Book review: Inconceivable by ben Elton

This is the saddest funny book Ive ever read in a long time. The book revolves around a couple- Lucy and Sam Bell who have been trying to have a baby for five years. The book has been written in form of a diary where Lucy and Sam are all recording their thoughts in their individual diaries. And of course majority of what they write about is their feelings on trying to get pregnant and all they go through. So we get to see things from a man's point of view then from the woman's.

They have tried everything that has been suggested to them by their friends, family and colleagues. From flavored tea, having sex alfresco on a full moon, aromatherapy (which stinks up the house and gives Sam blocked nose), prayers (although Lucy is agnostic), performing fertility rites complete with chanting and all, massaging nutmeg oil on the crease of Lucy's bum to Lucy sleeping with her bum propped up  to make the sperms swim towards her uterus. They have read and watch all articles on trying to get pregnant. Lucy tapes anything about fertility and cuts articles off newspapers. Although some of the suggestions are ridiculous they just give it a try because everything else hasn't worked out. Its not like it can get any worse.

Readers get to see what couple who are having a hard time get pregnant go through. How they go through heartbreak after heartbreak. Although the book is sad, the author still managed to make it funny as well. You gotta read it to know how it ends. And if you have read any of Ben Elton's works you know the ending is always unpredictable.

When in doubt, wear black!

I remember when I was young I watched the above Grease video and I loved how John Travolta and his love interest were dressed in all black. The way Travolta was gyrating his hips... ayayayai! Then that part where they are in the shake shack thingy...  rrrrr! It got me thinking all sorts of stuff. Forget the stripper pole I needs me a shake shack in the boudoir. I have a hundred and one things I could do in it. 

Stop it Vicky! *slaps self*

Fast forward to the early nineties rapper Ja rule and singer Ashanti did a similar scene in their song mesmerize- I think. Ashanti looked so good in her shiny black thingy- couldn’t stop watching the video. Did you watch the same on glee? Perfect I tell you. And what do they all have in common? They are all in black. And you wanna know why? Because black is timeless guys! Whitney Houston's - I'm your baby tonight. She is wearing black and looking yummy as hell. Oh! Beyonce’s Countdown music video was awesome. Did you see her in black dancing like a marionette! Loved it! If only my child- bearing hips would fit in those black tights I would walk all day like that. Or not!

Just like Lisa Raye love's wearing all white and Janelle Monae be rocking black and white all day, I love my black. Most of my clothes are black. My bed sheets are black- my covers are black. When my mother saw them, she was mortified. She claims that why she ain't got no gran babies because I be scaring away all potential suitors with black bedding. Nothing about black spells sexy she says. But I beg to differ. Black is sexy. Let nobody tell you different. I wanted to buy black sofa sets but my sister claims it would make my house look dull. Poppycock, if you ask me. The only thing stopping me from wearing black now is that I work in a hot town in Homa bay county. The sweltering heat makes wearing black impossible and makes my black T-shirts fade at the back.

You can never go wrong with black. Everyone should have a black something in his or her closet. Black is no longer a preserve for funerals and formal events. Black should therefore not be viewed as depressing.  Black really is beautiful. 

Heck! I should print out T-shirts with this slogan. 

Then maybe I'll get y'all to love wearing black.

 If you haven't started already.

I was shocked to discover that there are so many colours out there and I have a hard time telling them apart. You got cobalt, navy blue, mauve,beige, crimson, tangerine, coral, turquoise, neon etc. But black is universal. Everyone around the world probably owns some piece of clothing in black. You can wear black with everything. You can even wear black on black! How awesome is that? 

Black is slimming. When you wear black, you look smaller and taller too. Black is timeless. It was cool back then and it is still cool to date. Black is not easily stained. What with me being clumsy and all. Black is just black. There is no light black or dark black. If you send someone to buy you something in black chances of them of f-ing it up are pretty slim. Anytime someone is selling me anything I always gotta ask” do you have it in black?” drives my friends bats. So next time you are going out and you don’t know what to wear. Wear black. You will thank me later!

My favourite cry-worthy movies

Ever watched a movie so depressing that it had you slinging snot around crying your tear glands dry?

You know you really don't have to do that to your self but its so beautiful you cant help it. The following movies are the ones that had me get my ugly cry on because they were so friggin sad. I'll mention the part that tug at my heart strings. If you don't cry at least it will give you those balancing tears like pussy in boots kwa shriek. If it doesn't then your cold man. You need to thaw that ice box you call a heart real quick! Don't worry I wont ruin for anyone.

1.Finding never land
When Johnny Depp's character is sitting on a bench and the little boy has balancing tears Nyasachiel I was howling!

2. Never let me go
When the guy gets out of the car and walks away and starts wailing and screaming like a banshee it broke my heart.

3. My sisters keeper
When the mama slapped her daughter. Not cool!
 
4. Sweet November
At the bridge when he tells her to close her eyes as she walks away.

5. Adjustment bureau
where do I start? How about when he sees her through the window. sweet!
 
6. Four colored girls
When Janet Jackson's character sits on the bed telling her no-good man whats what! It convinced me that Janet really is a great actor. Y'all know anything by Tyler Perry is bound to leave you touched as hell. I know guys think is corny but Tyler just has a way with them scripts.
 
7. Diary of a mad black woman 
When she is being dragged through the floor and thrown out. 

8. Daddy's little girls
The part wheree Idris Elba is in an altrercation with whats-his-face and they are playing Sam cooke's Change is gonna come. I cried like a baby

9. Titanic
When he goes to the bottom of the sea.
 
10. Law abiding citizen
What happened to his wife and child. Not cool. And they saw it fit to put it at the beginning of the movie? Not cool! :(
 
11. London
He could say he loved her and when she finally did...
I just get the sniffles thinking about it now.
 
12. Unfaithful 
When he found the gift he bought her at whats-his-name's house. Ouch!

13. Ghost
When he tried to speak to her but couldnt get throught to her because they were both from "different worlds'. I watched this in high school.

14. John Q
When Denzel Washington was crying. How you gonna make my man cry doe! It cut me, it cut me real deep.

BTW ever notice how Kimberly Elise knows how to cry on cue. That woiye struggle cry? e.g in
Diary of a mad black woman, Four colored girls, John Q. In her career I think she's the actress whose lost the mostt tears. There should be an award form that if you ask me!

15. Stepmom
The movie is depressing but the only thing I remember is how he preopossed with strings nshit. It was so romantic and sweet I cried buckets.lol

So next time you are in need of a good cry, find any of these movies and I guarantee you will weep like nobody's bidness. There's something cathartic about crying your eyes out. It gets rid of those negative emotions.

ION- December is here. Happy new month