meat. The more for me! I was talking to my bff and she told me she doesn’t eat matumbo too. According to her it has no nutritional value and it looks weird on the plate. I wasn’t really tryna hear her bad mouth the mouthwatering matumbo until she added- besides even lions do not eat matumbo. O.O She basically implied that even the lion was clever than me for not eating matumb. Gah!

This got me curious about the lion so I decided to read up on the interesting creature and what I found out shocked my duodenum. I think you better sit down for this. First of all I don’t understand how the lion came to be called the king of the jungle. It’s the second largest animal in the cat family after the Tiger. I mean they couldn’t just declare the Tiger the king? What got my goats is that the lion doesn’t even live in the jungle; it leaves in the plains and grasslands!

Wait! It gets worse. The lion doesn’t even hunt that much! The Lioness does all the hunting in the pack. The lazy *ss lion sleeps between 16-20hrs. It spends ¾ of its life just sleeping away while the poor lioness slaves away. Now if the lioness takes too long to bring his dinner, the lion is known to steal food from other animals such as the hyena and leopard. One of its hunting tactics is to literally bitch slap the prey. Apparently it has huge paws that deliver a blow which can break the zebra’s back.  It couldn’t be bothered to run after no prey. Aint nobody got time for that!

Now even after the lion has gotten its meal either by stealing or waiting for the lioness to hunt it doesn’t even chew its food. It swallows the meat pieces in chunks. Chewing food is for the birds (wait does the bird chew its food?) whatever! The lion doesn’t even let the fragile cubs go first. After the lioness has brought the prey, he has to go first then the lioness then the cubs that will then leave the rest to the scavengers (eg hyenas, vultures). The lion eats the best parts too like the heart, kidneys and liver. Only the best,  for the king of the jungle.

During the mating season the lion and the lioness will often go without food for sometime. I thought being the king; he would know how toA multitask or at least keep his female in check. But that would be too much to ask of the king of the jungle. It has been observed that when the lioness is on heat it will mate with more that one male. I knew the lioness was sneaky, hunting for the cubby daddy (lion equivalent ofbabby daddy)so he doesn’t know she is doing the dirty out there. Do your thing lioness, I ain’t mad at you gurl.lol

You would think with all the sleeping the lion does it would have some latent energy for future hunts but alas! When the lion walks his heel does not touch the ground; it gets its swag on y’all! Like he is too cool to walk on the dirt! Now to mark his territory, the lion will go pissing all over the place so that the other strange lions know what is up!

You know I thought the lion being the king of the jungle and all, it wasn’t afraid of anything. Would you believe the greatest threat to the lion is… wait for…it- the PORCUPINE! So much for the king of the jungle. 

Look at him!Looking all debonair nshit! nkt!