Jo-town why you no like head?

yum

 

First of all, I would like to apologize in advance for always laughing at stuff I shouldn't laugh at in the first place. Ain't nothing as hard as trying to stop yourself from laughing (apart from diarrhoea of course). It is the same problem I get when I'm teaching. I ask a question and the students sometimes come up with the funniest answer and I just about get a heart attack trying to hold in that laughter.

Don't get me started on the awkward questions they ask me ALL.THE.TIME!Like this time we were talking about cancer and I tell the kids that when you have cancer one of the side effects of chemo is your hair falls off and i think your nails turn black or something. Then this kid lifts his hand with this serious face like he is about to say something profound. Then he asks,"You mean all hair falls off, including here? *asks while pointing his crotch*. I just repeated,"All hair including your eyebrows". At this point I have to feign anger to scare the others from asking follow up questions or making dirty jokes. It's cancer for crying out loud.

Let me get back to the story that I wanted to tell you. So this chiq who has lived all her life in town has been posted at a job near our village right! So being the good host that I am, with a big heart like a watermelon, I decide to welcome her.

First we go to this party to celebrate the birth of a new born. And the mama can throw down in the kitchen. She cooks food so good it could make you slap your mama. My friend looooo...ves chicken so you can imagine her joy when she saw some in a hot pot. Here they don't serve food in bowls, they keep them in hot pots which is kinda new to me.

My pal otoko the first helping of the chicken and eats it with glee. She then decides to go for a second helping but then changes her mind and declares that she is full. I don't think much of it seeing as she had already served copious amount of the hapless chicken.

On our way home she is pensive and sort of sad which made me fear that maybe she could be suffering from food poisoning. I then ask her to fungua roho. Then she confesses that when she looked in the bowl she saw chicken head in the bowl. She could've sworn the chicken was looking at her. Imagine that!

Apparently guys outchea don't cook chicken head n feet. They throw them away. Here in the village every part of the chicken is cooked. (Ok apart from the feathers). My friend was pissed because i didn't give her a heads up. Thing is Ive lived for a long time in the village to a point that I'm not surprised at things like finding chicken heads in a bowl. 

At least this mama's chicken was clean. Ive gone to houses where the house girl forgot to clean the sundu properly and served it on my plate which left a taste of shit in my mouth. I dared not spit it out because it would be considered rude.

Now my friend has sworn off chicken (Yay! the more for me ) This was after I explained to her that you gotta eat everything from the wattle to the tongue and all. You should have seen her retching. She argues that chicken poke their beaks in dirt and eat worms. I have seen chicken poke around in cow dung but it hasn't made me love them any less. This must be what true love is all about. You see them eat shit but you still love them to deff.lol. I think her argument about chicken-eat-shit-so-i-cant-eat-the-head-and-feet is total BS. Because I'm pretty sure all that dirt and all that chicken eat is what makes up all the other parts of the chicken like the drum stick n breast bone that people love so much.

 I know I should be sympathetic but nah. I love me some head...chicken head I mean.

Looks so good I wanna cry

Go out and get some chicken head tonight. You wont regret it son!
tata

Book review: Inconceivable by ben Elton

This is the saddest funny book Ive ever read in a long time. The book revolves around a couple- Lucy and Sam Bell who have been trying to have a baby for five years. The book has been written in form of a diary where Lucy and Sam are all recording their thoughts in their individual diaries. And of course majority of what they write about is their feelings on trying to get pregnant and all they go through. So we get to see things from a man's point of view then from the woman's.

They have tried everything that has been suggested to them by their friends, family and colleagues. From flavored tea, having sex alfresco on a full moon, aromatherapy (which stinks up the house and gives Sam blocked nose), prayers (although Lucy is agnostic), performing fertility rites complete with chanting and all, massaging nutmeg oil on the crease of Lucy's bum to Lucy sleeping with her bum propped up  to make the sperms swim towards her uterus. They have read and watch all articles on trying to get pregnant. Lucy tapes anything about fertility and cuts articles off newspapers. Although some of the suggestions are ridiculous they just give it a try because everything else hasn't worked out. Its not like it can get any worse.

Readers get to see what couple who are having a hard time get pregnant go through. How they go through heartbreak after heartbreak. Although the book is sad, the author still managed to make it funny as well. You gotta read it to know how it ends. And if you have read any of Ben Elton's works you know the ending is always unpredictable.

When in doubt, wear black!

I remember when I was young I watched the above Grease video and I loved how John Travolta and his love interest were dressed in all black. The way Travolta was gyrating his hips... ayayayai! Then that part where they are in the shake shack thingy...  rrrrr! It got me thinking all sorts of stuff. Forget the stripper pole I needs me a shake shack in the boudoir. I have a hundred and one things I could do in it. 

Stop it Vicky! *slaps self*

Fast forward to the early nineties rapper Ja rule and singer Ashanti did a similar scene in their song mesmerize- I think. Ashanti looked so good in her shiny black thingy- couldn’t stop watching the video. Did you watch the same on glee? Perfect I tell you. And what do they all have in common? They are all in black. And you wanna know why? Because black is timeless guys! Whitney Houston's - I'm your baby tonight. She is wearing black and looking yummy as hell. Oh! Beyonce’s Countdown music video was awesome. Did you see her in black dancing like a marionette! Loved it! If only my child- bearing hips would fit in those black tights I would walk all day like that. Or not!

Just like Lisa Raye love's wearing all white and Janelle Monae be rocking black and white all day, I love my black. Most of my clothes are black. My bed sheets are black- my covers are black. When my mother saw them, she was mortified. She claims that why she ain't got no gran babies because I be scaring away all potential suitors with black bedding. Nothing about black spells sexy she says. But I beg to differ. Black is sexy. Let nobody tell you different. I wanted to buy black sofa sets but my sister claims it would make my house look dull. Poppycock, if you ask me. The only thing stopping me from wearing black now is that I work in a hot town in Homa bay county. The sweltering heat makes wearing black impossible and makes my black T-shirts fade at the back.

You can never go wrong with black. Everyone should have a black something in his or her closet. Black is no longer a preserve for funerals and formal events. Black should therefore not be viewed as depressing.  Black really is beautiful. 

Heck! I should print out T-shirts with this slogan. 

Then maybe I'll get y'all to love wearing black.

 If you haven't started already.

I was shocked to discover that there are so many colours out there and I have a hard time telling them apart. You got cobalt, navy blue, mauve,beige, crimson, tangerine, coral, turquoise, neon etc. But black is universal. Everyone around the world probably owns some piece of clothing in black. You can wear black with everything. You can even wear black on black! How awesome is that? 

Black is slimming. When you wear black, you look smaller and taller too. Black is timeless. It was cool back then and it is still cool to date. Black is not easily stained. What with me being clumsy and all. Black is just black. There is no light black or dark black. If you send someone to buy you something in black chances of them of f-ing it up are pretty slim. Anytime someone is selling me anything I always gotta ask” do you have it in black?” drives my friends bats. So next time you are going out and you don’t know what to wear. Wear black. You will thank me later!