I have a very tiny waist and a rhinoceros ass. I always get amused when people find me seated and they assume am lean and then I stand up and POW! They get hit by Max- short for Maxine.lol.(that’s what I call my tushy.dont act so surprised, you have names for your phones, vehicles, laptops so why cant I call I call my tushy)
My body started changing early when I was in class five, that by class eight I had my full bootilicious body. Sadly though , my mind couldn’t catch up wit my body. I had grown men giving me grief not knowing that my mind was not yet fully developed as my body and therefore could not appreciate their advances. I literally had to out run some dude in my neighborhood from school so that I couldn’t talk to him, He tortured me for months until he later learnt I was underage (now I understand what Akon and R.Kelly were thinking. You never know that a chiq is underage, some of these young girls have fully developed bodies and sometimes even their mind too)
High school was uneventful, as i went to an all-girls high school, although I remember this one time some chiq asking me how my legs are able to support my big ass. ouch!
Fast forward to college and the torture begun again. I had strangers describe me to their friends..yule manzi anakuwaga na hips kubwa. They forgot my face but never forgot max.lol. It really irritated me to a point that I started wearing those long sweaters to try and hide it.
or like when some chiqs tell me "vicky i love your upper body". Now whats wrong with the rest of my body nkt! ( and don't tell me the-if-i-compliment-your-hair-don't-mean-i-don't-like-your-face argument, i will cut you!)
Don’t get me started on dressing. I have like only two pairs of jeans that fit me. If it fits my waist it wont fit max, if it fits max it wont fit the waist. When it comes to skirts, I have to either go low waist or very high waisted ones never in the middle. I remember when I was living in Mombasa I went to some stall to buy a skirt and this guy asked for my measurements .He then told me that was impossible, so he measured me to confirm and told me to wait. He went out and came back with men from other stalls to come and see my max.i have never felt like a freak like I felt that day. I couldn’t read them the riot act as my “bara Swahili” is challenged.
It has come to a point where I don’t even bother to wear jeans anymore…although I hear in Nairobi they are custom made to fit any body type by a designer whose name escapes me now...if any one has his/her contacts please contact me. thanks.
I also hate when people immediately assume am not wearing any panties because Maxine shakes too much. Thongs are out of the question because things will be all over the place(if you know what I mean).lol. So granny panties it is(sue me). There’s no way in hell am exposing my dear Maxine to being tied down. tihihi. I rarely do heels because they exaggerate my behinds movements. Oh the life of a bootilicious woman!
...and public transportation. I mean who are those seat belts meant for??i rarely get one that fits and when I finally get my seat belt on it cuts circulation from my nether areas. Yo human rights activists..a lil help here…
Dating is also interesting because I attract “ass-men” who are always slapping on max whenever I pass by. Men think is cute when they slap on a random ladies ass but it really is annoying. They should include it somewhere in the law.lol. Hate always having to remind Mr.victorine –my eyes are up here*while pointing my eyes*whats with men and ass any ways???
I asked my brother and he simply told me there’s a reason why tourists come to Kenya to see the big five and visit the Mara and not any where else.(my brother and his analogies) I told him to expound and he told me that the conversation was awkward to have with a sister.nkt
When I started working I realized just how shallow men can be. I get favours because of max(Its sexual harassment when the man wants a payment for the favours.lol) yeah! Yeah!i am a hypocrite, I used max to get things done and fyi I never compromised my dignity if that’s what you are thinking. I mean men are gonna look regardless of what I say so why not get some gravy for this free show?
p.s. I could have uploaded a picture of max , but I don’t want my past to come bite me in the ass(max i.e.)
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