Now the first time I heard about Ceelo Green (real name Thomas Decarlo Callaway) was when he featured in the B.E.P song like that. And true to its name I really liked that.lol. The next time was when he sang crazy with his Dj friend Danger Mouse (real name Brian Joseph Burton) and I immediately fell in like. The song received a lot of airplay especially in Kenya which is cool considering how unique and different it was (still is). Then I heard the song F*ck you (edited to Forget You for radio airplay) and I became a true loyal fan. Ceelo Greene completes me! A little birdie told me the song was to be initially done by Bruno Mars but it somehow ended in his hands ... and boy did he do it justice.
And any guy who can pull off pink is fine by me.
Ladies doesn't he look pretty in pink???
Then he done did a concert and featured an all female band and the feminist in me leapt in joy and I fell in love all over again. This man rocks! They dont make them like this anymore. This ninja sings like he means it. In this video he even tells the audience F U and everyine is screaming their lungs out in joy. Like when James brown used to make even non-African Americans(can I say that?) scream," I'm black and proud". But dont just take my word for it, have a listen to the song below. Your welcome!
Suits rock. No, not the TV series, I mean the one you put on your body to make you look and feel like a million bucks. suits are the ish!I do not care what nobody says. There is nothing stuffy or mainstream about suits. It is not a conspiracy by the clothing factories or fashion designers to take your money. Suits make people feel good about themselves, gives them that extra bit of confidence. When you wear a suit, more often than not you gain instant acceptance and credibility. Legal representatives are known to recommend their clients on trial to wear suits when going to court to get a favourable outcome from the members of the jury. Politicians usually wear then as it reeks of affluence and good taste.people going for interviews are also advised to wear them! Surely, this can only mean that there is something unique about these suits.
I know some say the clothes don't make a man but when it comes to the suit, I have a different opinion. God bless his cotton socks, the man who invented suits, that is. It's the best thing since the lube and yes sliced bread. When you wear perfectly tailored suits, sio zile za river road, it sends a message that you are competent and professional. It commands and projects respect in any situation. I can't tell you how many times I have had "the governor inspector moments" all because I was wearing a good suit. true story!
I must confess, that what made me start listening to the rapper Pit bull was his perfectly tailored suit. Suddenly all his lines sound intelligent. Even if he don't promise me tomorrow but he promises me tonight, I will take it. He is welcome to put milk in my cocoa anytime.lol
I know you will all deny it but part of the reason why you all listen to Mr. Mutahi Ngunyi, that is apart from his wealth of experience in politics, is the suit. Whenever you see him ensconced in "the bench" you stop what you are doing. Personally I usually loro dho jiko if I'm cooking (loosely translated- switch off the cooker) and listen. Nowadays I look forward to his features in TV and hang on his every word. I can choose him over horoscopes and the weather forecast team any day. Forget the gypsy and her tarot cards, forget the crystal balls too, Mr. Mutahi is the man to listen to. I especially love his burgundy cravat, it makes him look so rrrr...
The only reason why I even bothered to watch the TV series white collar, how I met Your Mother and life is because of the characters who wore suits. There is a reason why the writers decided to go with the suit, it was no accident.
The reason why our gals love naija boys and other foreigners is that boy can they wear a suit. It's all in the suit. If you do not believe me next time you go out wear a suit and see if the ladies do not cream da knickers. Suits show that you are intelligent, in control and confident. It says you mean business and suddenly everything you say somehow sound more intelligent. I shit you not! to prove that am not just making stuff up, next time go to a function with a suit and see how differently people treat you then get back to me.
I know what some of you are thinking. You must be a duffer to need a piece of clothing to give you confidence. If you think that you either do not have a perfectly tailored suit in your closet or you are ... (insert an offensive word here) Bet you didn't know what different types of suits mean to but don't worry Thomas, I will tell you and then maybe then you will go out and get one.
Imagine my
shock and horror when I heard on the news a few days ago that the suicide cases
that has been reported all over the country this year involve young people. Why
(in the name of anything sacred) would a young person want to end it all when
they haven’t even begun living?
We have all
had those days that the world has got us by the balls and it keeps on squeezing
just for kicks. And we just can’t seem to catch a break. It’s axiomatic that
life is not always easy. I will be the first to admit that I have had those
days described by Robbie Williams in his song feel- I don’t wanna die but I ain’t keen on living either. Or like Sam
Cooke said in change is gonna come-
It’s been too hard living but am afraid to die, cause I don’t know what’s up
there beyond the sky. Or as Eminem says in Roman’s
revenge – Life is hard… I swear to… life is a dumb B*t*h… with fake tits…tight
top... just spit in my f-ing face and called me a (insert a dirty word here)
But I have
never once considered ending it all. Now I have four reasons for going on…
For one, a
suicide attempt can back fire and you end up in sing sing eating bad food and
being raped by what’s-his-face. You might also get interrupted and then you
will have to explain exactly what is bothering you. In my native luo home if
you were found trying to yourself, the remedy is to literally beat the devil out
of you with a nice thick stick to exorcise the suicide demon. True story, if
you don’t believe me you better ask somebody. Or you shit yourself and people
have to come find you reeking of effluvia and God knows what else. You will
even be more depressed like this blogger describes in a previous post since you suck at living and
dying, so to speak. If you thought your life sucks balls, you will then realize
that down has a basement.
If you kill
yourself, you will leave your loved ones in a lot of pain. As much as you do
not value your life, there are some people who will actually be broken up when
you die. If you do not want to live for yourself then do it for them. I’m lucky
to have friends and family who think I’m the best thing since Mpesa and sliced
bread. I can’t imagine ever ending it all and having to see them suffer. My
loved ones give me strength to go on even when I don’t know that I can.
Three, I’m a
Christian and the good book says ’ thou shalt not kill’. That of course
includes yourself. I know you want to imagine you belong to yourself and you
can do whatever you want right? Nope wrong! You will burn to crisp in Hades
when you commit suicide.
Now the real
reason why I won’t want to push daises anytime soon is that my bucket list is
so long that I haven’t even begun to exhaust it. I have nephews and nieces who I
can’t wait to spoil rotten. I always imagine what they will be when they grow
up. What they will do, will they love books? and movies?… am so excited about
watching them grow that I can’t wait for the years to go by quickly.
I have to
date a younger man and live out my peter pan and Wendy fantasy. I have to date
a married man and get double bitch slapped by an irate wife. I haven’t even
fallen in love and gotten symptoms like Florentino in the book lovein the time of cholera. Be miserable and happy at the same time
while enjoying my “martyrdom.” I’m talking fever, lack of appetite, vomiting kedhno (what’s the English word for this?)
et all.
My Mr. too-damn-good
has to come along and thaw my fort knoxed cold heart. I want to
meet Mr. tall-dark –and-dangerous fall madly in love like bonny and clyde and hide
his whereabouts when the cops come for his criminal behind. And write bad poetry
to encourage myself when I am in the prison cell waiting for mama to come pay my
bail.
I want to
date a politician Lewinsky style and get hated by the citizens. Maybe I will
even write a Memoir – I can see the title now My dalliance with Mheshimiwa (has a nice ring to it, don’t you
think?) I will become notorious. I will
be blogged about. I will be invited for talk shows- woman without limits ( no
pun intended, I swear!), Patricia Amira show, Sebuleni etc. I will sign on people’s
chest and become an inspiration for all the bad gyals all over the country.
Maybe I will finally graduate from the shallow end to the deep end and stop disappointing my
swimming buddies.Or finally go
to Washington DC and sit on Lincoln’s lap. Go to Italy and sip on white wine. I
have to go to Aruba and sunbathe while drinking those drinks with tiny
umbrellas. Go to dinner where the food is too pretty to eat and the patrons are
too polite to stare. Go to a nudist beach and finally get an even skin tone
from sitting in the sun. Finally I can get all the ladies off my back. Always
asking me gay-ass questions in the changing room about how come my body is
lighter than my face. Smh.
Maybe I’ll even
get a tattoo which I will regret later then have it removed to stop from
scaring the kids in the pool. Alternatively I will have the skin from my
gluteus maximus grafted on my tattoo to hide it. Lawd! So many mistakes to make so little time.
lol.
I’m saving up for laser eye surgery
to cure my myopia so that I can finally get to know what it feels like not to
wear prescription glasses. Jaber3000 has got layers like an onion people, which
are yet to be peeled. Now think about all the things you will be missing young people if you
died before the grim reaper comes for you mmmhhh!
Ps. please
try out the new Del Monte- pink guava flavor. It is to die for y’all. And no
they didn’t pay me to advertize. I swear it hits the spot. It explodes in your
mouth and is like a symphony in your stomach jowadwa. Then when you take it with digestive biscuits it is like
copulation…wolololo…mayie denda. If
you are feeling down, go get some… juice I mean! Yes, you are welcome
