i know ...i know ...you are tired of listening to me going on and on about vampires but i can't stop myself..is like my fingers are possessed...somebody stop me.Or not! Today i compare vampire's behaviour to bad boy's. For ladies only!!!
They enter the house only when invited
You allowed the bad boy in your life. Don't blame anyone.
Shape shifts into other creators
Notice how he could be gentle and sweet one minute and an ass hole the next minute?
They are sensitive to light, don't come out during the day or take photos
He hates PDA's, never wants to be seen with you in public.sounds familiar?
Has no reflections in the mirror
He leaves and there is no evidence of him being there, no toothbrush, no shirt,nada!
Must sleep on the soil of his native land
Explains why he leaves/or makes you leave before the sun comes up.
Repelled by garlic
He don't want your cooking.He don't want to play house with you!
Hides during the day and are more active at night
Notice how he is always looking for you at night but never during the day.
Repelled by holy symbols: crucifix, rosary or holy water
They are creatures of darkness and most of them don't believe in God coz they think they are gods.
Heightened sense of hearing
Explains why they can discern your moods and know what to say to reel you in.
Vampires are people who died violent deaths
Every bad boy has a bad history of hurt, broken homes, girl who broke his heart..etc
Hate silver
Explains why he don't want to put a ring on it.
Both have breath taking looks and are as sexy as hell
thats why they were able to get your attention in the first place.
When they bite you you become a vamp too
Don't ask me how but once a chick dates a bad boy they become bad too.
They are cold to touch with eyes hollow with no life nor warmth
They don't have souls, thats why they can hurt you without batting an eyelid.
They are strong without working out.Pretty much conquered death and achieved mortality. See how they live on the fast lane coz they think they are gonna live forever.
have powers to control your mind
Thats how they get you to do stuff you would not ordinarily do.
They need blood to survive
Being with him is so draining emotionally and sometimes financially.
Inspires fear in everyone
Explains why you are unable to leave him
Tafakari hayo
ta ta
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Saturday, 3 December 2011
who is your daddy?
...Mother's baby, father maybe...
Ladies and gentlemen am going to tell you something every parent should tell their kids in this century. Never, ever, ever, ever ask any body the above question.yes. 'who is your daddy' unless you are married to that person and she is of the female persuasion and you are engaging in some "senior relations".
Let me give you a short(read long) story before i get back to this.
You see as an old spinster, most of my friends are either engaged, married or are with child right now as we speak. So one day i decided to accompany one of my BFF's to the Department of Registry of births and Deaths(cant remember the right word) #blondealert. The queue was long... the office had no windows...we were so close to each other we exchanged epithelials... the guard at the customers desk kept shoving us around to get us into our queues.
Anyway we managed to finish everything by three in the afternoon after going in at 10am. At least it was not as bad as in KRA. When we came back the next day, the geniuses as gotten the name of the baby wrong. I know there's a difference between 'Wanjiru' and 'Wanjiku'. So we were sent to another room for corrections and the lady told us to wait. Me being the moshene that i am struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. Apparently they had written 'BRAIN' instead of 'BRIAN'. who does that? only in Kenya people! only in Kenya! So i craned my neck to look at the father's section and i saw this XXXXXXX. Again me and my big mouth shouted, "those people have gotten the name of the father wrong too". I would have gone on if my pal hadn't pinched me on my thigh to remind me to shut it. Later on i was told that's what they do when the girl refuses to give up the sperm donors name. really? how about NON APPLICABLE? MIA? ZERO? NADA? I dunno something more interesting.
So see people never ask anyone about their fathers as there are alot of people being raised by single mothers and where there's a father, most of the time he is there but never really there...you get what i mean?
I remember during my teaching practice i worked with this guy who was always in chaos. No chalks, lesson plans always missing...always confused until one day i went cold turkey on his ass. He later shared with me how when he was young his mother got married so many times, he changed his last name so many times that he forgot what his first last name was. He tells me his real dad's face is now a blur. Whenever his mama had an argument with the new father they would run with their little belongings in the a plastic bag until his mama falls in love again. All this story i got to know all because i just had to open my big mouth and ask "who is your daddy"
A few days again i was joking to some guy that its about time he took me home to see his parents. This is how the small conversation went...
Him: I cant
Me: Can't or Won't?
Him: i just cant.
Me: why? am i not good enough for your parents?
Him: er ...they are dead.
...awkward silence...
Now i have promised my self to never ever ask any body about their fathers unless they volunteer and i would advice you to do the same. Some of the stories are gut wrenching i tell you.
ta ta
ta ta lovely people
Ladies and gentlemen am going to tell you something every parent should tell their kids in this century. Never, ever, ever, ever ask any body the above question.yes. 'who is your daddy' unless you are married to that person and she is of the female persuasion and you are engaging in some "senior relations".
Let me give you a short(read long) story before i get back to this.
You see as an old spinster, most of my friends are either engaged, married or are with child right now as we speak. So one day i decided to accompany one of my BFF's to the Department of Registry of births and Deaths(cant remember the right word) #blondealert. The queue was long... the office had no windows...we were so close to each other we exchanged epithelials... the guard at the customers desk kept shoving us around to get us into our queues.
Anyway we managed to finish everything by three in the afternoon after going in at 10am. At least it was not as bad as in KRA. When we came back the next day, the geniuses as gotten the name of the baby wrong. I know there's a difference between 'Wanjiru' and 'Wanjiku'. So we were sent to another room for corrections and the lady told us to wait. Me being the moshene that i am struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. Apparently they had written 'BRAIN' instead of 'BRIAN'. who does that? only in Kenya people! only in Kenya! So i craned my neck to look at the father's section and i saw this XXXXXXX. Again me and my big mouth shouted, "those people have gotten the name of the father wrong too". I would have gone on if my pal hadn't pinched me on my thigh to remind me to shut it. Later on i was told that's what they do when the girl refuses to give up the sperm donors name. really? how about NON APPLICABLE? MIA? ZERO? NADA? I dunno something more interesting.
So see people never ask anyone about their fathers as there are alot of people being raised by single mothers and where there's a father, most of the time he is there but never really there...you get what i mean?
I remember during my teaching practice i worked with this guy who was always in chaos. No chalks, lesson plans always missing...always confused until one day i went cold turkey on his ass. He later shared with me how when he was young his mother got married so many times, he changed his last name so many times that he forgot what his first last name was. He tells me his real dad's face is now a blur. Whenever his mama had an argument with the new father they would run with their little belongings in the a plastic bag until his mama falls in love again. All this story i got to know all because i just had to open my big mouth and ask "who is your daddy"
A few days again i was joking to some guy that its about time he took me home to see his parents. This is how the small conversation went...
Him: I cant
Me: Can't or Won't?
Him: i just cant.
Me: why? am i not good enough for your parents?
Him: er ...they are dead.
...awkward silence...
Now i have promised my self to never ever ask any body about their fathers unless they volunteer and i would advice you to do the same. Some of the stories are gut wrenching i tell you.
ta ta
ta ta lovely people
hello December! we have been expecting you.
Happy new month people! At least i hope it is for you...yours truly has malaria and the flu combined.
...Again cue the violins people...
Right now as i speak i have about 7tablets in front of me staring at me as i gather the courage to ingest them. Find a happy place...Vicky...find a happy place...the tablet is your friend...the tablet is your friend...
I've read the side effects(someone please tell me why i do this to myself?) There's diarrhoea, nausea and vomiting... The wait for it...low sex drive. duh! When you got body rejects coming from both ends i doubt any man would like to be within a radius of 2meters around. You see how they run for cover when the red robot comes? Or how they whiz past the sanitary towels counter like its going to bite them? And of course feeling sexy is the last thing on your mind!
Anyway the sky has not fallen. i will be well.this malaria won't defeat me.I am a malaria survivor. ok now am just being stupid.
goodnight lovely people.
...Again cue the violins people...
Right now as i speak i have about 7tablets in front of me staring at me as i gather the courage to ingest them. Find a happy place...Vicky...find a happy place...the tablet is your friend...the tablet is your friend...
I've read the side effects(someone please tell me why i do this to myself?) There's diarrhoea, nausea and vomiting... The wait for it...low sex drive. duh! When you got body rejects coming from both ends i doubt any man would like to be within a radius of 2meters around. You see how they run for cover when the red robot comes? Or how they whiz past the sanitary towels counter like its going to bite them? And of course feeling sexy is the last thing on your mind!
Anyway the sky has not fallen. i will be well.this malaria won't defeat me.I am a malaria survivor. ok now am just being stupid.
goodnight lovely people.
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