A lady never tells

Someone ate my porridge. Goldilocks ate my porridge. That’s the name I have given this cockroach who has decided to live in my new house rent free. First it was the gecko, now it is the roaches…IS-THERE-NO-END-TO-MY-SUFFERING!

Anyway so today I went to buy some kitungus from this lady’s kiosk (read kayox) and she started telling me how some dude did I don’t know what. I didn’t get the memo telling me that it was o.k. for her to start telling me personal stuff. When our relationship graduated from the weather talk to what-he-said conversations is still a mystery. This is what I get for striking conversation with strange women. I always promise myself to always mind my own business but I can’t stop myself...I always have to talk to strange people…sigh!

I love ladies. I really do. But you all just need to slow down with the information sharing a wee bit! Some ladies are just too revealing. They will tell you what they have in the bank account, what their house cost, this big deal they made in their businesses, the new car they bought, their menses and even about their man. The property he owns and his bank account balance. This is why men get robbed sometimes because of their loud-mouthed girlfriends. Some men also don’t tell their wives about their business ventures because of this same reason. They make it so easy to steal their man. They will even tell you how good he is in the boudoir and you can’t help but wonder what he taste like.lol (I am talking about you, you know who you are!)

This is one of the reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. When they fall in love they go around telling everybody even before the relationship has become stable. Within no time they are uploading photos on Facebook, twitter, MySpace all over the place. They save the man’s name on their phone as hubby. Their wall paper is the man’s face. Soon they start going around telling anyone who will listen how good they have it with their man. They start thinking wedding, the swing on the porch, picket fences, family dog etc and scare the guy away.

When everything starts going wrong and the cracks starts to show, they don’t want people to know they have failed in yet another relationship. They grovel and struggle to stay in the relationship to keep appearances. If all fails they are forced to close their Facebook accounts and go whining in their blogs about how men ain’t shit. Unless the ring is on your finger boo boo please slow down on the information sharing and spare yourself some embarrassing moments.

Men have the code of a gentle man never tells. I think ladies we should use this code too to help curb the problem of spreading TMI. I remember some dude was so curious about my life he went snooping around and came up with nothing. He then started spreading rumors about me saying how I was a pretender blah blah blah. I am not a pretender, I just like keeping my private life private –it’s easier that way. I even choose my close friends depending on how well they can keep secrets. If I tell you something and it comes back to my ears- it’s over. Although of course you will never know it. I will not be free around you and the stuff I will say around you will be just general.

My siblings have passwords to all my social networks because I have nothing to hide. All the messages on my phone are “safe”. I don’t even keep journals or diaries. All my secrets are on the tablet of my mind- where they are safe. I have watched enough whodunit movies to know how this stuff incriminates people in crimes. They have caused divorces, murder, broken friendships etc. All because people insist on dishing out sensitive information in the spirit of sharing!

A lady never tells. At least that’s what I think. People need not know everything.Have an aura of mystery about you. Let people wonder what you are all about sometimes. This especially goes to married women. You need to keep mum about your family personal stuff. Your children and husband need to be able to trust you with their secrets. If your family realizes how much you care enough to hide their flaws they will be more willing to confide in you.

One of my close friends is married and I don’t know her husbands secrets. To me he is a good guy; she hides his flaws so well that to me he is super man. This way I am able to respect him whenever we meet. But when one lady who keeps saying how her man is a dog, you will notice how badly your girlfriends and family treat him like shit. I remember some comedian joking how this lady shouted to her man “Next time you want to kill yourself, don’t call me”. His secret was coming back to haunt him.

While we are still on the subject, see ladies how you like keeping memorabilia and shit from old flames! STOP! Go get rid of all of them because they do nothing but hold you back. Not letting go of the past holds you prisoner and you can’t go forward. That’s what killed Lot’s wife in the good book- I wonder who licked her to confirm that her statue was indeed salt?

Ok- I will stop now. Sorry my fellow Christians…was just thinking out loud.
Ta ta