What rape does to a woman

So many theories have been put forth to explain why some men rape women. From their trying to impress his friends by losing his virginity, he wants to avenge himself against a woman who spurned him or they fear and disrespect women and have this urge to control and dominate them through rape. No matter the sick reason for wanting to hurt a woman this way the fact is that rape is very traumatizing to the survivor.

Maybe if men understood what rape does to women then maybe they would stop when a woman says no. As I told you in a previous post I have never been raped but I have had a friend try to grab me. It really affected me to date I don’t trust men around me. I’m always very wary when I am around them. One friend even noticed how jumpy I am around him and felt bad and told me “Vicky okan bim”. Loosely translated am not an animal (Baboon to be specific). But his assurance doesn’t mean jack especially since statistics show that 85% of rapists are people the woman knows. For a long time I was even scared of smiling at strange men in the streets, wearing trousers or fitting clothes so that I didn’t appear like ”I was asking for it”. Like my friend who made the comment that certain deserve to be raped. Our friendship hasn’t been the same since. I’m very alert around him and I only hung around him when other people around.

If my near-rape-experience scared me like this imagine what it does to those who actually get raped. These women become emotionally scarred and associate men with pain. It is a life-altering event and the survivor suffers a wide range of emotions from shock, disbelief, dismay, insomnia, tension, anxiety, irritable, shame etc.  Rape survivors suffer post-traumatic stress disorder that includes anxiety, memory loss, and obsessive thoughts. They are afraid of going out in public and are anxious about dating. Some women have trouble eating, sleeping and concentrating on their work. Some relieve the rape all over again through nightmares and flash backs. Rape survivors feel shame, dirty, soiled and forever different.

Some women express anger and hostility not only towards the assailant but to other people even those who want to help. They become irritable and blow up at the slightest provocation, sometimes even without provocation. There are even some who become abusers themselves when they grow up. Some victims seek to gain back control by trying to administer justice on their own by hurting the rapists which is not advisable as it may land you in jail. If you seek revenge it may back fire and you find yourself in the same situation again especially if you are not strong physically.

There are even some who still blame themselves for what happened, like it was their fault. If only they would have done this or that differently then it wouldn’t have happened. Some women even end up committing suicide because they just can’t cope with the pain and abuse. Just because the doctor claims “their injuries where minor” it don’t mean that they are over it, far from it!

When a woman gets raped, she feels powerless. You do not even have a say or able to negotiate safe sex or birth control when you are being raped. Some women even get pregnant, STI’s or worse HIV virus as a result of rape and have to live with it for the rest of her life like the character played by Charlize Theron in the Class Action and the character played by Anika Noni Rose in For Colored Girls. Imagine having to deal with all these on top of the trauma that they went through during the rape and the feelings after. Everything is done on the terms of the rapists. It’s all about the rapist and they do not really care about your feelings. It is being done to you. You feel like you are nothing and you do not know what to do. She is no longer the confident woman she used to be. They feel like they have no control over their own person and the rapist proved it. The worse part knows that you will no longer be the same a gain. If your family and friends know they also feel helpless because they cannot help you. They wish they could “fix” you and get back to how you used to be. They want to but there is no way they can take back what happened no matter how hard they try. It will always be this dirty secret that cannot be discussed.

After rape the woman lives in perpetual fear. The fear may weave through all other aspects of their life. Like the world is no longer safe. Like they have no place to craw back to or hide in. If it happened in their homes or office they either quit or move because they fear the perpetrator will come back. When they walk in the streets they keep looking over their shoulders to make sure the attacker isn’t coming again. A woman begins to approach strangers, friends and acquaintances with new caution. In some countries women don’t report their rape ordeal for fear of being treated differently and shame.

Rape is not fun, it is the most brutal and terrorizing act any man can perform on, to, inside a woman. It hurts the woman to the core of her being. Some women end up with injuries ranging from wounds and tearing in their private parts. Younger girls even lose bladder control as they become damaged during the rape ordeal. There are rapists that beat the women or use weapons to subdue them.

It is especially worse for those who report they have been raped. They have to work with men eg doctors, police who will see what have been done to you. They have to ask you inappropriate questions on top of examining and poking around your private parts. Is like having someone remove a band aid and start poking around your wound. Some people will blame you for having not be vigilant enough to prevent it. This can make a woman to start feeling guilty and the rape was her fault (which of course is not true). You will have to go to court and prove that you were raped. It is ever more traumatizing when the attacker is not automatically jailed and walks free. It is painful when the victim feels unbelieved by family and friends they care about. Some, especially lovers may treat you differently, like you have been damaged or spoiled somehow.

Do not be that guy. Do not be the person who hurts women like this. Even if the woman is not killed by the rapist, something inside her dies. Some women never don’t bounce back. Rape is one of the worst forms of violence that can be done to a person. Treat women like you would your sister, mother or the females you care about.

Happy Anniversary

So I just realized as I was about to log off that I stated blogging in July 2011. It is therefore my 2nd bloggiversary. Although I haven't been that faithful these month but I promise to give you the juicy details as to why I have been MIA. Duraammmaaa!!!

the love of meat shall be the death of me!

Gourd! I love meat! I would go to the details about just how much I love it but I think a picture would explain it better, you know seeing as a picture is worth a thousand words and all!!

I didnt even try to get to the next room but ate the bird(read chicken) right there next to the cooking pot. yes! its that serious

I promised fuegocassey that I wouldn't mention her again in my blog after I described her to a T in a previous post. Guess I lied because I am just about to mention her. Its just that she is so interesting you can't help but watch and listen to her talk. She seem to think people are wierd but me thinks she is a wee bit kookoo...in a good way.

I eat almost all kinds of meat, she can't stand eating cooked liver. she reckons that since it removes toxins from blood then some residue must remain in it. she swears everytime she tries to eat it, she can actually feel the metallic taste it has. I think this lass doth protest too much. When yours truly eats cooked liver all I can feel is the flavours just bursting in my mouth. F the metallic taste nshit.

We were trying to think what names we would give ourselves with fuegocassey. if we became strippers ( dont ask) she reckons she would go with Henessy - although I think the moniker fuegocassey would inspire men to put more ndovus ( a thousand bob for some of you) in her stringy knickers. I would call myself diamond, you know seeing as diamonds last forever. but whatever... where was I ... yes meat.

My love of meat got me into trouble last week when I ate so much my skin started breaking out. You would think that would stop yours truly... au contraire!  Anyway here is a post I did a while back on meat from pig. Hope you learn from it, if not I guarantee it will leave you lolling.

ta ta
lovely people