the old virgin

So i have gone through many blogs and i have noticed a pattern with female bloggers. Almost all of them talk about virginity at some point. Its very amusing how some pretend that its not a big deal and yet its in their blog.

The hand typeth what the heart if full of(i made that up, ok i stole some quote and rephrased it.sue me)

virginity and sex in general is a big deal for women.It happens inside them... I love what someone said

the sheet duel is more meaningful to women as it takes place in them.

Personally i think its because the distance from the uterus is shorter than the distance from the heart to the you-know-what.lol.But seriously though it really is a big deal for chiqs because once you cross that bridge there's no turning back. Don't believe the secondary-virginity bs they try to sell you. Once the hymen is gone, i'd rather the term you use here celibacy.Don't forget the fact that it will hurt af.An the excited lad has no idea the "damage" he is doing down there.

Anyway today i want to purposely talk about the older virgins. People above the age of twenty five and are still walking around with the hymen. If you thought being a virgin was bad, try walking in the shoes of an old virgin. Its really tight.

...the pun so intended...

First there's always the question on when to whip out the information when on a date. Do you say on the first date? second? a month later? What if the other person is not also sure they want to cross that bridge and your timing is off? and then its all awkward!

Then there's the ridiculous questions you have to contend with. Are you sure you are a virgin? What did you do in college? How far have you gone? Will you let me be your first? This is when you think to yourself- does this genius think he is the first man to offer his "services"?

Then it gets worse. The person starts treating you like a child. Remember in RUSH HOUR when Chris Tucker's character thought the "Jackie Chan" couldn't speak English and every time he was addressing him he spoke S-L-O-W-L-Y to make him understand? yep that's what you will be subjected to. They will treat you like you are retarded. Peoole will start to tell you shit like there's a way they can break you without it hurting(as if). Or tell you bs like it hurts when a man doesn't have sex(read blue balls)-its not fatal though, he can deal with it.Somehow its believed that virgins have lower I.Q.s. Which then means when you have sex your I.Q goes up, explains why hoes have Phds lol.

The ninja will start to be annoyingly nice to get you to relax. They will even go to the extent of calling you wifey or introducing you to their family and friends to show you how serious they are. They will give you credit, pay your rent, make impossible promises... anything to look good in your eyes.

They will be willing to hold your hand in public, hold your purse at the club and even hold your hair(read weave) as you mwaura after a wild night out. Some will even try to get you drugged/drunk(roofie anyone?) to help you "loosen up".

Then he will start testing the boundaries, wondering when he is gonna get lucky so that he can go and gloat to his boys. Make out sessions will turn into war(now you know what Jordin sparks meant by why is love a battle field). Always having to turn ninja when his hands starts sliding down. Can even generate into you having a vice like grip of his prying hands as he tries to go to third base (or is it forth?)The relationship is then going to be reduced to ways-of-how-to-get-you-to-bed. Its all you will think about. Eventually he wears you down and you walk on. I mean you have said no so many times, its now a reflex. You don't even think about it. After all that boat is already sailed along time ago.

Then the games begin the sulking(projecting), snapping at you due to pent up sexual frustration. You have to contend with unreturned phone calls, a second date is out of question. Men will be running away from you like you have leprosy. It sometimes get to you because you are feeling left out and you get tired of loosing the men in your life over some membrane. If you are lucky, very very lucky you might just find that tame vampire to wife you.But its a very long shot, you need faith, the kind that can move mountains- am talking Mt. Everest.

If you thought the loneliness is bad, the discrimination you will get from some females will break your heart into a thousand pieces.They will laugh at you for not being attractive enough to get some guys attention. They will mock you because you lack opportunity. They will brand you a liar and a pretender. If they see you hanging out with some dude(a kadinya) to be precise, they will brand you a hoe and spread rumours about you.

The funniest thing men will leave you alone and move on to the next...but the women will give you grief for days. What hurts the most, those closest to you who know will be the ones who will be at the fore front spreading the rumours...telling anyone who will care to listen...your classmates, your love interest and surprise surprise even their boyfriends/husbands too(never did understand why though, like you and your man having nothing better to talk about other than another chiq's hymen???) By you choosing virginity they will feel like your rejecting their lifestyle and implying they are hoes. Some chiqs will even give you a timeframe for how far you will go with your "kujifanya fanya holy". So much for women not being their worst enemies!

Then you decide to give in and decided kujiondolea aibu. You start thinking who will you give it to...who deserves it? The answer is no one does, not even you the carrier of the hymen.So you can stop searching. You will try to date and the guy will talk about sex and you feel like he is only with you for the promise of sex(which is true but you don't need to know that) and the cycle will begin all over again. Men love sex, that's how they are wired. For crying out their organs are outside, they can see an feel their need. Every morning when they wake up and as they go to sleep. If you have a problem with that maybe you should consult the person who created them. The best you can do is get some decent guy who you like and is reasonable enough not to hurry you and be prepared for whatever happens after. Whether he will stay with you forever or walk away after the sex has grown old nobody knows(not even him too)so have an opened mind and try not to put the pussy on a a pedestal.lol. Virginity is like money. When money is in your pocket only you know how much it is... It only has value to you. Your neighbour can't feel its worth.

I don't want to paint a bleak picture though. Virginity has its advantages. you can avoid unwanted pregnancies,no need for contraceptives with horrible side effects, you got no emotional traumas, you are able to form deeper relationships with the opposite sex not dependent on sex,Break ups are not as painful to recover from, no risk of cervical cancer,sex addiction, STDs, Hiv/AIDS etc.

Virgins have nothing against the others, problem comes in when they try to convert you which is almost as ridiculous as them getting their virginity back. So for the love of (anything sacred) live the virgins alone and get on with your life.thank you!

If your determined to remain a virgin then you better get a virgin buddy for support, one who will understand what you are going through. You'd be surprised of how many they are still left. One who will give you moral support when you are dumped for the 100th time for not giving up the goods. Drugs and Alcohol which are bound to impair judgement are out of questions. Movies like sex and the city, californication - don't even think about it. Music like Motivation by Kelly Rowland, Redlight special-tlc, is a no-no-no. Mwalimu king'ang'i and Maina Kageni are not you're friend...repeat.Magazines and novels kama za Jackie Collins should be burned on sight. Some of your hoe friends are gonna have to go, especially if they start pressuring you to do the nasty.And whatever you do, don't go around telling people you are a virgin (ask the gay people why.lol.), besides you don't see hoes going around raising their fists and telling people "am a hoe and am proud"... or do you? Try also not to act so"virgin-y" it doesn't look good on you. Be strong and carefree and out going. Be vague when somebody asks you anything about sex, or use jokes and sarcasm to get you out of "sticky situations". A sense of humour will go along way in making your life easier. Always be relaxed and stop walking around like you have something up your kaboose - even if you do.lol.

Last advice- Have sex when you are ready and its your idea. Don't do it when coerced or as a way to keep a guy.Don't do it to be popular or fit in etc. It wont work.Its not worth the heart ache you will go through after having sex for the wrong reasons.Its your body and its your prerogative to choose how you use it. Make sure you make the right choice.

I leave you with one "celibacy song" to start you off in the straight and narrow path if you should so choose.

My Body
Trin-I-Tee 5:7

Who do you think I am? I don't play these games.
Not goin' out like that let me explain
Tryin' to save myself, don't pressure me
My spirit leads me to celibacy.
I have to just be real and I know it's fair
I wanna please my God and I don't care
You can just leave now, but if you stay
There's gonna be no other way.

[CHORUS:]

If this is love then you can take it;
If this is not then don't ya fake it-
[Lyrics from www.EasyLyrics.org]
My body is the Lord's temple,
Don't mess with me ... God's property.
It ain't that bad if you try to see
His perfect will is all that I need
My body is the Lord's temple
Don't mess with me ... God's property.


What part of "no" don't you seem to understand?
I just can't move that fast-- it's not His plan
I'm not ashamed to do what I know is right
His yoke is easy and His burden's light
Momma sat me down and she would say,
"Just trust in the Lord and Him only"
No disrespect but I can't be with you
And try to serve the Lord in honesty too.

[CHORUS:]

My body is God's body.
No it ain't your property.
Jesus died on Calvary,
Just to save someone like me
Who am I to betray His love?
Tell ya what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna pray fo' you
"Just trust in the Lord and Him only"
No disrespect but I can't be with you
And try to serve the Lord in honesty too.

[CHORUS:]

My body is God's body.
No it ain't your property.
Jesus died on Calvary,
Just to save someone like me
Who am I to betray His love?
Tell ya what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna pray fo' you