on having babies

Babies are cute. Babies are lovely. Almost every woman at one time has thought of having one. I have read a couple of blogs where a couple of young girls reckon they don’t want children, not now, not ever. I am never really worried because most of them later will have a change of heart, I can bet my life on it. 

 

There is something about babies that changes a woman. I have literally watched wild girls mellow after they get children. They discover that they have the capability to be responsible for another life other than their own. They are happy to have someone in their life that they love more than they love themselves. 

 

Most of the friends I have who are single are afraid of getting married because of the increasing divorce rate. My biggest fear is actually not being able to have children. It is one of the worst things to ever happen to a woman. There are many examples in the Bible like Rachel who told her husband “Give me a child or I will die” (Genesis 30:2). Imagine…someone threatening to die if she doesn’t get a baby. There is also Hannah (1 Samuel 1:1-17) who was so desperate for a baby that the Bible describes her as having ‘Bitterness of the soul”. There is bitterness and there is bitterness of the soul which comes about with being really miserable to the core of your being. Even Eli who was at the temple where she was praying thought she was drunk because she spoke in her heart: only her lips moved but no sound. The bible also says she even refused to eat (1 Samuel 1:8) that her husband who really loved her more than the other wife and did not hide it had to ask “am not I better to thee than ten sons?” But later when the priest promised her that she would soon get a child, the Bible says – the woman went her way and did eat, and her countenance (face) was no more sad- What a transformation! Abraham’s wife was also barren and thought her maid (Hagar) could give her a baby but she became jealous as soon as the baby came. 

 

These are just but a few examples at how bad a woman can want to have a baby and the lengths she will be willing to go to get it. We have heard of women stealing babies and even consulting witch craft. Some dubious preachers have even made a kill manipulating women who are barren. That’s just how badly a woman can want to have a child. It really is a big deal that young girls don’t seem to understand. I used to wonder why people who live in slums and are poor keep having babies despite the fact that there are clinics offering free family planning services besides they can’t even afford to take proper care of the children. Now that I have friends having children and seeing the joy children bring it all makes sense. When you have a young child there is so much joy and happiness that only a mother who has had a baby can understand. I remember reading on Caroline Mutoko’s fan page when she adopted her baby Theodore and I couldn’t help but be pissed at all the vitriol people where spreading all over the comment section. Some even had the gull to comment on the poor child’s photo just hateful stuff. Smh! What even depressed me more was when even women got on the hate bandwagon…seriously!!! When men were nasty I didn’t mind so much but when a fellow woman did, it was just down right nasty. I don’t see anything wrong with adopting a baby. Personally if I find out that am barren I will definitely adopt one in a heart beat. You can love an adopted baby just as you can love your own if not more. I would rather have a child adopted than have them raised in the orphanages where they are so many that it is hard to give them one-on-one attention. I have seen people give birth to children who they treat so badly that you wouldn’t know they are their flesh and blood. Theodore is really better off with Caroline as she can take good care of her and give her opportunities which most people can only dream about. Let’s say Caroline can’t have kids of her own (am not saying she can’t) but let’s say it was not possible, do you know how those comments are hurtful? I mean people get married to people who they are not related to and can love them with their all, why is it any different when it comes to loving an adopted child? 

 

If you do not have a child at a certain age, you will be despised by people as they interpret this as being selfish of you. I’m in my late twenties and already am receiving some kind of different treatment from people who don’t understand why at my age I do not have any children. I have also noticed that some of my married friends form cliques where they meet to bond over their having children. I remember one of my single friends telling me how when her pal gave birth everything changed. All their conversations is about her baby and how cute she is. Sometimes she calls to ask for advice and the conversation quickly changes into how her baby is doing. It has reached a point where all her friends avoid her because she just won’t shut up about her bundle of joy. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about talking about your newborn; just don’t bore people with it especially those who don’t have kids. 

 

So ladies, there is nothing wrong with having a baby, it is hard work and all but at the end of it all it is really worth it. All I ask it that don’t rule it out yet! 

 

Ps. There are women who have been called to work in demanding jobs that having a child is not possible (Maybe not every one was meant to have a child) this post is not for you, but you are welcome to read it again.lol