11. liars, flaky people, inconsistent..-When you say you are going to be there...do just that . If you cant make it tell me early I make alternative plans. If we are meeting in town and your running late or just stuck in traffic please call and say so. If am in town I can go check my mails or pay my utility bills as I wait for you. But keeping me parking in a restaurant for hours forced to buy something to eat which I had not planned is just plain rude. Or those chiqs in abusive relationship, always breaking up with your boyfriend then get to gether then break up etc etc also tick me off. The constant phone calls and crying on the phone and making me cry will wear me out. this list is endless…
12. Chiqs who cant cook and think its progressive. First of all I acknowledge there are girls who come from privileged backgrounds and have always had a maid to wait on them so never learned to cook. Their mamas also don’t know how to cook too.i understand, but I don’t condone it though. My big issue is those chiqs who have been raised in the village, geshagi ndani and then now want to be in the mabarbie class lie they cant cook na kwao they use jiko/ fire wood, shame on you. Don’t be ashamed of your background it’s where you are going that’s most important.
13. criticize my cooking. I rarely cook for people, I only save it for people I really care about. I am no gourmet chef but I am a pretty good cook. So after I have spent an hour or so : cooking up a storm ,enduring the onions in my eyes, unga under my nails to make you warm meal. I get on the table and you start with the soup is not thick enough or the salt is too dry, my chapatti is shapeless..kwani unakula shape? I will cut you…then make you eat it off the table like a dog. Then you will take me to the supermarket where you bought the cohones to diss my cooking.nkt
14.super shy people. Its okay to be shy and all but when the situation demands that you man up and speak up please step up to the plate. If you don’t ask for what you want you will never get anything.
15. people who try too hard to impress me because they are under the illusion that I am smart or something..i don’t know! Don’t get me wrong I don’t know everything and there's something that you know that I don’t know , I am open to learn. But if all our conversation is all about you tryna wow me with what someone aptly put as “pseudo-intelligent bullshit” I will bullshit you back and am very good a liar too. I will make up stories that when you quote else where people will laugh at your plagiarizing ass. I remember this one guy I taught something and he forgot and came back to wow me with it and I was tempted to remind him I taught him that but being the big man that iam I let it slide. I was flattered though, its not every day that people quote me. And those people who name drop all over the place.
"We were in carnivore with Nameless" (translation nameless happened to be n the same restaurant but they never even talked) or taking photos with a celebrity when he/she is not even looking at the camera SHAME,SHAME,SHAME!!!
I have a friend,( ok he is not my friend we just happen to have mutual friends) who has book marked a dictionary in his phone always looking up words that i use to confirm if i use them correctly...sort of like a mobile grammarnazi. Boy do i hate his pompous ass.i have since cut off all communication with him.
16.People who start to say something and then tell you never mind or I wont tell you because you will tell.seriously!!! why start in the first place?
17. touchy-touchy-huggy-huggy-feely-feely people. Those people who are too liberal with their hands. I m sitting and your hand is resting on my thighs…we are walking and your pinky finger is locked with mine… a stray hair(read weave is in my face and you brush it away…why now????
18.asking dumb questions.my favourite is when you at 2.am and ask if I am asleep? Or those spam messages asking questions before selling their products. And this includes Jehovah witnesses, people selling insurance etc
19.trying to extort money from me. Like when I ask my gal out and she comes with a friend who thinks am going to pay her meal too.Do i look like i mint money in my garage? you got nothing that want heifer! I work had to make my money i dont see why someone should try to extort me.when you tell me unaenda ku Lipa stima then I find you in Merica eating buffet..i will cut you
20. Get physical or any kind of physical abusive in a relationship – I can proudly say I have never been hit by a man ever?i have never hit a man but not for lack of trying. I have thrown stuff and they ducked(or is it because I am bad at sports) Its just plain rude..whats so bad that you cant tell me or atleast argue like normal folk.
21. the chain emails asking me to forward or I will die.if you have ever sent me any of these messages please slap yourself. you are dead to me. And how about the person who sends me the message die first. Don't force me to support causes that i cant even confirm their authenticity.
22.spell check kwa computer. I don't really hate it.its love-hate relationship. Like when i want to write ugali it gives me options like ugly.seriously! but i don't hate it as much as i hate the grammarnazi especially those who make more grammatical mistakes than me.
23.bad liars- if theres anything i hate more than liars is bad liars. I am a good liar, if you are going to lie tome u better be creative about it. Go wild. Don't hold back, so that when i catch you atleast i wont be annoyed coz you cared enough to be creative.
24. People who sulk. i am the only person in my life allowed to sulk. if you try this on me i will spin it around n you and redefine sulking. i will pass you on the street and make eye contact and not greet you ndio uone nmekuona na sikusalimi.
25. surprises. i hate surprises, always have, unless f course you have discovered the cure for hiv or cancer then by all means wow me. all the ther suprises kee it y yurself coz i really dont care,
26. Telling me what i was about to do. Scenario one- am carrying a flask in my hand with two cups walking towards you... and you ask me to give you tea. Kwani ulidhani nilikuwa naenda kuwekea nani chai?
27. Hyper sensitive people, especially men. Those people when you kosana with them they apologies and ask you if you can still be friends. That's almost as ridiculous as fighting with your mum and then asking her if you can still be her child. Like you getting that C in maths is going to remove your mothers DNA from your body. If i didnt want to be your friend i would not have cared to fight with you. If i fight with you it means i still care. Don't get me started on those people who block you on twirra... then unblock...then block... you need to make up your mind whether you want to hate me or be friends coz the undecidedness is making me dizzy.
i think ill stop there because am having muscle spasms from all the pent up anger inside me.
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