who is your daddy?

...Mother's baby, father maybe...

Ladies and gentlemen am going to tell you something every parent should tell their kids in this century. Never, ever, ever, ever ask any body the above question.yes. 'who is your daddy' unless you are married to that person and she is of the female persuasion and you are engaging in some "senior relations".

Let me give you a short(read long) story before i get back to this.
You see as an old spinster, most of my friends are either engaged, married or are with child right now as we speak. So one day i decided to accompany one of my BFF's to the Department of Registry of births and Deaths(cant remember the right word) #blondealert. The queue was long... the office had no windows...we were so close to each other we exchanged epithelials... the guard at the customers desk kept shoving us around to get us into our queues.

Anyway we managed to finish everything by three in the afternoon after going in at 10am. At least it was not as bad as in KRA. When we came back the next day, the geniuses as gotten the name of the baby wrong. I know there's a difference between 'Wanjiru' and 'Wanjiku'. So we were sent to another room for corrections and the lady told us to wait. Me being the moshene that i am struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. Apparently they had written 'BRAIN' instead of 'BRIAN'. who does that? only in Kenya people! only in Kenya! So i craned my neck to look at the father's section and i saw this XXXXXXX. Again me and my big mouth shouted, "those people have gotten the name of the father wrong too". I would have gone on if my pal hadn't pinched me on my thigh to remind me to shut it. Later on i was told that's what they do when the girl refuses to give up the sperm donors name. really? how about NON APPLICABLE? MIA? ZERO? NADA? I dunno something more interesting.

So see people never ask anyone about their fathers as there are alot of people being raised by single mothers and where there's a father, most of the time he is there but never really there...you get what i mean?

I remember during my teaching practice i worked with this guy who was always in chaos. No chalks, lesson plans always missing...always confused until one day i went cold turkey on his ass. He later shared with me how when he was young his mother got married so many times, he changed his last name so many times that he forgot what his first last name was. He tells me his real dad's face is now a blur. Whenever his mama had an argument with the new father they would run with their little belongings in the a plastic bag until his mama falls in love again. All this story i got to know all because i just had to open my big mouth and ask "who is your daddy"

A few days again i was joking to some guy that its about time he took me home to see his parents. This is how the small conversation went...

Him: I cant
Me: Can't or Won't?
Him: i just cant.
Me: why? am i not good enough for your parents?
Him: er ...they are dead.

...awkward silence...

Now i have promised my self to never ever ask any body about their fathers unless they volunteer and i would advice you to do the same. Some of the stories are gut wrenching i tell you.
ta ta
ta ta lovely people